I need to get back into psych community but am scared

[Jumpback]

I tried before with sexual assault issues. In the middle of this couple women dragged me to gay club and I was in the men’s bathroom when female psychologist I was assigned was shoved in the men’s bathroom by her group of gays friends she was there with because they were all drunk and it was funny

It just doesn’t work when you are a straight man and everyone you get assigned over sexual assault issues either is a gay guy or the sort of woman who would go to gay pride with her gay friends. I had a very inconvenient problem in the middle of the gay rights movement and had to go through 100% gay rights advocates who either weren’t interested or found creative ways to blame the victim

The biggest issue is that instead of whether or not I have repressed homosexuality or hatred of gays or have endless disorders and serious things wrong with my brain, someone might have listened to me about autism type things

 

[menander]

You sound extremely confused right now and with good reason after all you have endured! Just take a deep breath and trust what others have said here. You can go to a psychiatrist in the US without need of a psychologist. In fact, it is much easier and often does not require a referral.

Once you have an appt, wait out the wait-time. It is all you can do.

You seem overwhelmed right now. Maybe just start with one thing?

1. Call all the shrinks in your area and make an appt.
2. When you are there, only tell them of one trauma and be fuzzy. Say you still can't talk about it and will wait to do so with a trauma specialist. Be clear and tell him/her you just need meds to tide you over till you find a trauma therapist. In fact, ask them for a referral.
3. If you get in with a trauma therapist, start slowly with one trauma. If it hurts, you do not have to continue.

Just take one step at a time.....

 

[Jumpback]

You sound extremely confused right now and with good reason after all you have endured! Just take a deep breath and trust what others have said here. You can go to a psychiatrist in the US without need of a psychologist. In fact, it is much easier and often does not require a referral.

Have other people here seen independent psychiatrists in the US while only having Medicaid or Medicare? I’ve always gone through systems, especially due to either having university insurance or no insurance or Medicaid. I have misplaced my phone or I would call around right now.

 

[Jumpback]

You sound extremely confused right now and with good reason after all you have endured! Just take a deep breath and trust what others have said here. You can go to a psychiatrist in the US without need of a psychologist. In fact, it is much easier and often does not require a referral.

Once you have an appt, wait out the wait-time. It is all you can do.

You seem overwhelmed right now. Maybe just start with one thing?

1. Call all the shrinks in your area and make an appt.
2. When you are there, only tell them of one trauma and be fuzzy. Say you still can't talk about it and will wait to do so with a trauma specialist. Be clear and tell him/her you just need meds to tide you over till you find a trauma therapist. In fact, ask them for a referral.
3. If you get in with a trauma therapist, start slowly with one trauma. If it hurts, you do not have to continue.

Just take one step at a time.....

Thanks

The issue is, though, that I feel like the psych community has repeatedly let me down and profiled me due to my race and sexual orientation and the race/sexual orientation of criminals. Like I am a white complaining about a black and Jewish gay coupled sexually assaulting, so I must be the one at fault to the liberal person I am talking to

Like I don’t know what things are like for women getting sexually assaulted, do psychs grill women about their sexual orientation and their feelings about men and forget to ever be sympathetic or supportive to the victim?

I might even be misinterpreting some things I see as the system against me for being straight and criminals being gay, for men’s issues not being taken seriously. I just do not know.

But the trauma is not from sexual assaults, it’s from having crimes ignored especially by authority figure psychs and the blame placed on me in creative ways

Why I just don’t want to talk to psychologists, I just want to get medication

 

[Jumpback]

My Head is actually fine about sexual assaults and manipulations, the last one leaving me homeless and having unending continuing effects. I don’t have severe trauma about these things and still don’t have anything against gays.

My head is not right about not only not having basic crimes and misbehavior taken seriously by people around me and the psych community but being cut off from things like autism due to crimes and misbehavior committed against me due to all the jumping to conclusions that everything is sexual assault trauma or repressed homosexuality or hating gays or severe upset means I have disorders or might be a danger or my brain has severe chemical imbalances, because I am not listened to, psychs assume one or a combination of things that are all untrue

 

[Jumpback]

Like what I feel like is maybe like someone in Seattle, who actually is sympathetic to black lives matter, tries to complain about lost income and his business getting damaged, but people do not understand and assume the real issue is his hatred of blacks and danger he might present to innocent blacks or the business owners malfunctioning brain

That’s how badly things get warped. I go in just being upset about an obvious sexual assault and endless other things get introduced

 

[Jumpback]

I am not mentally well, and all of it goes to exactly one subject

Like I have 3 college degrees, what if psychs actually helped me instead of being upset with me for sexual assault issues when I was in my 20s? Would have a nice career and wife now?

What if I actually knew before I moved huge stock of eBay items into ex-roommates so we could trade stocks and futures and commodities that he thought he was “made gay”?

What if I could actually explain to anyone that I was homeless with multiple storage units because of this “being made gay” thing without this being offensive to psychs and my ex-girlfriend and her gay and gay advocate friends as well as continuing to be cut off from basic psych help due to misunderstandings that everything was about.

In my head all my adult life’s frustrations all track to exactly one issue. And I do not have severe trauma, hate gays, or have repressed homosexuality or am trying to spread hate. These are things coming from absolutely everywhere else

Like this is the issue, I am drinking myself to death because I am scared to see psychs due to the exact same issue which has unendingly messed up my entire adult life

I am not well

ButI need to just be able to let my guard down and say things without others becoming upset, so I can receive medication and fix bad habits and so on, but I can find no way to, because always I say minority gays did this wrong or that wrong and there is a wall against me finding me to be at fault. Or maybe my perspective has become skewed, but it just would be nice to not feel like I have to lie, lie, lie and lie more to not suffer the wrath of gay advocacy which will also cut me off from basic things like help with autism issues

 

[Jumpback]

I have become something on the expert western civilization as it relates to gay things and I can go over the heads of most gay PhD activists

This is solely to make sense of things that happened in my 20s

But I try to explain anything and it’s just a new disorderor obsession or hate or intolerance or one of endless things wrong with me or terrible about me

But I don’t even care what gays do and are sympathetic to their cause

These things are the result of things like my transgender advocate sister not being able to follow anything I say and my superior understanding being a suspected threat to her women/gay/transgender advocacy. She just does not get that even though she is a professional psych me knowing all kinds of things she can’t follow is not a direct threat to her i telligence and endless other things. Her level of understanding is so far below mine that I go through year by year things in the Roman Empire and I doubt that she has any idea what even what Rome was, so things must be hate against gays and women, but this is not because they actually are, this is because she cannot follow anything I say

 

[Jumpback]

I have no peers on this subject

I have far more sexual assault issues from gays than anyone I have heard of

As a direct consequence of being misunderstood and endlessly suffering the consequences for gays misbehavior, my understanding of the entire history of western civilization as it applies to gays exceeds most gay advocate PhDs who specialize in this field

I go to psychs and they think I have repressed homosexuality or hate gays or something, and I feel like I am talking to a small child who has no understanding of anything

So I am drinking myself to death

 

[Jumpback]

I mean I can write a book on what happened in the Roman Empire between 40 AD and 80 AD about Nero and Vespasian and Judea and even go to things like history of firefighting and Christianity and endless things about movements in Judea and endless things about competing religions in Rome and military stationing of legions and Hellenism and the importance of burying Nero’s golden palace as it relates to homosexuality and Christianityand the Italian Renaissance, and if anyone wants to divert me from anything, I can also talk about this thing.

This is because basic sexual assaults commmitted by gays were found to be my fault in some way, shape or form. So, I became an expert on the entire history of homosexuality to make sense of it all, and I actually am an expert, give me anything and I can debate or argue anything, from prehistory till 2020.

But still, my realities involve going to psychs who assume things like black and Jewish gay couple sexually assaulting means things terrible about me, and being far more knowledgeable than anyone else just means another disorder or obsession or danger I present to myself and others

And all the time everything about autism being ignored because my disorders and hate and dangers and everything else for being a victim of sexual assaults and manipulations are unlikely or highly offensive,and my explanations prove more dangerous things terrible about me which also cut me off from nice things like having a nice futile with my ex girlfriend because her gay couple friend and gay advocate friend and mom found my e periences unlikeky or offensive. While still cutting me off from normal psych treatment because sexual assaults by gays meant that for 5 years, I do not have ADHD, I either have sexual assault trauma because that’s what liberal gay advocates before said I had orI have hate and intolerance issues

So I could have a nice life with my ex-gf but I cannot because my realities prove dangerous hate which might make me dangerous, plus also I cannot receive basic psych treatment anyone else might receive to address forlfriends complaints. Plus trying to let go off the past to try to get better and address ex-gfs complaints means that online support sites must gang up on me for for hate nd kick me off and liberal female psychs just find new things wrong with me for various sexual assaults and being homeless, which also ,earns I can explain nothing to girlfriends family because being made homeless for refusing gay sex is u likely at best and hate at worst, so the real problem must be my continuing theft of items because there is no way to explain a history of gay sexual assaults which does either not offend everyone or seem unlikel to everyone

 

[Jumpback]

Look, I dare anyone to debate me about any single thing involving the entire history of gay rights from cave paintings till 2020. This I can take and I am scared of no one

What I cannot take is misbehavior by gays means I have repressed homosexuality and hate and disorders and am up to things a,b,c,d,e,f

Just debate me, anyone, I dare you. I learned about the entire history of the western world to combat mistreatment for misbehavior by gays, so give me a chance to defend myself, please stop with the ganging up on me because I am inconvenient without giving me even a chance to defend myself that misbehavior of others are not solely my fault or evidence of things wrong with me or terrible about me

I don’t care if 10 people want to debate me, I am perfectly comfortable with this. But just anything but most obvious sexual assault imaginable means I might have repressed homosexuality and might be a danger and my brain is malformed and I have 4 different disorders. Give me a chance to defend myself that sexual assaults aren’t all somehow my fault and I will. I will debate 30 people if 30 people dare to challenge me.

I just ask for a level playing field where criminals committing crimes against me don’t prove that I am evil or flawed or disturbed or dangerous. And I don’t even need a level playing field, because I seriously desire 10 gay advocate PhDs debating me so I can prove that gays misbehavior is not my fault or evidence of things horrible about me. But am not even asking for equality, give me your best shot gay advocates as to why all the misbehavior by gays are evidence of how horrible I am. Or debate me about anything, I am not scared of debate. I am scared of getting further beat down again and losing all my confidence and ability to resist because authority figures unite against me to defeat me for being a victim of criminal misbehavior

I want just a chance to defend myself. So people I dare you, give me how I a, terrible your best shot, even 50 people together and I do not care. Just do not take everything away from me, yet again, because I am inconvenient to gay advocacy and not allow me a chance to defend myself

 

[Jumpback]

when I was 21 gay couple sexually assaulted me which was inconvenient or offensive to my social group and professional psychs so all the problems were with me

So I became an expert of the history of western civilization as it relates to gays I every way shape and form to combat this, far exceeding the understanding of most gay advocate PhDs

That’s what happened. But still what happened is something else to professional psychs

But I am not lying. I seriously dare anyone to debate me about any single thing they can choose because I have this need that prove that gays misbehavior does not prove that I am horrible and malformed. And I will debate anyone about anything. This I can do. I cannot do crimes against mean that I need to get ganged up on and accused of things

So just give me a chance to defend myself by debating any gay thing in the entire history of the western world. Or if this is uncomfortable, debate me about any liberal thing in the entire history of the western world. I can only say I dare everyone on the face of the planet to tale me on in some way where I am able to actually defend myself so many times.

Like, seriously, give me any single subject and attack as much as you want, even in groups of people. I just want a chance to defend myself and my internalizations.

 

[Fino]

I have medi-cal and I see a psychiatrist once a month. No, you don't need to see a psychologist first. You literally just call a psychiatrist's office and make an appointment. I just picked whichever one took my insurance.

 

[Fino]

All of them are gay advocates. My sister is a psychologist who is an advocate for transgenders and she finds me upsetting and blames me for things around sexual assaults

"All psychologists are gay advocates" is a silly statement, as well as the implication that all "gay advocates" will respond to you the same.

 

[Aspychata]

It's good you are talking about it. You need to be strong in your convictions. Your past help hasn't worked but you have established a medical history. Maybe just going in for anxiety and PTSD trauma as suggested. Work on what is the biggest issue first instead of 5 issues. What do you need day to day? Then you can move to the next big issue.

 

[Jumpback]

"All psychologists are gay advocates" is a silly statement, as well as the implication that all "gay advocates" will respond to you the same.

I was assigned a self described gay, gay advocate guy at university counseling back when this started. I encountered another female psychologist I was assigned in the men’s bathroom of a gay bar. My psychologist sister describes herself as a transgender advocate

Everything has been unendingly misunderstood and this has destroyed my chances at having a healthy adult life

As someone bullied in school I felt great sympathy for gays and voted straight democratic, and was extra nice to gays in moving to the city. But then gay couple sexually assaults and everyone around me and all psychs I get assigned are all highly devoted to gay rights and seem to have zero sympathy towards me, so I have a complete breakdown.

Now still unendingly the same thing. Somehow crimes committed against me mean terrible things about me, but the real issue is that there is so much focus on how terrible I am that I can’t get help for autism issues

 

[Jumpback]

It's good you are talking about it. You need to be strong in your convictions. Your past help hasn't worked but you have established a medical history. Maybe just going in for anxiety and PTSD trauma as suggested. Work on what is the biggest issue first instead of 5 issues. What do you need day to day? Then you can move to the next big issue.

The thing is that the entire system always seems to be against me. I understand that it isn’t supposed to matter about belief systems, but it seems to. Except I don’t hate gays, I just get punished for hating gays for being a victim. I got kicked off of multiple forums with aggressive telling me off of how horrible I am for being upset and having a traumatic past before I found this forum for daring to be a victim of multiple sexual assaults and manipulations and the psych profession does not seem to be much better

I have lost everything and am drinking myself to death paver nothings that mean I must have repressed homosexuality or hate gays or whatever else because others committed crimes

I have 3 college degrees, I just needed help with basic things to have a normal adult life, bu this has never happened. It’s always about repressed things and things wrong with me and things I have done wrong or am terrible for

I swear that just treat first sexual assault like a sexual assault and help ,e with autism issues and I probably have a really nice life and family. But this cannot happen because being a victim of multiple sexual assaults by gays seems to upset everyone

 

[Jumpback]

People finding my sexual assault and manipulation experiences offensive has resulted in me becoming sort of an expert of the the history of western civilization to combat accusations that sexual assaults and such are proof of things wrong with me or terrible about me

I dare anyone to debate me and I am drinking myself to death, I don’t know what else I can do to prove that I do not have repressed homosexuality or hate gays or sexual assault issues prove I am endlessly terrible

Like someone just debate me about anything, I swear the issue is that gays actually very simply committed wrongs and the issue isn’t that I have a misformed brain and have secret homosexuality and am a danger to everyone and hate gays and have 27 disorders, but I never get a chance to defend myself against all the accusations

There has to be someone out there that is my level about something without me being so far over others heads that they beat me down for hating gays because their side has all the control and power, because nobody can follow me. Give me cave paintings or Christianity or Rome or the Italian Renaissance or just anything. Like just allow me to defend myself that sexual assaults committed against me don’t prove how evil or deranged or full of secret things that I am

 

[Jumpback]

I got sexually assaulted by a gay couple in college and so on, which everyone seemed to find inconvenient and offensive which completely destroyed me. So I learned about the history of western civilization to make some sense of things, and I got so good at this that I have no fear of walking in the British Museum and correcting all the things they mistuderstand about Hellenism, about debating any gay advocates about anything and so on

This is because I am autistic spectrum and have some elements of savant syndrome, but if I go talk to a psychologist it seems like I must have repressed homosexuality or sexual assault trauma or that I hate gays or have 27 different disorders and this is absolutely all that seems to happen.

So I have given up fighting and am drinking myself to death

Or maybe it isn’t exactly Savant Syndrome. Things about this issue become very confusing to me. I see a misunderstanding, so I spend a thousand hours becoming a low level expert on the history of western civilization.

 

[Hazel_1914]

Hello Jumpback, definitely don't drink yourself to death. Victim blaming is too much a problem in our culture and don't let yourself become another statistic of it. They're gaslighting you.

I take it you are in England if you talk about the British Museum? Not sure what help is available there.

Forget psychologists for the present; find trauma survivor groups or male rape survivor groups. Do the police, where you are, have any help? Can you go to clergy? I don't know the whole story but I feel you haven't quite exhausted your list of options.

Contact people, more people. If you feel anger or rage don't bottle it up; put it to work as that powerful motivator it is, to go find an answer.