Codie
New Member
I really need some input from someone who has been diagnosed with Asperger’s. This will most likely be a book, and I am sorry. I feel like there are important details from my past that I must explain in order to ask for your help.
I am a college educated mother of 4, two from a previous marriage. I have my bachelor’s degree in elementary education. My now husband came into the picture a month before my 2 child was born and my first child was 4. A little background information, that is needed in order to get to where I want to go, my ex was mentally and physically abusive. He was a cheater and an alcoholic. Needless to say, we didn’t work out. When I was two months pregnant with our son that we planned, he left me for another woman. I moved 45 minutes away, found out my now husband lived in the same area, we went to elementary and middle school together, and we started hanging out in February. March 4, my son was born. March 6th, I came home, my now husband came over to help and never left! We have been together 4 years now.
My issue is that I feel like my son has Asperger’s syndrome. My ex, his biological father, disagrees and says I have Munchausen’s and I am a garbage parent making this all up. Mind you, I have my children with my ex husband from Sunday at 5pm until the next Friday at 5:30pm. Then, every other month, I get to keep them for one weekend and he misses 47 hours with his kids for that month. So, on the months I do not have them for a weekend, he has them roughly 188 hours a month, so about 7 days out of the month. I have them the rest of the time. Then on the months I have them that one weekend, he misses 2 days and only has them 5 days out of the month.
In order to explain why I think he has Asperger’s I need to go back to my daughter at his age. When she was around 3 or 4, I took her for a yearly check up and expressed that she was terrified of loud noises. Alarms, trains, vacuums, pretty much anything louder than a car radio. I was told she most likely had Asperger’s but nothing else was said about it. I was young and didn’t know what it was, she was the first kid so I didn’t really know to press at that time. Fast forward to now, she doesn’t have as hard of a time with loud noises, but she has hand and leg tremors. I decided to go to google, which is never good, and see if tremors may be a symptom of Asperger’s. There I seen it in black in white, my son to a T! Everything about him that I thought was just a weird quirk, was in fact a symptom. So, I go to their father and ask him if he remembered them telling us she may have Asperger’s? Of course, he didn’t and I am nuts. I thought for sure, since it was all laid out there, that he would see this is our kid and he needs to be checked, but he didn’t. In fact, he told me he doesn’t show ANY symptoms at his house and I am making it up.
His symptoms.
Meltdowns. When I say meltdowns, I don’t mean typical tantrums. My two-year-old has those, they are his brat stage he is currently going through. Gauge has heartbreaking moments where it is as if he has lost his best friend. The smallest thing such as asking him to change socks, or change activities, or listen to what I am saying, throws him into a meltdown. Usually accompanied by the snapping of his fingers, or clapping of his hands, or me rubbing his palms. These have been witnessed by his therapist, therefore it is documented. She said it is an anxiety issue.
Sensory issues. He tells me that he has to have socks on because the floor touching his bare feet hurts. He also has poor motor skills. He cannot draw or color or paint well, and he isn’t able to do simple task like unbuckle in the car. He can’t put socks on if they are not ankle socks and those took months to get down. He cannot put pants or underwear on without me showing him how every time. He cannot take off or put on his own shirts. We start OT Thursday.
Processing issues. I had this suspicion confirmed at the yearly check-up, I think. We suspect that when you tell him something, he doesn’t compute what you’re telling him. He may look at you or shake his head in acknowledgement, but he doesn’t compute what you’re saying. He had a hearing test where he could only hear the sounds at 2000hz. I found him sitting on his bed, rocking front to back crying and snapping his fingers. I asked what was wrong? He said he didn’t know. So I asked him if he needed to pee, he said yes and ran to the bathroom. I hear him freaking out, I go in there and he had to go so bad he couldn’t make it to the toilet. He peed everywhere but in the toilet. He started freaking out that his socks were wet. I asked him why he didn’t just go pee before it got this bad, he said he didn’t know he had to pee. When I told his therapist at his next appointment, she told me she noticed him rocking back and forth from leg to leg. She asked if he had to pee, he said, oh yeah and went just fine. She seen this as me not being right to be concerned that he has forgotten the sensation to pee. Even though he has never had to be asked before. I took it as proof that he isn’t registering, we shouldn’t have to tell him his body is telling him to pee. The doctor suspected that it was a processing issue. She sent a referral to an audiologist, I am waiting to hear back on it now.
Transition issues. If it is an immediate change, you have to give him a transition warning. If it is a change in the routine, like a dr appointment or something, I tell him well in advance. You still get 20 questions with nervous laughs, but most of the time it minimizes meltdowns. I also have to wake him up earlier, tell him to sit for a moment and get up when he is comfortable. Otherwise, he is shaking and stumbling everywhere, and the entire morning is ruined with meltdowns over everything. He suddenly forgets how to do everything he has ever learned.
Aggression, whether it be out of excitement or anger. He is biting his 2-year-old brother for no reason. He could walk near him, and it upset it. He could touch his foot, which this is an example of what really happened, and it upset Gauge so he bites him. He hits him on the head all the time because he touches his toys. This concerns me because my two-year-old has a shunt from a decompression surgery that he could dislodge. He also bounces toys off my 8-month-olds head, grabs her arms and pulls them. Pulls her arms and legs out from under her when she’s crawling, takes her toys, along with a lot of things.
No humor at all. You cannot joke about ANYTHING with him. He takes everything literal.
Incessantly talking about one topic. This month, we are stuck on Mario. He will literally have a 45-minute conversation without letting you have a word. If you interrupt him to try and change the topic, he will either stop, look at you like you’re dumb, then go right back to the sentence he was saying when you interrupted him. Or, the conversation stops completely. Last month it was mini minions, and dinosaurs before that.
Designated shoe place. If we do not put his shoes on his white stool by the door, we have a meltdown. If anyone touches them or they get moved, the day is ruined.
Bath time is awful, he cannot stand water to hit his face. This is a normal reaction for younger kids. But he acts like you’re killing him. In fact, before bath, he asks you if you’re going to wash his hair. If so, he gets anxious and asks if you’re doing it once or twice. (shampoo and conditioner) In the summer time, I keep it buzzed so all I have to do is wipe it with a rag.
Loud noises are starting to bother him, this is the same time it did with my daughter. Loud screaming, horns, trains, my husbands really loud truck have all set him off.
This is affecting everyone’s day to day routine. By the time my husband gets home, I am so ill its not even funny. He usually gets the brunt of it all because I try my best to keep cool and not raise my voice. I will admit, sometimes it is hard. I hear him whine my sons name at least 500 times a day. I have a test set up June 7th to have him checked. I told my ex about it only because it was set up through the therapist, both do not believe he has anything other than symptoms. I also have one set up August 28th without his knowledge because I fear he will hinder any test that need to be ran. I’ll admit, as strong as I feel about this, my ex has me doubting myself. I think in some stupid way, I still look for his validation and he ends up making me doubt myself and feel nuts.
I am sorry for the book, and if you read it all and can relate with any of these things I am seeing in him, please let me know. I need to know if I am on the right track or not. Don't get me wrong, my son is not miserable. I mean by mid week, I'm exhausted. But he is a good kid, we just need help.
I am a college educated mother of 4, two from a previous marriage. I have my bachelor’s degree in elementary education. My now husband came into the picture a month before my 2 child was born and my first child was 4. A little background information, that is needed in order to get to where I want to go, my ex was mentally and physically abusive. He was a cheater and an alcoholic. Needless to say, we didn’t work out. When I was two months pregnant with our son that we planned, he left me for another woman. I moved 45 minutes away, found out my now husband lived in the same area, we went to elementary and middle school together, and we started hanging out in February. March 4, my son was born. March 6th, I came home, my now husband came over to help and never left! We have been together 4 years now.
My issue is that I feel like my son has Asperger’s syndrome. My ex, his biological father, disagrees and says I have Munchausen’s and I am a garbage parent making this all up. Mind you, I have my children with my ex husband from Sunday at 5pm until the next Friday at 5:30pm. Then, every other month, I get to keep them for one weekend and he misses 47 hours with his kids for that month. So, on the months I do not have them for a weekend, he has them roughly 188 hours a month, so about 7 days out of the month. I have them the rest of the time. Then on the months I have them that one weekend, he misses 2 days and only has them 5 days out of the month.
In order to explain why I think he has Asperger’s I need to go back to my daughter at his age. When she was around 3 or 4, I took her for a yearly check up and expressed that she was terrified of loud noises. Alarms, trains, vacuums, pretty much anything louder than a car radio. I was told she most likely had Asperger’s but nothing else was said about it. I was young and didn’t know what it was, she was the first kid so I didn’t really know to press at that time. Fast forward to now, she doesn’t have as hard of a time with loud noises, but she has hand and leg tremors. I decided to go to google, which is never good, and see if tremors may be a symptom of Asperger’s. There I seen it in black in white, my son to a T! Everything about him that I thought was just a weird quirk, was in fact a symptom. So, I go to their father and ask him if he remembered them telling us she may have Asperger’s? Of course, he didn’t and I am nuts. I thought for sure, since it was all laid out there, that he would see this is our kid and he needs to be checked, but he didn’t. In fact, he told me he doesn’t show ANY symptoms at his house and I am making it up.
His symptoms.
Meltdowns. When I say meltdowns, I don’t mean typical tantrums. My two-year-old has those, they are his brat stage he is currently going through. Gauge has heartbreaking moments where it is as if he has lost his best friend. The smallest thing such as asking him to change socks, or change activities, or listen to what I am saying, throws him into a meltdown. Usually accompanied by the snapping of his fingers, or clapping of his hands, or me rubbing his palms. These have been witnessed by his therapist, therefore it is documented. She said it is an anxiety issue.
Sensory issues. He tells me that he has to have socks on because the floor touching his bare feet hurts. He also has poor motor skills. He cannot draw or color or paint well, and he isn’t able to do simple task like unbuckle in the car. He can’t put socks on if they are not ankle socks and those took months to get down. He cannot put pants or underwear on without me showing him how every time. He cannot take off or put on his own shirts. We start OT Thursday.
Processing issues. I had this suspicion confirmed at the yearly check-up, I think. We suspect that when you tell him something, he doesn’t compute what you’re telling him. He may look at you or shake his head in acknowledgement, but he doesn’t compute what you’re saying. He had a hearing test where he could only hear the sounds at 2000hz. I found him sitting on his bed, rocking front to back crying and snapping his fingers. I asked what was wrong? He said he didn’t know. So I asked him if he needed to pee, he said yes and ran to the bathroom. I hear him freaking out, I go in there and he had to go so bad he couldn’t make it to the toilet. He peed everywhere but in the toilet. He started freaking out that his socks were wet. I asked him why he didn’t just go pee before it got this bad, he said he didn’t know he had to pee. When I told his therapist at his next appointment, she told me she noticed him rocking back and forth from leg to leg. She asked if he had to pee, he said, oh yeah and went just fine. She seen this as me not being right to be concerned that he has forgotten the sensation to pee. Even though he has never had to be asked before. I took it as proof that he isn’t registering, we shouldn’t have to tell him his body is telling him to pee. The doctor suspected that it was a processing issue. She sent a referral to an audiologist, I am waiting to hear back on it now.
Transition issues. If it is an immediate change, you have to give him a transition warning. If it is a change in the routine, like a dr appointment or something, I tell him well in advance. You still get 20 questions with nervous laughs, but most of the time it minimizes meltdowns. I also have to wake him up earlier, tell him to sit for a moment and get up when he is comfortable. Otherwise, he is shaking and stumbling everywhere, and the entire morning is ruined with meltdowns over everything. He suddenly forgets how to do everything he has ever learned.
Aggression, whether it be out of excitement or anger. He is biting his 2-year-old brother for no reason. He could walk near him, and it upset it. He could touch his foot, which this is an example of what really happened, and it upset Gauge so he bites him. He hits him on the head all the time because he touches his toys. This concerns me because my two-year-old has a shunt from a decompression surgery that he could dislodge. He also bounces toys off my 8-month-olds head, grabs her arms and pulls them. Pulls her arms and legs out from under her when she’s crawling, takes her toys, along with a lot of things.
No humor at all. You cannot joke about ANYTHING with him. He takes everything literal.
Incessantly talking about one topic. This month, we are stuck on Mario. He will literally have a 45-minute conversation without letting you have a word. If you interrupt him to try and change the topic, he will either stop, look at you like you’re dumb, then go right back to the sentence he was saying when you interrupted him. Or, the conversation stops completely. Last month it was mini minions, and dinosaurs before that.
Designated shoe place. If we do not put his shoes on his white stool by the door, we have a meltdown. If anyone touches them or they get moved, the day is ruined.
Bath time is awful, he cannot stand water to hit his face. This is a normal reaction for younger kids. But he acts like you’re killing him. In fact, before bath, he asks you if you’re going to wash his hair. If so, he gets anxious and asks if you’re doing it once or twice. (shampoo and conditioner) In the summer time, I keep it buzzed so all I have to do is wipe it with a rag.
Loud noises are starting to bother him, this is the same time it did with my daughter. Loud screaming, horns, trains, my husbands really loud truck have all set him off.
This is affecting everyone’s day to day routine. By the time my husband gets home, I am so ill its not even funny. He usually gets the brunt of it all because I try my best to keep cool and not raise my voice. I will admit, sometimes it is hard. I hear him whine my sons name at least 500 times a day. I have a test set up June 7th to have him checked. I told my ex about it only because it was set up through the therapist, both do not believe he has anything other than symptoms. I also have one set up August 28th without his knowledge because I fear he will hinder any test that need to be ran. I’ll admit, as strong as I feel about this, my ex has me doubting myself. I think in some stupid way, I still look for his validation and he ends up making me doubt myself and feel nuts.
I am sorry for the book, and if you read it all and can relate with any of these things I am seeing in him, please let me know. I need to know if I am on the right track or not. Don't get me wrong, my son is not miserable. I mean by mid week, I'm exhausted. But he is a good kid, we just need help.
