I am a 29yr old NT woman, dating a 38yr old Aspie man. I love my partner dearly and we are planning a long future together. But we regularly experience difficulties in our relationship that I'm finding it hard to deal with, particularly since my partner has so-far refused to admit even the possibility that he might be on the spectrum.
My partner is very solitary, logical, uncommunicative and avoidant. Whenever I need to talk to him about something to do with our relationship, he immediately shuts down. I've asked him how I can help him to feel more comfortable in these types of conversations and he's suggested various things such as not looking at him when I'm talking to him, which I have put into practice. We've also talked about techniques he can use, such as telling me when he is starting to feel uncomfortable or stepping out of the room for 5 minutes if he feels himself getting tense. But, after 2 years, he hasn't really made an effort to use these techniques and by the time I know anything is wrong it's usually too late and he is so shut down that conversation is impossible. This makes me feel very lonely, isolated and unloved. In addition, my partner made quite a good effort to be physically affectionate in the early stages of our relationship but has all but abandoned this now. We rarely make love, and the last time I tried to talk to him about my sexual frustration he became very hostile - despite repeated assurances from myself that I value him as a lover. He acts in the same way whenever I try to tell him that I feel unhappy. His usual response is to roll his eyes, ignore me, or tell me to stop attacking him. I suffer with depression and an anxiety disorder, which my partner knows. However, he gives me very little emotional support and much of the time I feel very upset and worried.
My partner is not 'abusive'. He's kind, loving and sweet, and can be very considerate. But his problems with communication and lack of affection are damaging our relationship and, as we've already separated once already, I'm worried that the next time will be the last. Please, if any of you have any advice, I would love to hear it. I don't know how much of this situation is my fault and, since my partner refuses to see a doctor or counsellor and hates it when I bring the subject up with him, I feel like I'm struggling alone in the dark.
My partner is very solitary, logical, uncommunicative and avoidant. Whenever I need to talk to him about something to do with our relationship, he immediately shuts down. I've asked him how I can help him to feel more comfortable in these types of conversations and he's suggested various things such as not looking at him when I'm talking to him, which I have put into practice. We've also talked about techniques he can use, such as telling me when he is starting to feel uncomfortable or stepping out of the room for 5 minutes if he feels himself getting tense. But, after 2 years, he hasn't really made an effort to use these techniques and by the time I know anything is wrong it's usually too late and he is so shut down that conversation is impossible. This makes me feel very lonely, isolated and unloved. In addition, my partner made quite a good effort to be physically affectionate in the early stages of our relationship but has all but abandoned this now. We rarely make love, and the last time I tried to talk to him about my sexual frustration he became very hostile - despite repeated assurances from myself that I value him as a lover. He acts in the same way whenever I try to tell him that I feel unhappy. His usual response is to roll his eyes, ignore me, or tell me to stop attacking him. I suffer with depression and an anxiety disorder, which my partner knows. However, he gives me very little emotional support and much of the time I feel very upset and worried.
My partner is not 'abusive'. He's kind, loving and sweet, and can be very considerate. But his problems with communication and lack of affection are damaging our relationship and, as we've already separated once already, I'm worried that the next time will be the last. Please, if any of you have any advice, I would love to hear it. I don't know how much of this situation is my fault and, since my partner refuses to see a doctor or counsellor and hates it when I bring the subject up with him, I feel like I'm struggling alone in the dark.