I Need More Heroic Traits

[gigi1919]

I have had a deep seated need inside to feel like I am helping in some way most of my life. I can remember when I was quite young and would hear about a child getting kidnapped or something in the news and I would walk around daydreaming about rescuing them. As I got a bit older, I learned some skills (like how to open my own bedroom door from the outside when locked). I would practice my skills while pretending to be rescuing people and such. Most of the family didn't understand. They thought I wanted to be bad. I had an aunt ask me if I wanted to be a criminal or something. I didn't know how to respond and can not recall whether I even answered her or not. My grandpa,who was in law enforcement, literally handcuffed me to show me where he thought I was headed if I stayed on some path he thought I was on. I had been pretending to be MacGyver at the time. I guess the misunderstanding on their part is probably my fault though because so many of my traits seem to scream villain. Liking to rhyme words - villain trait, making up riddles - villain trait, mood incongruent laughter - villain trait. I need more heroic traits. It's no wonder people don't trust me or want to be around me. How do I quit liking to rhyme words and make riddles ? It seems sad to need to. I enjoy both, but what kind of respectable person does that. Villains rhyme their words and make up riddles. How do I quit experiencing mood incongruent smiling and laughing? Literally HOW ? What traits and hobbies do I need to have so I can start being more respectable ? I want to be able to make a positive difference. I want to be able to make other people's lives better.

I don't understand why you se yourself as a villan.
But I know that people see neurodivergent and autsist as villans ans many internalise this. Not sure if that's what's happening- that someone I ejected the ideas if badness in me. I know, as brought up in Catholicism that part of the whole conditioning is driven by convincing people of how shameful they are.
Luckily I deconditioned from this and know that I don't have to be any more good than I am. Poeple told me I was bad when I was nog doing anything bad- but when I was doing what they didn't like. Shame is tool of a power play.
I am a human. I do my best. I was never mean but I was hurt by many "respectable" people who had no reason to treat me bad only they were threatened by my vulnerability and honesty.
You sound very kind to me from last interactions.
And your desire to help shows how you care about others - something that most "respectable" people don't care about.

I used to care to be more respectable le until I learned that the social game is rigged. Study says that people start judging Autists within seconds of meeting and without even knowing anything about them.
And for what it's worth is that we have respect for ourselves and do what our hearts are following.
Not sure any of these ramblings help.

Ps. I forgot to add you were heroic when you said something right for me the other day. And it helped me. So the way I se it heroism is often just being you

 

[Dagan]

I think I understand. I might can relate it to how people have called me special my whole life because of the creative and crafty / intelligent things I have accomplished.....but I never once felt this rush of excitement or such about anything because I have always had this hard, anxious feeling inside that unless anything did any good or helped someone.....what was the point..? So, I am constantly trying to learn a little more and hopefully do better / ensure better results or more of them. Or maybe that doesn't make sense in relation. I intended it to. Oops.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Some people take childhood fantasies too serious due to their low intellectual level. There was no need to handcuff a child to a bed because he was acting out on his fantasies. Persistent fantasies are a strong indication that you can be a successful writer. Maybe, writing is a way for you to express your creativity in a meaningful way. My advice is to test the waters of mystery or fantasy writing.

I said that my grandpa handcuffed me but I did not say anything about a bed. I actually have above average iq. I think a became a maladaptive daydreamer due to being a naturally outgoing child who had to become an extreme introvert to avoid trouble with my dad. As far as writing goes, I have written several stories (historical fiction) though they are not for being published.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Helping others is very fulfilling, and something we need more of in the world. Of course, as others have said, you need to not endanger yourself in the process.

Helping/serving others has helped me keep on keeping on. Knowing my little sphere of interaction in the world is made better each time I can help someone makes up for a lot Weltschmerz.

 

[FayetheAspie]

@gigi1919 I don't actually consider myself to actually be a villain. I just feel like I come across as being one. I think that at my own personal baseline mood, I have a VERY similar disposition to pre riddler Edward Nygma on Gotham when talking to others about a topic of interest and we both have some serious overlap of interests, making riddles and doing science experiments for the purpose of figuring something out. I recently had to record myself pretending to be interviewed and then watch to see how I could improve my body language. I was surprised by how much overlap of facial expressions there was between myself and Nygma as well when I watched the recording of myself. If the characters were real and I got a job at the GCPD I could seriously see Ed and I hitting it right off and being best friends if he stayed a good guy on the side of the law (which I like to imagine that he does) and everyone grumbling about there being two of us now. Then I also feel like my mood incongruent laughter reminds people of Arthur Fleck by default and myself knowing that we both have some rather in depth daydreaming, adds to the effect of there being some overlap there as well, so that makes me look bad too.

I'm glad that whatever I said the other day was helpful for you.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I think I understand. I might can relate it to how people have called me special my whole life because of the creative and crafty / intelligent things I have accomplished.....but I never once felt this rush of excitement or such about anything because I have always had this hard, anxious feeling inside that unless anything did any good or helped someone.....what was the point..? So, I am constantly trying to learn a little more and hopefully do better / ensure better results or more of them. Or maybe that doesn't make sense in relation. I intended it to. Oops.

I do get a rush of excitement about learning something new, accomplishing something, ect.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

What is outward thinking?

As opposed to inward thinking, which is primarily focused upon "my needs, my sensitivities, my feelings". You might notice some of these posts where someone might get dragged into a depressive state and all they can focus upon is themselves, how they are the victim, how what someone did or said affected them in some way, how the world is against them, etc.

Then, there is outward thinking. This is the mindset where you are in that "personal service" mode. You're thinking of other people primarily. You are performing acts of kindness. You step up to volunteer yourself towards a person or a cause. Your own discomfort and emotions don't really matter. You have taken on a responsibility towards helping others.

 

[FayetheAspie]

As opposed to inward thinking, which is primarily focused upon "my needs, my sensitivities, my feelings". You might notice some of these posts where someone might get dragged into a depressive state and all they can focus upon is themselves, how they are the victim, how what someone did or said affected them in some way, how the world is against them, etc.

Then, there is outward thinking. This is the mindset where you are in that "personal service" mode. You're thinking of other people primarily. You are performing acts of kindness. You step up to volunteer yourself towards a person or a cause. Your own discomfort and emotions don't really matter. You have taken on a responsibility towards helping others.

I guess I have a mix of both thinkings.

 

[gigi1919]

I guess I have a mix of both thinkings.

I also was thinking about this helping bit because I also had that for a large part of my life. And lately I arrived on some ideas that could be considered woo but I actually arrived them by logic and various research.

So here it is:
Neurotypical people are really focused on the masculine energy- the doing, the productivity, the showing. Very active. Executive, and practical but also it's about surface.

And they teach us that that's the o lyrics way to be.

But what they forget is that everything, including us is made of energy that connects everything beneath the you and I. And the same energy when we do what we love and when we're authentic and follow our truth resonates. Basically everything resonates some tones in this world. The more authentic and not for show the more pure and higher the tones are.

And basically the idea is that by focusing on what nourishes you, what excites you helps others by resounding the tone to others. People feel things even if they don't know where it comes from. But we're all like antennas. Like conduits.

Eventually you might also find like many people who were so obsessed with their own pursuits that by doing something that interests you is usable to others. And it helps them tremendously. Which then is both practical and energetic.

But if only we focus on action we forget about following our internal excitement because we're trying to think the answers not feel the path.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense but thought tk share my thoughts

 

[Crossbreed]

Riddles, rhymes & lab coats are the trifecta of super-villainy...!

 

[Tom]

I didn't see any villein traits in what you shared. They were just different, which unfortunately many NTs automatically view in a negative light. Conversely they seem quite typical in nature for people on the spectrum.

I tend to view it in practical terms rather then idealogical. I don't want every situation to be a autism awareness moment. I just want to do my work and get my paycheck. So I usually treat it as living in a foreign country and learning the lingo and protocols to fit in with minimum friction. I let the inner self out when it's safe to do so.

I will engage on the autism subject but only in special circumstances when dealing with very well known friends/family who I think can handle it.

So it is to me more of standing out less then actively trying to adopt specific traits. Positive traits speak for themselves

 

[Outsider]

I said that my grandpa handcuffed me but I did not say anything about a bed. I actually have above average iq. I think a became a maladaptive daydreamer due to being a naturally outgoing child who had to become an extreme introvert to avoid trouble with my dad. As far as writing goes, I have written several stories (historical fiction) though they are not for being published.

Historical fiction is a very interesting genre, not too many writers venture into it. Why you're not willing to publish your stories? I don't know about you, but some writers, including my friend, are perfectionists, they think that their work needs never-ending improvements, which is a serious obstacle to getting published. I hope this is not your case.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Historical fiction is a very interesting genre, not too many writers venture into it. Why you're not willing to publish your stories? I don't know about you, but some writers, including my friend, are perfectionists, they think that their work needs never-ending improvements, which is a serious obstacle to getting published. I hope this is not your case.

I'm not really comfortable with the whole process of being a writer and the one time I tried there was some problem about not being able to be published because of using a historical quote. I would have thought that historical quotes were fair use (especially when giving acknowledgement to where you read it ) but I guess not always. Figuring out what is publishable just feels too stressful and complicated. I don't think I have the correct kind of smarts for being self employed.

 

[Outsider]

I'm not really comfortable with the whole process of being a writer and the one time I tried there was some problem about not being able to be published because of using a historical quote. I would have thought that historical quotes were fair use (especially when giving acknowledgement to where you read it ) but I guess not always. Figuring out what is publishable just feels too stressful and complicated. I don't think I have the correct kind of smarts for being self employed.

There are several ways of dealing with fair use. Some books are in public domain because they were published more than 70 years ago after the author’s death, you can quote them freely.

In the US the general advice regarding fair use is to limit quotation to 500 words.

In most European countries if you criticize someone’s work, there is no limit on how many words you can extract from their book.

For me paraphrase works very well, I don’t have to worry about violating copyrights.

 

[grommet]

I have had a deep seated need inside to feel like I am helping in some way most of my life. I can remember when I was quite young and would hear about a child getting kidnapped or something in the news and I would walk around daydreaming about rescuing them. As I got a bit older, I learned some skills (like how to open my own bedroom door from the outside when locked). I would practice my skills while pretending to be rescuing people and such. Most of the family didn't understand. They thought I wanted to be bad. I had an aunt ask me if I wanted to be a criminal or something. I didn't know how to respond and can not recall whether I even answered her or not. My grandpa,who was in law enforcement, literally handcuffed me to show me where he thought I was headed if I stayed on some path he thought I was on. I had been pretending to be MacGyver at the time. I guess the misunderstanding on their part is probably my fault though because so many of my traits seem to scream villain. Liking to rhyme words - villain trait, making up riddles - villain trait, mood incongruent laughter - villain trait. I need more heroic traits. It's no wonder people don't trust me or want to be around me. How do I quit liking to rhyme words and make riddles ? It seems sad to need to. I enjoy both, but what kind of respectable person does that. Villains rhyme their words and make up riddles. How do I quit experiencing mood incongruent smiling and laughing? Literally HOW ? What traits and hobbies do I need to have so I can start being more respectable ? I want to be able to make a positive difference. I want to be able to make other people's lives better.

I do not want you to change. Your post made me smile and I still am. I am sorry it was about you feeling bad and the trouble you have had but I liked how pure of thought you were. You knew what you wanted and went about learning the skills you thought a rescuer would need. I think that is neat.

A long time ago I was helping a friend move when she accidentally closed the truck gate and closed the lock. She did not have the key. The move was stuck. Because of I never wanted her to be stuck again I learned lock picking. If a friend ever got stuck I could help.

I learned a lot of other things too, like how to report a person't condition what calling the police for medical aid. "Breathing, not conscious, no visible sign of trauma. Need medical."

I learned small head wounds bleed a lot because there is more blood pressure in the head (I do not know this is a fact but my stepmother was a nurse and taught it to me). So I could assure someone if they were frightened by how much they were bleeding.

I learned so many different things. I carried things that could help.

I like the way you are. Not just from this post. I like that you made cookies for your graduation. I felt bad for you when nobody asked to eat them.

I am the way I am. I can mask some things but my brain works a certain way and I cannot change that. When I was tested for autism there was a part of the test where I understood the directions clearly - they were simple. But during the exercise my brain would not let me do them. It was the oddest thing. I realize my brain works differently, it works autistically.

I hope you do not try to hard to change things that make you, you. I think it makes us sad when we do that but I know we are trying because we do not want to cause the problems people say we do.