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I lost a friend I thought I could trust..

mysterionz

mysterionz

oh hamburgers!
V.I.P Member
A friend I was friends with decided to break off our friendship after they were mad at me for not talking to them or txting them..

I'm kinda hurt because they manipulated me/used me. Built up their trust in me and then just turned it all away.. I'm scared I'll lose my job because of them. I had to send screenshots of a text convo I had with them that ranged from them using a racial slur to refer to themselves as well as threatening suicide in a “joking” way.

They claimed the incident left them with “ptsd” which seems offensive towards ppl that have gone through severe trauma that brought on ptsd. I had to send evidence of our text exchanges to the management branch of where I work and they said they’d take action accordingly. They sure as heck know why I’m not talking to them. It’s not racism, it’s how they act as a whole.

One of my friends is aware of their actions and told me to distance myself from them. They’ve blocked my number and I feel uncomfortable interacting with them at work due to their actions. I’d rather just transfer to a new location so I don’t see them..
 
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Tread carefully. And realize people do play the RACE card to get ahead. You were just a bug on the car windowshield.
 
I doubt very much that you gave someone PTSD. I don't doubt that people exaggerate though.


mysterionz said:
I’ve learned that minorities aren’t exempt from bad behavior recently.. us neurodivergent people especially
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No people are exempt from that. People are people and people sometimes behave badly.
 
Forest Cat said:
I doubt very much that you gave someone PTSD. I don't doubt that people exaggerate though.
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Some ppl just have a dark sense of humor. There’s a time and a place for everything (like when my manager types comic sans signs for all the employees to see in the break room)
 
Time to build up your boundaries and maintain them. Hopefully your management supports you and is able to be helpful with your discomfort at work.

Sounds like you have at least one supportive friend, too. Glad you have that.
 
Good to hear your management team are going to support you.

I guess my reflection would be that the whole situation sounds extremely cluttered with social jostling, and in particular who has the right be be offended by who and on behalf of who. I get that this is the currency that people use to get their way nowadays, but IMO it's a minefield for many people on the spectrum. Personally I've tried to operate in this area and it has, with very few exceptions down to luck, always ended up badly. One of the principal reasons being that some people will often be arguing in bad faith or feigning offence to discredit an opinion (a tu quoque fallacy I guess) whereas others will be attempting to find a logically sound position (which will fundamentally be honest).

You can't "win" in that situation or even come to agreement. So for me personally, I avoid engaging in that sort of exchange because, as appears to have happened here, one swans off confident while the other is left over-thinking and trying to rationalise. And sometimes, worse. If, like me, your ASD symptoms mean you struggle with politics, you might be better off avoiding this area of work life, because you'll probably come off second best most times.
 
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I knew a user like that. He was friends with my wife for almost 14 years at that point. He lived in our house to save us money when we first got married.
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He is a different race for me, and he knew darn well I don't care. But once I blew him off because he was harassing my wife with IRS audits, and sending made up photos to her work, and actually showed up at her work once on some sort of drug cocktail.... he insisted I didn't like him just because of his race.
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I just don't understand how people like that make it easily through life, when honest good people like us cannot.
 
I’m Chinese so I definitely understanding the race part

Don’t worry, we got us

If you are experiencing something difficult, just post a thread. If I see it, I might respond

They don’t see us like humans but we can’t bring ourselves down
 
Wow. Did I ever have any doubt that this forum is predominantly white ?

Some of the replies are downright racist actually. Here's a hint: It's really a lot harder to hide how racist you are when you start saying things like "people of color" or "minorities" while imagining an all-white target audience.

Thank you for reminding me why white people can't be trusted as friends anyway. Non-white people actually aren't just people who happen to be non-white but who are otherwise like you. We are our own people and how we act as a whole is part of the package, even if colonization has normalized whiteness and enough people have internalized self-loathing that they try to be more white instead of just themselves.
 
selena said:
Wow. Did I ever have any doubt that this forum is predominantly white?

Some of the replies are downright racist actually. Here's a hint: It's really a lot harder to hide how racist you are when you start saying things like "people of color" or "minorities" while imagining an all-white target audience.

Thank you for reminding me why white people can't be trusted as friends anyway. Non-white people actually aren't just people who happen to be non-white but who are otherwise like you. We are our own people and how we act as a whole is part of the package, even if colonization has normalized whiteness and enough people have internalized self-loathing that they try to be more white instead of just themselves.
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I like to give benefit of doubt and assume people are just saying the easiest thing to pop in their head. Maybe more care should be taken?

I think I was polite by saying "different race than me". But please tell me if that is uncouth.

(edit) and it is probably obvious by my avatar picture that I am Caucasian skinned, but that should not really matter?
 
selena said:
Wow. Did I ever have any doubt that this forum is predominantly white?

Some of the replies are downright racist actually. Here's a hint: It's really a lot harder to hide how racist you are when you start saying things like "people of color" or "minorities" while imagining an all-white target audience.

Thank you for reminding me why white people can't be trusted as friends anyway. Non-white people actually aren't just people who happen to be non-white but who are otherwise like you. We are our own people and how we act as a whole is part of the package, even if colonization has normalized whiteness and enough people have internalized self-loathing that they try to be more white instead of just themselves.
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I'm out of my depth here. Knew I shouldn't have used social media, could bloody kick myself. Hope whatever is going on gets resolved. All the best everyone.
 
@mysterionz I hope anything of value came out of this thread. :(
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I am a bit triggered by what just happened. It was not fair to have your thread hijacked like that.
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Please let me know if I can help, because I'd like to.
 
AdamG said:
I think I was polite by saying "different race than me". But please tell me if that is uncouth.
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I adjusted some of the phrasing. Would like to know if it’s
AdamG said:
@mysterionz I hope anything of value came out of this thread. :(
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I am a bit triggered by what just happened. It was not fair to have your thread hijacked like that.
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Please let me know if I can help, because I'd like to.
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yes, please. I sent you a PM.
 
mysterionz said:
I adjusted some of the phrasing. Would like to know if it’s

yes, please.
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I still had no problem with the phrasing originally. I don't think it is an issue for almost everyone here. I think the person who complained was mean to everyone who has Caucasian skin for something that nobody meant any offense with.

So please brush it off. It was not fair for any complaint. Especially not one so downright mean.
 
AdamG said:
I still had no problem with the phrasing originally. I don't think it is an issue for almost everyone here. I think the person who complained was mean to everyone who has Caucasian skin for something that nobody meant any offense with.

So please brush it off. It was not fair for any complaint. Especially not one so downright mean.
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Back when I was in Facebook groups, you couldn’t say “white” or else zucc would put you in Facebook jail or the group would be taken down. People got around the censor by saying “yt” or using emojis as code for white like the milk emoji, corn emoji, and white circle emoji.
 
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