I just don’t understand people sometimes...

[Dwoops]

So I’ve recently been struggling a lot with feeling like anyone cares about me. A group of “friends” I have use a group chat to converse and stuff. To me it seems like no one ever cares about what I say, and when someone does respond it is generally harshly due to a misunderstanding. I decided to do an experiment to see what they thought, I would leave the group chat.

Less than 10 seconds after leaving someone messaged me directly asking if I was alright, then a second person. The second person said everyone was freaking out and asked if there was anything they could do.

This has made me feel so conflicted and confused. It seems like they genuinely care about my well being but not necessarily about me. I don’t really understand why they seem to treat me like an 3rd wheel but then all the sudden give me all the attention when I do something as little as leaving a group chat.
In retrospect, this whole experiment of mine seems a little immature and rash, but it also has left me confused. I just don’t know how to feel because these people are some of the only people I might consider friends but they pay very little attention to me and I just don’t fit it well with them.

 

[Dillon]

So I’ve recently been struggling a lot with feeling like anyone cares about me. A group of “friends” I have use a group chat to converse and stuff. To me it seems like no one ever cares about what I say, and when someone does respond it is generally harshly due to a misunderstanding. I decided to do an experiment to see what they thought, I would leave the group chat.

Less than 10 seconds after leaving someone messaged me directly asking if I was alright, then a second person. The second person said everyone was freaking out and asked if there was anything they could do.

This has made me feel so conflicted and confused. It seems like they genuinely care about my well being but not necessarily about me. I don’t really understand why they seem to treat me like an 3rd wheel but then all the sudden give me all the attention when I do something as little as leaving a group chat.
In retrospect, this whole experiment of mine seems a little immature and rash, but it also has left me confused. I just don’t know how to feel because these people are some of the only people I might consider friends but they pay very little attention to me and I just don’t fit it well with them.

Same thing happens to me bud. I find that when I’m with group of friends I’m with care about me but at the same time don’t.
I think our minds get things flipped thinking that they don’t care about you when in reality they do. The way how I find if the person does not care about you is when they say things to you negatively and are intentionally being rude. If these “friends” are actually excluding you constantly on purpose and only care as in what they want from you, being taken advantage of then those people are not your friends and that’s what I look out for.

 

[Mary Anne]

So I’ve recently been struggling a lot with feeling like anyone cares about me. A group of “friends” I have use a group chat to converse and stuff. To me it seems like no one ever cares about what I say, and when someone does respond it is generally harshly due to a misunderstanding. I decided to do an experiment to see what they thought, I would leave the group chat.

Less than 10 seconds after leaving someone messaged me directly asking if I was alright, then a second person. The second person said everyone was freaking out and asked if there was anything they could do.

This has made me feel so conflicted and confused. It seems like they genuinely care about my well being but not necessarily about me. I don’t really understand why they seem to treat me like an 3rd wheel but then all the sudden give me all the attention when I do something as little as leaving a group chat.
In retrospect, this whole experiment of mine seems a little immature and rash, but it also has left me confused. I just don’t know how to feel because these people are some of the only people I might consider friends but they pay very little attention to me and I just don’t fit it well with them.

In your mind, how WOULD they genuinely care about you? What are some ways that they could let you know?

 

[Tom]

Seen stuff like this. Some might still reflect their own self image/concern. ie. 'what was wrong with us that someone would want to leave...'

 

[sisselcakes]

So I’ve recently been struggling a lot with feeling like anyone cares about me. A group of “friends” I have use a group chat to converse and stuff. To me it seems like no one ever cares about what I say, and when someone does respond it is generally harshly due to a misunderstanding. I decided to do an experiment to see what they thought, I would leave the group chat.

Less than 10 seconds after leaving someone messaged me directly asking if I was alright, then a second person. The second person said everyone was freaking out and asked if there was anything they could do.

This has made me feel so conflicted and confused. It seems like they genuinely care about my well being but not necessarily about me. I don’t really understand why they seem to treat me like an 3rd wheel but then all the sudden give me all the attention when I do something as little as leaving a group chat.
In retrospect, this whole experiment of mine seems a little immature and rash, but it also has left me confused. I just don’t know how to feel because these people are some of the only people I might consider friends but they pay very little attention to me and I just don’t fit it well with them.

They definitely care about you if they are immediately asking what happened to you. That means they see you as part of the group and they notice your absence. Having said that, just because they care about you doesn't mean that they won't get annoyed with you. In fact, for me, being able to express my annoyance with someone actually indicates how close I feel to them. Like if a family member gets on my nerves, I can tell those I trust. For not-so-close friends I'd never have the trust to actually show my annoyance.

Could you be misreading the tone of their comments; or is it possible the others speak to each other in the same tone and it's just a characteristic of the group and perhaps you aren't as focused on those comments? It's hard to say what the dynamic is, but they definitely care about you.

 

[sisselcakes]

Seen stuff like this. Some might still reflect their own self image/concern. ie. 'what was wrong with us that someone would want to leave...'

I hadn't thought of this, actually. This could play into it, but someone did reach out to see if dwoops was okay, so I would interpret it as though at least some of the members are concerned.

I would be inclined to come out and ask them what the deal is.

 

[Shamar]

I hadn't thought of this, actually. This could play into it, but someone did reach out to see if dwoops was okay, so I would interpret it as though at least some of the members are concerned.

I would be inclined to come out and ask them what the deal is.

Since Dwoops has been here awhile, I assume he is autistic. It sounds to me like others care about him, but he is marginalized by the group, possibly due to autism characteristics and reactions. I certainly have experience being marginalized and ignored by others, although I don't remember anyone ever really caring about me, other than temporarily.

I admit I don't really know anything about the differences between men with autism and women with autism. I'm guessing the characteristics are similar, but the treatment from the NT world would be different. This may make an interesting discussion topic, if it hasn't been done already.

 

[AO1501]

...I admit I don't really know anything about the differences between men with autism and women with autism. I'm guessing the characteristics are similar, but the treatment from the NT world would be different. This may make an interesting discussion topic, if it hasn't been done already.

There's been a lot said and written about the differences, not least because it must have always seemed odd that based on diagnoses alone, autism has always appeared more prevalent in males than females. Since that appears not really to be the case, it means that autistic traits must therefore be rather less visible in females, meaning fewer seem problematic enough to parents and the adult population as a whole, let alone medical professionals, to then be considered in need of a diagnosis.

The expectations we as a society have of girls is different from boys, and since girls tend to be rather more socialised in their interactions and play, where boys are typically more confrontational, it has been suggested that girls learn to mask and mimic much more - hence appearing more 'normal'. My partner fits that totally. It is clear to me in the time we're together that she is certainly on the spectrum, yet outwardly to others who don't know her so well, she appears quite normal. Indeed, her behaviours when in my company are rather different than when she is with others.

I also think that given we are all different, people on the spectrum may share a lot of similar characteristics, but that it doesn't mean they manifest themselves in the same way. I think that's why a diagnosis is not usually a simple thing to achieve.