I hid

[Pats]

I really don't know if it was the autism itself why I hid or that I could only be myself when no one was around. I know I've talked in the past about the era in which I grew up - you didn't have autism or ADHD or so on. You were either sane or insane and thus, you were pretty much forced to be sane. You had to fit in and act like everyone else - no options given. In school, you were lined up for everyone to do this or that - but we had to be these little figures doing as instructed or you were punished for going any degree off. I will admit I deliberately would get in trouble during class because I liked the punishment - usually having to stay alone in the classroom and write 100 times over while the rest of the class was at recess or sit in the hallway by yourself for the remainder of the class. So, yes - I'm going to chew gum in class so I can sit alone.

But I was remembering that I hid a lot as a child. I can remember sitting on the side of the house where no one ever was, hiding behind a corner and singing my own made up songs about the sky and trees and so on. No one ever saw that. I do remember sitting in the closet lining up my matchbox cars. Even during the time we would all sit down and watch tv, I sat in the chair that I could turn and the chair would be blocking my view of the rest and blocking their view of me. Oh sometimes I played with my siblings - my brother would have me play cowboys and Indians with him or bank robbers and he'd tell me what to do. I played Barbies with my sister but didn't interact - I just dressed and re-dressed the Barbies - so basically I was playing with her close by. I preferred being alone and playing alone.

One thing I didn't like about playing with anyone else is that you had to talk and I didn't want to - even after I learned how. But, even as an adult, I always kind of hid myself. Doing paperwork as a nurse, I'd take the computer in the corner where no one could see you. If in a group of people, always stay back (which I was just referred to as a wall flower) or would find somewhere to get off to myself. I have actually and deliberately hidden in bathrooms and stuff. I wasn't hiding from anyone in particular - just not wanting to be seen or noticed or talked to, I guess. And I can remember all the trips we took in the motorhome every year. (Which is when I fell in love with the west. ) But I also spent a lot of time in the back, on one of the beds, facing the corner and going into my own little made up world.

 

[Mia]

But I was remembering that I hid a lot as a child.

I did as well, come to think of it. You have a great memory for these behaviours Pats. Made myself a little treehouse big enough for one personThat was hidden in a tall cedar hedge. Hid in my bedroom closet and in the attic and under my bed.

 

[tducey]

I never really hid but I was very quiet in school for a while.

 

[Fino]

Me.
Too.
.

 

[Thinx]

I hide now, socially, but I tried to socialize for most of my life, thinking I'd get the hang of it more and learn skills. That never happened plus I realised it was autism so stopped trying. I am lonely sometimes. I maybe should try a bit more socially, some people like my sense of humour and I can be witty. I'm 61 too, same era different country.

 

[Nauti]

I hid a lot and I hide now, too.
I.would hide in the library, in a book, at school, throughout lunchtime. I was a super quiet kid, and didn't really get in trouble, 'til the ninth grade. I was always the new kid and I got abused at home, so I just tried to be invisible, at school. I was an only child for nine years, I liked reading, climbing trees, and riding my bike. Life was very tough, growing up. I didn't really have any security or anyone to talk to. I ended up a "street kid" at 16. No wonder I still hide.

 

[H-Kath]

I liked to hide under my bed. Once I heard about vows of silence I tried to see how long I could go without speaking. I think it's because I was often mute in public.

 

[inkfingers]

I remember clearing out a little nook in my closet where I could sit in the dark and have quiet time. I also liked to go under the bed. I found that my girl friends mostly sat and talked, whereas the boys actually played, so I spent quite a bit of time running around with a nerf gun and traipsing down the creek with my brother and a couple other boys. Boys generally seem to be better friends because (from my experience) they talk less and do more. And girls are confusing in general. I'm 19, and I'm only just figuring out why anyone would dress nicely and wear makeup. LOL...

But, yeah, separating myself from other people is the norm. When I had a part-time job at a garden center, one of my tasks was to put price sticker on the plant pots. I hide out in the back corner of the green house behind the many carts of plants, and stick on the labels. It was really fun and peaceful until someone talked to me or a customer asked for help or I had to come out of my hidy-hole to work on something else. I was always the quiet, shy girl at work. My boss and one particular coworker really helped me to work on my social-skills, though. They encouraged me to be more outgoing and helpful to the customers. They didn't even know I had autism (I didn't know at the time, either), they were simply trying to help me do my job. I learned a lot there, but eventually suffered from autistic burnout and had to quit.

 

[inkfingers]

I hide now, socially, but I tried to socialize for most of my life, thinking I'd get the hang of it more and learn skills. That never happened plus I realised it was autism so stopped trying. I am lonely sometimes. I maybe should try a bit more socially, some people like my sense of humour and I can be witty. I'm 61 too, same era different country.

My dad wants me to be more social, but I've kind of given up as well. It usually turns out to be a waste of mental resources and energy. I only socialize if I have to, or if there is a good candidate for a friendship that I would be interested in (I don't really have any friends right now, but there is one girl who is nice that I might try to get to know better).

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I couldn't really connect with my older siblings in my early childhood, either.

As for the hiding, I have done that in the past. I still do that, but mostly when I am feeling anxious. It's not hiding as in under/in something, it is more of not telling people my feelings. Led to some problems before, and I am learning to try and better express my feelings to other people verbally and get more comfortable with doing so. Physical hiding is a normal hiding, but emotional hiding is probably not so much.

 

[Aspychata]

l prefer to call it a time-out. Not that l am hiding, l need to regroup and think my course of action, and feel safe as l contemplate my life goals, a time-out is a grownup way to say hiding. lol

 

[Progster]

I will admit I deliberately would get in trouble during class because I liked the punishment - usually having to stay alone in the classroom and write 100 times over while the rest of the class was at recess or sit in the hallway by yourself for the remainder of the class.

I remember that I also liked the 'punishments' that they gave me, but I didn't do things deliberately to get punished because the school would call my parents and that had unpleasant consequences.

My only memory of my first year in kindergarten is of being punished. I was sent to stand in the corner facing the wall. I remember that I could hear the distant sound of cars going along the road, and that sound calmed me. At the time I didn't realise that it was a punishment, I was just following instructions to stand in the corner.
In middle school, I was punished a couple of times. They send me to the headmaster and was asked to wait in the corridor outside his office. I waited there all break, and he never came. This happened a couple of times. In elementary school, the headmaster once made me stay in the classroom and write a story. I liked this, but didn't know what to write. I was never very good at creative writing.

But I was remembering that I hid a lot as a child.

In my school, the dinner ladies used to go round all the cloakrooms and classrooms and send the kids outside. I used to hide among all the hanging coats in the cloakroom so that the dinner lady wouldn't send me outside. Other times, I used to go to a quiet place up on the grass away from the other kids and look for bugs and watch them, or go to the library and read. At home, I had a hideout at the back of the house, but I often just went up into the bathroom and lock the door with a book, run myself a bath and read in the bath for an hour or so. Very relaxing and peaceful.

Now, as an adult, I ofte hide from people coming to the house to speak to my partner and let him deal with them. I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.

 

[Pats]

Now, as an adult, I ofte hide from people coming to the house to speak to my partner and let him deal with them. I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.[/QUOTE]
When they order pizza upstairs the pizza guy always comes to my door first because mine is the first door you see. If I know he is coming I will turn my light off and hide.