Most people your age work 40 to 70 hours a week and have a spouse and children to take care of which means they have very little time left over to spend with friends. Because of that, they want to spend their valuable free time with the people they feel the best around. For most people, that means similarly successful, mentally well people, who think positively and know how to have a good time. They don't want to spend their limited, valuable time with people who think negatively, take things the wrong way, or have tantrums because they can't control their emotions. These kind of things drag others down by causing unnecessary stress and worsening their mood. They often put up with enough problems at work and sometimes with their family so they want their free time to be as enjoyable and stress-free as possible. Additionally, given that most people have hundreds of acquaintances but only have time to spend with a handful of friends, even without mental problems, you still have to be better than all their other options. Moreover, people who are successful, employed, and mentally well often have all the friends they need and aren't interested in making new friends with anyone.
While making a positive impact on someone's life is good enough to be an acquaintance, it isn't nearly enough to be a friend. You basically need 2 things to get a friend:
1. The person has to want additional friends (many successful, mentally well people already have all the friends they need)
2. When others want a friend, you have to be better than all of the other options available to them.
It helps to look at things from their perspective. If you had 50 mentally well acquaintances who wanted to be your friend, would you choose to be friends with someone who has mental problems? Would you choose a friend who allows you have a good time or one where you have to act as their personal therapist?
The same reasons you mentioned for not wanting to be friends with mentally ill people are the same reasons mentally well people don't want to be friends with you. Is it fair to judge them for not wanting to be your friend when you are unwilling to be friends with others like yourself? If you can't overcome your mental issues, you're going to have to settle for friends with mental issues or compromise in other areas, such as age (older people are often more lonely - thus more in need of friends and more willing to put up with some of your issues). If you don't like those options, spend less time pursuing your ideal female friend and more time working on your problems (ask your therapist for help finding additional treatment options).
