1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured I have no Aspie ftiends

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SteveNomad, Jun 20, 2020.

  1. SteveNomad

    SteveNomad Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    293
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2019
    Karma:
    +153
    I gave no Aspie friends. I don't think I've ever had any real face-to-face relationship with someone I knew to be Aspie/AS. (There is a close Aspie friend of mine whom I've never met) I've never gone, with regularity and gratification, to any AS social/support groups.
    When I have gone I haven't fit in. I'm older than most people who go to such groups And my economic/social status makes me an outsider. When I've gone to groups, they amounted to restaraunts afterward - I didn't have the money for that. And was too scruffy, and had to carry things, and maybe had to show back up afterwards and couldn't hang around.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 4
  2. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,265
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +8,971
    I've had a few aspie friends and they were all annoying. I'd say almost the same of my non-aspie friends, just to be clear.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    371
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2020
    Karma:
    +548
    I went to a 'Austism' support group and didn't find anyone i connected to, i've formed and 'lost' numerous 'friendships' throughout my life, guess i'm saying 'friendships' are tough, i dislike computers but since joining here have found more interesting, funny, thought provoking and support that most of my life, i check in here often and it's become a positive part of my routine, i can't see you, expect you to go to a posh restaurant or base any judgement other than the words you share so here prehaps is a good place for you.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
  4. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,548
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,140
    I had an aspie friend but she turned out to be melodramatic and a complainer so that didn't last. I also went to an autism support group and found almost everyone there quite annoying. I find I fit in best with nerdy NTs.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    6,031
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +12,995
    I used to have a friend at university who I'm convinced was an aspie and we were close friends, but one day she left and I got a letter from her at the end of which was "hope you have a nice life" and I never heard from her again. Another friend, who I think was an undiagnosed aspie, had some really bad lifestyle choices/habits, like chain smoking and not ever doing any physical exercise, passed away after coming down with the flu and contracting pneumonia. I had a couple more who might be on the spectrum... one that just stopped talking to me for no reason I could fathom out, one that just drifted away after leaving university. Other than that. I don't know anyone on the spectrum... or openly on the spectrum, at least. But there again, I don't meet a lot of new people in my life, it's unlikely that I'd meet any.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  6. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,548
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,140
    I'm sorry about your friend that died :disappointed: and for what was probably an upsetting experience with the first friend, but I have to admit that this made me laugh as it pretty much sums up my attitude when I move away from friends. Other people seem to feel the need to keep in contact but if I can't see people in person due to distance then I'm very much "nah, have a nice life". On reflection I'm probably a bit of a bad friend :emojiconfused: oh well.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  7. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    6,031
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +12,995
    It was more confusing that upsetting... the fact that she had written this indicated that she had made a conscious decision not to talk to me again, with no explanation, and I wondered what I had done wrong. For people just to drift apart happens all the time and is normal, but writing a letter with "have a nice life" isn't exactly normal.

    (edit) Having said that, I'm guilty myself of doing this... I've also moved on from friends or not contacted people when I've moved, too. Friendships/contacts etc are often based on a specific context. Remove that context, and the reason for the contact is lost. I don't so get emotionally attached to people the way that most people do, but it does bug me if someone appears to reject me where I don't understand the reason for it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2020
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,016
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Karma:
    +3,459
    Outside of NT norms, I now think that the way I'm wired doesn't facilitate staying in touch with others. I just find it almost impossible, it's not actually a choice.

    Any of the few friends Ive made tend to be people who organise me into their friendship group. If I move away, I can't be part of it anymore. Then my failures to keep in touch in other ways apart from an occasional card tend to alienate them it seems, understandably.

    This has always been a core part of how I am, despite many years of focussed therapy, I m just saying that in case anyone wants to tell me that a day or 2 of CBT will do the trick. It didn't. Nor did years and years of varied, interesting and in many other ways useful therapy. I absolutely thought this was changeable, all my life, whereas now I realise that very certainty, as it relates to this particular area in me, was also part of my autistic traits.

    I do think this aspect of how we can be can be problematic in isolating us, and it would be good to have more back up or connections available, as life can be hard to navigate without many others at times. It's about practicalities aswell as having the option of company. Also I think how deep this trait or effect is in us probably varies, and this may be due to particular genetic or in vitreo/neurological developmental factors perhaps, how the brain ultimately can function in this area.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

    Messages:
    1,151
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Karma:
    +1,414
    I was in school with mostly autistic kids, but none of them were friends really. I doubt it will be any different throughout adulthood.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,118
    Joined:
    May 22, 2017
    Karma:
    +5,644
    I've dated two Aspie guys.
    They are different, but, so am I, and we always got along well.
    We had common interests and it was easy to talk.
    One was much older than myself, yet we had an off and on again type of relationship.
    He finally ended up marrying a woman nearer his age who had several grand kids that lived with her.

    One just kind of drifted away and once we fell out of touch we both were the type not to deliberately
    keep in communication.

    Currently I have one that is a friend or maybe a bit more, but, he's going with other women too.
    He lost his Mom about a year ago and has been having a hard time adjusting.
    He'd always lived with her.
    So he trys dating. Breaks up. Tries alone, but, has a hard time.
    Calls me everytime he is upset wanting to talk about his problems. :rolleyes:
    We understand each other though.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  11. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    386
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +588
    Good ftiends are hard to find!
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2020
    • Agree Agree x 2
  12. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    278
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2020
    Karma:
    +569
    Same! The way you described that scenario was spot on. Older aspies have a world of confusion the younger ones can never understand (thank goodness). An older Aspie I know endured shock treatment! Even if we were dxed, there was way more shame and lack of understanding. The word "retard" WAS used a lot. :-(

    Of course, all the can lead to lower economic earnings, etc. I read somewhere one of the number one causes of death for older autistics is suicide! I hope no one here does that.

    It almost makes me sad to be around others who have been allowed to just be aspie. BUT I do find that other aspies are very very open and accepting. They are probably accepting you more than you think. I have never found an aspie that has turned me away in the groups. It was always me that felt different. Try really hard to talk to them and find their special interests! Then they will ask you. I know it's hard.
     
  13. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,218
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2018
    Karma:
    +3,111
    I dated a couple of guys who were almost certainly autistic, though not diagnosed as such. We had initially a bond but they both became very annoying. In both cases, I was the one breaking up with them. I maintained friendships with them a while but let that fall away.
     
  14. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    363
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2020
    Karma:
    +227
    I had the same experience. The funny thing is everyone else probably felt the same way.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. Sara3

    Sara3 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    95
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2018
    Karma:
    +160
    Hi, I have never interacted in real life with an adult Aspie. Only virtually. I see that many of you say that the people you met were annoying. Can you tell me why they were annoying? I am very curious about it.
     
  16. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,265
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +8,971
    They typically go through a lot of pleasantries, likely following a script, and they do it every time so the conversations get a little repetitive, and they're typically very kind in an awkward, over-the-top sort of way that is a little uncomfortable.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  17. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    363
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2020
    Karma:
    +227
    I'll give an example. Someone was talking to the group and different people interrupted him almost every other sentence to mention some trivial detail, correct his grammar, point out rare exceptions that hardly applied to anyone, object to something because they misunderstand due to interpreting too literally, or ask irrelevant questions. It ended up taking him 20 minutes to convey something that would normally only take 5 minutes without interruptions. All those interruptions also made it hard to follow what he was saying. I kept wanting to tell them to shut up so I could listen and understand what he was saying.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  18. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    6,031
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +12,995
    One person I knew (he passed away) who I'm fairly sure was on the spectrum had theater as his special interest. He would relate everything to theater; I'm a foreigner living in a foreign land speaking a foreign language, and naturally, I have an accent. He would keep trying to fix this, even though I told him that I don't want/need it to be fixed, even suggesting I need elocution lessons. This really annoyed me. And he would talk about theater all the time, even though I had little interest in this. He did a lot of things that annoyed other people, or which other people found socially inappropiate or just off, or rude. Like sitting at the table in the pizzeria with his wife and making comments on the young girls who walked past the table.
    Edited - changed my mind.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
    • Informative Informative x 1
  19. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,548
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,140
    Things which I found annoying in a lot of the people I met at the autism support group where: talking over other people, distasteful or inappropriate humour (there was one man in particular who seemed incapable of not making sexual jokes and innuendo every other sentence), a tendency to unnecessarily or incorrectly correct others, lots of complaining (though this is probably to be expected in any support group), and the way some of the men persistently and ineptly tried to hit on the few women present. Basically it can all be put down to poor social skills which is par for the course.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  20. Pillar

    Pillar New Member

    Messages:
    13
    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2019
    Karma:
    +16
    I am willing to be your occasional friend. I am very friendly and get along with people really well. Moreover, I think it's best for people like us to befriend "regular" people rather than people with difficulties, as we need the contact of "regular" people in order to advance and not be pulled down to the other person's issues due to the disorder!