I have a question

[dnstech2003]

I have been diagnosed with asbergers and I wanna know why my wife thinks I'm clingy and controlling towards her?

 

[King_Oni]

Have you asked her why she thinks this is?

Aside from that open door, I suppose the other question is "are you someone who likes to be in control of things?" If you answer with a yes, that might very well explain a bit

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I think the usual consensus is that people with Asperger syndrome can be quite distant so that's probably your own personality showing you as clingy person.

 

[Suzanne]

The best thing to do is to ask her?

My husband complains with the opposite; wishes I was more clingy with him ie more romantic; for really I am clingy when we go out due to be chronic with social anxiety.

I know it is not easy to ask questions, as an aspie and heck I often forget to ask, but when I do, does make life a bit easier.

 

[Odd Duck 1357]

Aspies don't feel comfortable with most people and many situations, and you have broken through that glass bubble we seem to have and fell in love and married. Your wife is familiar and dear, a source of security and comfort in a hostile, unfriendly world. You may naturally gravitate towards her not just as a spouse but as a source of comfort. My husband says the same thing about me; he doesn't understand this is because I trust him and feel comfortable with him and, as an Aspie, don't need many friends. We probably seem clingy to neurotypicals who have a much larger pool of friends and family they enjoy being with.

 

[midlife aspie]

Having a need for control can present a lot of problems in a relationship, depending on what things one feels the need to control. "Clingyness" can be a possible sign of anxiety, or insecurity.

 

[On the Inside]

My partner is the clingy, controlling one, and the NT. Those are behavioral issues, not Asperger traits. While I will gravitate towards her in most social situations because she is familiar and helps to ease the discomfort of socializing, I am far from being controlling. I'm usually chided for "going with the flow" all the time, and not having enough input.

 

[zurb]

"Controlling" might be "Oh no, another social appointment? I'm/we're not going" Maybe helpful to say you need time out to recharge, but she can go if she likes.

"Clingy" might be "I've been dragged to another social thing where I know no one. Well, I do know one person, so I hang around her."

"Controlling" can also be an attempt to get some order and routine into life. Aspies typically hate being out of control. They love plans so they know what to expect. NTs don't seem to care. They love spontaneity and surprises.