I have a lot of problems that are constantly bothering me

[Ya Boi]

I’ve been having a really tough time lately. There are a lot of things bothering me that instantly make me depressed once I think about them.

• I’ve been out of college for over a year and I still don’t have a full-time job. I’ve tried so hard to find one for my degrees (communication and film), yet I was only able to land a part-time job as a baker in a cookie store. The only full-time opportunities I got were for sales jobs. All the jobs related to my degrees also require years of experience I don’t have.
• At the same time, I’m scared of what having a full-time job will do to me. I don’t like the idea of having to wake up early each day (for the record, I usually wake up around 9 or ten) and then work for eight hours only to go home and have little time to do the stuff I want to do. I also hate the idea of having little free time to do things like going to game stores for Warhammer and d&d.
• There’s so much stuff I want to do, yet I don’t have the will to do them. There are games I want to play, books I want to read, stuff I want to watch, models I want to write, and stuff I want to write. Yet I rarely get around to any of them and more often than not just waste my time browsing YouTube or Reddit. I can’t seem to make myself do any of those things despite wanting to do them. And then my list of things I want to do grows larger without me making any progress on getting through it.
  • On top of that, I feel like I’m extremely lazy. I feel like I put off stuff I need to do constantly, either because I get distracted with other stuff or because I don’t have the will to make myself do them. For example, I wanted to make this post for a while and only now have I finally found the will to do it.
    • I am diagnosed with ADHD and I heard a lot of people with it suffer from executive dysfunction, but I don’t know if I have that or if I am just lazy.
• I want to write, but I also don’t want to write at the same time. I preferably want to write fiction and while there are plenty of ideas I want to write about, there are some that I feel uncomfortable writing about for some reason. I don’t know if it’s because they’re too personal, if I’m afraid of being judged for them, or if I’m scared people would look at me differently because of them. But whatever the reason is, I don’t want to write about them despite writing being what I want to do.
• I feel like I pursued the wrong career in college. I originally wanted to pursue either engineering or filmmaking, but after having a terrible time in an engineering class, I decided I’d rather go into filmmaking and become a writer. However, with how hard it’s been finding a job and the problem I just mentioned, I feel like I made the wrong choice.
• I have few friends and don’t know how to make more. I moved down to Florida from New England last year and it still feels like I haven't made a lot of progress. I’ve tried going to game stores and joining a board game club in the community I’m in, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve made any big friendships. I try to keep in contact with my friends from back home, but they never text me and if I try texting them they won’t always respond to me. As you can probably imagine, it doesn’t feel good.

These thoughts have been bothering me for over a month now and they feel like a reminder of how awful of a person I am. It’s gotten to the point where I want to beat myself whenever I think about them because I feel like I deserve it. I want to find some way to resolve these problems, but I don’t know what to do.

 

[VictorR]

Have you been in contact with your alma mater(s)? Either your previous profs and/or the career centre might be able to provide some advice or potential contacts to help with networking. They might not get you a job, but doing things like informational interviews might help you identify steps you may wish to take going forward that'll bring you closer to your dream jobs.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I’ve been having a really tough time lately. There are a lot of things bothering me that instantly make me depressed once I think about them.

• I’ve been out of college for over a year and I still don’t have a full-time job. I’ve tried so hard to find one for my degrees (communication and film), yet I was only able to land a part-time job as a baker in a cookie store. The only full-time opportunities I got were for ****** sales jobs. All the jobs related to my degrees also require years of experience I don’t have.
• At the same time, I’m scared of what having a full-time job will do to me. I don’t like the idea of having to wake up early each day (for the record, I usually wake up around 9 or ten) and then work for eight hours only to go home and have little time to do the stuff I want to do. I also hate the idea of having little free time to do things like going to game stores for Warhammer and d&d.
• There’s so much stuff I want to do, yet I don’t have the will to do them. There are games I want to play, books I want to read, stuff I want to watch, models I want to write, and stuff I want to write. Yet I rarely get around to any of them and more often than not just waste my time browsing YouTube or Reddit. I can’t seem to make myself do any of those things despite wanting to do them. And then my list of things I want to do grows larger without me making any progress on getting through it.
  • On top of that, I feel like I’m extremely lazy. I feel like I put off stuff I need to do constantly, either because I get distracted with other stuff or because I don’t have the will to make myself do them. For example, I wanted to make this post for a while and only now have I finally found the will to do it.
    • I am diagnosed with ADHD and I heard a lot of people with it suffer from executive dysfunction, but I don’t know if I have that or if I am just lazy.
• I want to write, but I also don’t want to write at the same time. I preferably want to write fiction and while there are plenty of ideas I want to write about, there are some that I feel uncomfortable writing about for some reason. I don’t know if it’s because they’re too personal, if I’m afraid of being judged for them, or if I’m scared people would look at me differently because of them. But whatever the reason is, I don’t want to write about them despite writing being what I want to do.
• I feel like I pursued the wrong career in college. I originally wanted to pursue either engineering or filmmaking, but after having a terrible time in an engineering class, I decided I’d rather go into filmmaking and become a writer. However, with how hard it’s been finding a job and the problem I just mentioned, I feel like I made the wrong choice.
• I have few friends and don’t know how to make more. I moved down to Florida from New England last year and it still feels like I haven't made a lot of progress. I’ve tried going to game stores and joining a board game club in the community I’m in, but it doesn’t feel like I’ve made any big friendships. I try to keep in contact with my friends from back home, but they never text me and if I try texting them they won’t always respond to me. As you can probably imagine, it doesn’t feel good.

These thoughts have been bothering me for over a month now and they feel like a reminder of how awful of a person I am. It’s gotten to the point where I want to beat myself whenever I think about them because I feel like I deserve it. I want to find some way to resolve these problems, but I don’t know what to do.

What you are experiencing is rather common. I experienced it as well. I finished a degree that I really wasn't all that keen on at the time. I had a brain full of distractions, special interests, and invasive thoughts that would just consume my mind. I couldn't focus, I wasn't happy with where I was at, I wasn't making the money I wanted, I never seemed to have enough time, and my mind was racing all the time.

I'm not sure how or when it happened, but slowly, I sort of settled into my situation. I think reality set in at some point. I had to become an adult. I was recently married, I had a car and a home to pay for, I had responsibilities. I went through that phase where you have "kingly" tastes, but on a "peasant" budget. That sucks, because you have all these "wants" and I ran up quite a bit of debt spending money on "wants". Shortly after that, it didn't matter how much money I made, we couldn't get ourselves out from under those stupid credit cards. It crippled us for over 20 years. Been there, done that, learned some hard, hard lessons. Thank the Lord, we beat those hard lessons into our children. They are much, much better with their money. Frugal and living modestly. Both paid off over $100K in student loans within 5 years, while putting money away into pre-tax retirement accounts. They are on track to retire at age 50.

You mentioned "executive functioning". This is important to be self-aware. Anyone can get distracted and derail themselves if they don't have short and long-term goals. When you're young and starting out, 10, 20, 40 years from now seems like an eternity. There's a saying, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." To reach a long-term goal, you have to set many short-term goals. It may be "living within your means, financially." Whatever that means for you. It may be engaging in your writing and getting things published. If you are going to be creative, at least get paid. Now-a-days, you don't need a "publisher" like you did some 20 years ago. Just do it and keep doing it. If that means working a job you don't particularly like as a "means to an end", paying the bills until your writing career takes off, then that's what you have to do. You can have dreams, but that takes goal setting, putting yourself out there, a lot of work, and persistence in the face of adversity. There is a lot of adversity out there. A lot of people in your way will tell you "No.", so you adapt, overcome, go around them, whatever you have to do to keep yourself on track. You also have to be responsible and financially smart, so finding a job to pay the bills in the meantime is critical. Not many people "like" working, but it's an essential part of being a responsible adult.

As a child, all you wanted to do was grow up so you can "do what you want". As an adult, all you want to do is be a child so you can "do what you want.". Freedom is hard-earned, it's not given.

 

[Angular Chap]

On top of that, I feel like I’m extremely lazy. I feel like I put off stuff I need to do constantly, either because I get distracted with other stuff or because I don’t have the will to make myself do them. For example, I wanted to make this post for a while and only now have I finally found the will to do it.

• I am diagnosed with ADHD and I heard a lot of people with it suffer from executive dysfunction, but I don’t know if I have that or if I am just lazy.

You are not lazy. That is a common stereotypical view that people have about ADHD, Autism and executive dysfunction. Anyone who would call you "lazy" is themself perpetrating a lazy, outdated stereotype.

These thoughts have been bothering me for over a month now and they feel like a reminder of how awful of a person I am. It’s gotten to the point where I want to beat myself whenever I think about them because I feel like I deserve it.

You are not an awful person. You do not deserve it. No one does.

I would say one of the first steps away from your current situation is to refuse to beat yourself up about it, and refuse to let anyone else's attitudes put the idea in your head that you are lazy and somehow at fault.

I feel like people's attitudes have not quite caught up with the realities of modern education and employment situations, and that's before we even factor in attitudes towards ADHD and Autism.

All the best to you.