I had some problems, big problems, with my bf and my mother. I posted them all on WP because my mother and bf refused to hear me out. I needed someone, just one person, to understand what had happened to me and where I was coming from. But I didn't think that I could just tell a few friends privately and save it in Google Docs to try and bring it up with my mom and bf later. So I posted it on the open forums and everyone knows my embarrassing business. I really need a solution to this. People probably think now that I'm totally pathetic and that the closest people to me treat me like I am either pathetic or bad or both.
Also, I had said stuff about my bf that proved to not be accurate when he actually explained himself to me. (Even tho he didn't explain himself fast enough for me to not suffer thinking he had done X, but that was due to his own very real clinical depression and him not wanting to exacerbate it by dealing with difficult issues). During the months it took to get it all out of him, I could have just saved it in a private Google Docs document and told some trusted friends privately. And I swear to God; I didn't think about that until my bf told me that is what I should have done (well, the telling friends anyway; I thought of the Google Docs thing myself but way too late; I had already posted it on the forums and people had read it.) I was so stupid. And I'm paying for it every day of my life, with him trusting me less and the people I told in public thinking this awfulness I wrote about was going on when it wasn't.
I feel like everyone in the community dislikes or is turned off by me now. I'm starting to feel suicidal again. The only thing I have going for me is my honesty. I am a verbal slut and nobody respects me any more. I suspect that is also a large part of why I was banned from WP.
I really need someone to talk to. I need a way out of this. Maybe posting this thread will redeem me a little, but the damage is done and it will take a very long time to undo.
Also, I had said stuff about my bf that proved to not be accurate when he actually explained himself to me. (Even tho he didn't explain himself fast enough for me to not suffer thinking he had done X, but that was due to his own very real clinical depression and him not wanting to exacerbate it by dealing with difficult issues). During the months it took to get it all out of him, I could have just saved it in a private Google Docs document and told some trusted friends privately. And I swear to God; I didn't think about that until my bf told me that is what I should have done (well, the telling friends anyway; I thought of the Google Docs thing myself but way too late; I had already posted it on the forums and people had read it.) I was so stupid. And I'm paying for it every day of my life, with him trusting me less and the people I told in public thinking this awfulness I wrote about was going on when it wasn't.
I feel like everyone in the community dislikes or is turned off by me now. I'm starting to feel suicidal again. The only thing I have going for me is my honesty. I am a verbal slut and nobody respects me any more. I suspect that is also a large part of why I was banned from WP.
I really need someone to talk to. I need a way out of this. Maybe posting this thread will redeem me a little, but the damage is done and it will take a very long time to undo.