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I feel like a verbal slut. Somebody help me.

Ana54

Well-Known Member
I had some problems, big problems, with my bf and my mother. I posted them all on WP because my mother and bf refused to hear me out. I needed someone, just one person, to understand what had happened to me and where I was coming from. But I didn't think that I could just tell a few friends privately and save it in Google Docs to try and bring it up with my mom and bf later. So I posted it on the open forums and everyone knows my embarrassing business. I really need a solution to this. People probably think now that I'm totally pathetic and that the closest people to me treat me like I am either pathetic or bad or both.


Also, I had said stuff about my bf that proved to not be accurate when he actually explained himself to me. (Even tho he didn't explain himself fast enough for me to not suffer thinking he had done X, but that was due to his own very real clinical depression and him not wanting to exacerbate it by dealing with difficult issues). During the months it took to get it all out of him, I could have just saved it in a private Google Docs document and told some trusted friends privately. And I swear to God; I didn't think about that until my bf told me that is what I should have done (well, the telling friends anyway; I thought of the Google Docs thing myself but way too late; I had already posted it on the forums and people had read it.) I was so stupid. And I'm paying for it every day of my life, with him trusting me less and the people I told in public thinking this awfulness I wrote about was going on when it wasn't.


I feel like everyone in the community dislikes or is turned off by me now. I'm starting to feel suicidal again. The only thing I have going for me is my honesty. I am a verbal slut and nobody respects me any more. I suspect that is also a large part of why I was banned from WP.


I really need someone to talk to. I need a way out of this. Maybe posting this thread will redeem me a little, but the damage is done and it will take a very long time to undo.
 
I do not dislike you. So the things you have said about your bf weren't true?

Honestly I don't remember everything you said about your bf so I doubt everyone else remembers every single thing you have said.

I thought you said you were banned for not answering two PMs. You said that's what sinsboldly said.

You learn from your mistakes. He should have listened to you anyway and you had no one to turn to except to people on the forum. He can make that be his lesson too. With you both banned from there, who cares what they think now.

I used to rant about my ex there all the time and I never ever mentioned his WP name. He doesn't post there anyway and I saw he hasn't logged in since 2008 so it doesn't matter anymore.

So the lesson is you shouldn't tell people on a forum you're in a relationship with someone on that forum and say who they are. So that way when you rant and not say their user name, people will see your posts and not know who that person is. But my likedcalico posts are buried on that board so little chance they will be seen by everyone there so it doesn't matter. If someone comes across my old post and read it, they won't know who my ex is.

PS I've seen a drama on there between two members and they were in a relationship together in real life and well they both said bad things about each other and both had different point of views about each other. I did not know her bf was on WP or knew who he was until he started responding to her posts. My ex has responded to my posts because he felt the need to defend himself back when we were together but that was his choice. He chose to out himself on there and reveal who he is but I doubt people will find those particular posts. The chances be very slim.
 
Thank you for saying you don't dislike me. I don't dislike you either; I think you're very nice, prolific, popular, friendly, enthusiastic and helpful. :) And funny, of course. Like, one of the more extreme, interesting, delightful eccentrics in the community.


I had thought that the stuff I wrote about him was true but then he explained himself to me and I realized that what I wrote hadn't been true.


Yes, the Sinsboldly banning me for ignoring the PMs is true but the PMs may have been about my constant complaining about him, and being suicidal due to the issues with him. Since I didn't read the PMs, obviously, I don't know what's in them but it might have been that.
 
Popular? Thanks, I didn't know I was popular to some people. I knew I was known by lot of people at WP so I guess I was popular.



I do think it was stupid to ban you. I mean is there anything in the rules about "ignoring PMs from the mod may result to an instant ban?" I didn't know you were supposed to reply to their PMs until you were banned for it. I have been given PMs by her and I didn't always respond to them because I understood and I was guilty so what was there to say? I still was at WP with open membership. But the last time I wasn't guilty because I had no idea Fruend was banned and before that, I had no idea posting a poll on who is the most severe aspie was an attack. But Lau locked it and knew I didn't mean for it to be an attack because he said so in his post. But yet I still got two PMs about it from Sins and Maku. I mean why send me the PMs if they knew Lau took care of it? He posted the rules in his post and locked it saying he accepts I didn't intend for it to be an attack. Yes I did tell those two mods I didn't mean for them to be an attack and it was something for fun. I didn't want them thinking I did it intentionally. There must be some gray areas for when you're supposed to respond and when you don't need to. But I mean didn't they even check your profile to see when you were last logged in? If they saw you hadn't been there since they've sen you the PMs, they will know you didn't ignore them, you just haven't seen them yet.
 
I actually mentioned on the forums that I had two really stern PMs from mods, with the titles in all caps, that I was scared to open because I was so depressed I couldn't take more threats and meanness and criticism. But it was months later that I was banned.
 
My trick would be click on them and then back. It will be seen as read.
 
But then they might say I needed to reply to them, or that I still kept doing what they told me in the PMs to stop doing, or something.
 
Yeah I was always stumped on what to do when I get a PM so I always hoped I won't get busted. I swore they spoke abstractly than concretely. They weren't explicit enough. No wonder some people say WP is an AS unfriendly forum.
 
I understood what most of the PMs meant... all of them except for a few of Sinsboldly's PMs. I found them illogical and unfair.
 
The worst she can do is delete your account. That's what she did to me and to my likedcalico account. Go check it out. But I could be wrong and it was someone else but I have a high feeling it's her. Even Alex thinks someone did it.
 
Wow. I'd better go see if my, my bf's an my mom's accounts are still there. If not, well, I have 7373 posts as ana54, about 50 as Stassia Florine and about 40 as Stasia. My mom had 1 post and my bf had at least a little over 300. How many posts do you have there? I don't get how you have so much time to accumulate thousands of posts at I2, tens of thousands on WP, hundreds here, over 1000 on AFF and ZOMG, and more in several other plkaces... I was always blown away and impressed by that, especially since you also have a life in real life.


I think she deleted it so that she can say honestly "There is no member named Spokane Girl" when someone complains about you being treated badly.
 
I wish WP had deleted my account instead of SG's. I had some really embarrassing posts on there (stuff that either changed or wasn't true tho I thought it was when I posted it) and I have everything I wrote as Ana54 that is important enough to me backed up.
 
Wow. I'd better go see if my, my bf's an my mom's accounts are still there. If not, well, I have 7373 posts as ana54, about 50 as Stassia Florine and about 40 as Stasia. My mom had 1 post and my bf had at least a little over 300. How many posts do you have there? I don't get how you have so much time to accumulate thousands of posts at I2, tens of thousands on WP, hundreds here, over 1000 on AFF and ZOMG, and more in several other plkaces... I was always blown away and impressed by that, especially since you also have a life in real life.


I think she deleted it so that she can say honestly "There is no member named Spokane Girl" when someone complains about you being treated badly.


6 posts as sleepingwolf
2520 as likedcalico
10168 as SG


PS other accounts are missing too I hear.
 
"whatever, Ana. There is really no need to PM me, I don't care anything about you."


That's a switch.


YO! Anyone who's listening... are you sure she isn't bipolar? I mean, I'm bipolar and change my mind, or at least my behavior, fast and dramatically sometimes, and she seems to be doing the same thing.
 
Wow what was your reply to her? Didn't she PM you first?


No I do not know who else lost their accounts.
 
I just told her I'd leave her alone now (meaning in PMs) but that if she ever needed someone to talk to she could find me here. It was me that started the PM conversation; I told her I was sorry about her stolen baby and said I could see why my posts about realizing I abandoned my son unintentionally would get her going. She told me that she never compared my experiences with children to hers and that she had defended me to the other mods for years because they had been wanting to ban me for years, apparently.


But I remember talking to Beentheredonethat, Tinky, Krex and TheMachine1, and at least the two latter ones explicitly told me I was in no danger of being banned. Furthermore, Sins said herself, in a PM called "Reassurance for Ana54", that there was no way I was in danger of being banned. This was a while back.
 

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