I don’t understand what I am doing wrong on social media

[Frostee]

I have had social media for years and years and it has never worked for me.

I post continually and get little back. I post a wide variety from jokes to Pictures. I do have a few people whom like my status etc.

But for the most part I am ignored.

I have noticed this with other Autistics too and I don’t see what they’re doing wrong, either at all. It would seem that there is an invisible barrier with us, wherein nothing we do will ever be socially acceptable.

Yesterday, I posted photos of my London trip: London

I only got one like.. yes one like. This happens to me every time I post photos.

My cousin posts photos and gets 50-60 likes or more. His photos are good, but not out of this World.

Starting to get a little jealous of him.

I do not know what I am doing wrong. This is driving me up the wall and making me depressed.

I know that it is wrong for me to participate in this but I am determined to show people that I am not going to be driven off a site.

I try socially and always seem to fail. I don’t think i’m that odd yet there is ALWAYS a barrier between me and everyone else.

Nobody will accept me for who I am.

Could someone please tell me what is so horrendous about these photos that no one acknowledges them? Are they really that bad? I would genuinely like to know.

 

[tree]

@Frostee

What sort of written commentary do you put with your photos?
How do you convey what the experience was you were having in the locations?
What sort of "feeling" words do you use to describe your activities?
If there are people in the scenes, do you know any of them, by name?

Do you say anything at all about the pictures and how/why/when you were there taking them?
Anything that draws a person in?

 

[rubicks52]

In general, I've found that photos with people in them get more likes. That's not to say that they're better photos than ones without people, but especially if you "tag" the other people in the photo, then it's shown to a wider audience and can get more likes that way.

 

[GadAbout]

How many so-called "friends" do you have on Facebook? And how many of them are truly friends, in the real world?

Are you not aware that people often mindlessly accept friend suggestions or invites, but then put them in a category that shows almost none of their posts? A category such as "acquaintances," or the dreaded "unfollow"?

In other words, maybe very few of your Facebook "friends" ever even see your posts.

It is part of the big lie that is Facebook. Those people are not really friends.

 

[Frostee]

How many so-called "friends" do you have on Facebook? And how many of them are truly friends, in the real world?

Are you not aware that people often mindlessly accept friend suggestions or invites, but then put them in a category that shows almost none of their posts? A category such as "acquaintances," or the dreaded "unfollow"?

In other words, maybe very few of your Facebook "friends" ever even see your posts.

It is part of the big lie that is Facebook. Those people are not really friends.

I have no idea if people are seeing my photos. Some people are not.

The point is that they are not being acknowledged ever.

 

[GadAbout]

So stop posting there, if it bothers you.

You might also try ignoring the "friend" things in your timeline (remember, you can also "unfollow" them) and join a few Facebook groups. Those can be great fun, and you may find you have more in common with the members than with just random "friends."

 

[Frostee]

Why should I stop posting? Because people ostracise me?

I want to know why my cousin gets 60+ likes, whilst my photos are ignored time and time again.

 

[GadAbout]

I told you why, and you didn't want to hear my answer. So I have nothing further to add.

 

[Frostee]

No?? That doesn’t explain why my cousin gets 60+ likes

 

[grimmy]

What's your cousins social life like?

 

[Frostee]

He seems quite Introverted to me.

 

[Judge]

I want to know why my cousin gets 60+ likes, whilst my photos are ignored time and time again.

Let's start there- with your cousin. Try to logically deduce the simplest and most obvious considerations:

1) How good a photographer is he relatively in terms of technique and composition?
2) How well (if at all) does he know the people that give him likes? If he interacts with them, such familiarity can potentially go a long way.
3) Does he do anything else you may or may not be aware of in publicizing that which he uploads? Do you?

If he's technically and artistically a better photographer, weigh that against your own photos. If not, consider whatever relationship he may have with those who follow his postings. And consider whatever he might do in terms of marketing himself online, even if only for fun or personal amusement.

Otherwise just because people upload material is never any guarantee that people will see them and choose to comment on them. Sometimes such a process can reflect a lot of social footwork that may or may not be evident. Other times success may simply be a matter of blind luck.

And for all those "likes" he's getting, do you know anything about the persons posting them?

1. He has lots of real friends, and any number of them are honest acquaintances, online or offline.
2. Virtually all of them are either complete strangers or online acquaintances only.

Social media is often a murky mix of truth, falsehoods and reliance on assumptions. Especially in terms of gauging one's real popularity. It never fails to amaze me on shows like MTV's "Catfish" how dishonest online presence can be in whole or in part. And how easily so many people want to believe everything posted to be true.

In the long run it may be advantageous for you not to bother about such things that you cannot identify and may be beyond your control on any number of levels. I'm just grateful that as an elderly person I have neither the need or the desire to participate in such a thing that more often than not can be toxic particularly to those on the spectrum of autism.

Facebook and other such venues strike me as Neurotypical playgrounds to access only at your own peril. I know in my own case I've had some pretty ugly experiences in "being myself" online. Thankfully here isn't one of them.

 

[grimmy]

I for one hate the insta FB culture and ignore it I haven't posted on either in around 2 years just filled with people showing me they had Thai green curry for tea, it's some of the most tedious stuff ever in my opinion, it's a shame that you're not enjoying yourself there though it comes as little surprise, I'm amazed anyone has fun there it's baffling to me, but my reaction to it is to just let it go.

 

[RedOrangeYellow]

What about your own activity? Do you regularly like other people's photos? Comment on their status? If you're not doing that then that could be part of your answer. If you are expecting people to come to you but you're not going to them so to speak it won't work. Your cousin probably has a high number of interactions with people so they remember that and then like his pics. Also, if you're posting a lot it can be annoying and maybe people put you on mute.

 

[RMX07]

Personally, I derive very little meaning from activity within ‘generalised’ social networks such as regular posts on Facebook, and have stopped participating in them for the most part (some of that is for other reasons such as overwhelm, but that’s for another thread).

However, I’m still fairly active on social media in other ways. What I do is contribute (both read/view and post) within specialised social networks around my special interests. For example—and as others have mentioned—I’m a member of a few Facebook groups for each of my interests. Another one is Instagram communities around particular interests or topics, some with their own hashtag. When I post in these communities, my posts get a lot more views/likes/comments/whatever, since they’re being viewed by people who are actually interested, and I will be much more active within that community since I also want to view other people’s posts for the same reason: I’m actually interested in what others have to say or to show.

I apply this reasoning to other aspects of my life outside of the internet, too, and it has served me well so far. It’s so much easier to engage with others over a shared interest than in a general way just because someone is a friend. The idea of being socially obligated to ‘like’ something just because your friend posted it is nonsensical to me.

In general, I've found that photos with people in them get more likes. That's not to say that they're better photos than ones without people, but especially if you "tag" the other people in the photo, then it's shown to a wider audience and can get more likes that way.

I believe this is also a big contributing factor in your case, @Frostee. A lot of social culture is very much about “here’s a photo of me doing this activity with these people at this place” and if your photos are not of yourself or other people, I’ve found most people aren’t interested. There’s this innate desire many people (NTs?) have to see what their friends are doing, where they’ve been, what news they have, and to chit-chat or joke around about things that have happened in order to have a ‘catch up’. I think ‘selfie’ culture in the internet age helps to satisfy this desire for many people. I’ve never clicked into it and never really participated, and like you, my travel photos are often of things I find interesting enough to take a photo of, rather than photos of myself. So, instead, I would post them in photography communities where others with similar cameras, photography styles, or interest in the subject of the photos, could comment and otherwise give me tips on lighting and composition to help me become a better photographer, since that’s one of my interests.

I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but I wanted to share the way I view online socialising, because I’ve also been in your position and been frustrated, and it took me a while to figure out this stuff.

 

[Fino]

1. It's related to actual social interactions you've had, the more positive ones you've had with people on more occasions, and you have those people added on on facebook--more likes.

2. Like other people's stuff and they're more likely to like back. I've actually experimented with this. I started liking a lot of different people's things, people I haven't seen in a long time, and some of them started liking my things back.

3. I get the most likes from cute, funny stories about my students and from accomplishments, like graduating or getting into a school. Pictures of me only get a lot of likes if I'm somewhere impressive, if I'm with a lot of people, or if I'm smiling really big and it's actually a quality picture, taken by someone else who is decent at that sort of thing.

 

[shysnail]

I think you've received some good insights from other people, but I will just throw in my two cents.

1. A lot of people don't know about photography. I certainly don't. Rather than liking a photo because it's a 'good' photo, people are more likely to like a photo that is of a subject that they like. For example, a photo of a cute dog is probably going to get more likes than one of a tree, even if the photo of a tree is objectively better than the one of the dog.

2. As has already been said, there's a transactional nature to a lot of social media activity. People are more likely to like stuff from people they've had interactions with, or who regularly like their stuff.

3. Possibly your interests are simply more niche, limiting the pool of people interested in similar things.

While I think it's understandable to get a little jealous, human nature being what it is, it's important to keep it in perspective and remember that even if people do like something on social media, it's in their mind for the second they are pressing the like button, and then instantly forgotten. You could show them the same photo again and they wouldn't even realize they'd seen it before. It's not a very meaningful appreciation of content when people press the like button, so try not to get caught up in it.

 

[Progster]

Most people on Facebook aren't really interested in artistic merit in photos - some genuinely do appreciate a good and interesting photo, but most don't. When I look at my sister's profile, for example, the pictures that get the most likes are the ones with my cute little niece, or those with a cute puppy, ones that have an 'awwwww' factor, or feelgood ones with witty comments and lost of emoticons like hearts and smiley faces. As a couple of people pointed out already, people tend to find pictures with people in them more interesting and take social photos rather than city scenes or architecture. Pictures, and their comments, are basically social ememes - emotional messages passed on through comments or photos or both. Very often (but not always) they have a specific purpose - to gain attention, favour, status, to network, etc - its all part of a game. Perhaps if you added one or two comments, or if you also spend more time on other people's proflles, liking things or writing one or two comments, it will then attract more people to your profile and you might get more 'likes'

But personally, although I have a Facebook account, I don't pay much attention either to my own profile or to those of other people. Occasionally I post a YouTube video, but that's about it. People rarely like those, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest, because I post for me, not for them. Much of what I see and read on profiles on Facebook is superficial junk and of no interest to me. I like my interactions with others to be interesting and meaningful. As @Judge says, joining a group might be a better way to interact with people as there are groups on a diverse range of topics and there are often more in-depth and interesting discussions in those.

 

[All-Rounder]

I think people are bored of London nowadays. They want to see objects, color, fun discoveries, tacky bags and pink whales inside sparkly goo. I suspect they get more fired up about things they could obtain rather than the places they are in. Or maybe that's just me. Put me anywhere, it's all similar if it doesn't show something really out of normality, whether good or bad.

 

[Judge]

I think people are bored of London nowadays. They want to see objects, color, fun discoveries, tacky bags and pink whales inside sparkly goo. I suspect they get more fired up about things they could obtain rather than the places they are in. Or maybe that's just me. Put me anywhere, it's all similar if it doesn't show something really out of normality, whether good or bad.

Good point. That the major leaders of social media networks are likely to reflect whatever is trending far more than other sources. For better or worse...