I don't know what's next

[mummifiedcircuitry]

I'm 44. Recently diagnosed as HFA. Got some referrals for treatment for anxiety/depression and CBT. Not sure what life is going to bring. Son is in hs, has developmental delay and also autistic. Supposedly I've underachieved in life. Feeling pressure to achieve something and also ensure son's future without me.

Does anyone else know what this is like?

 

[GadAbout]

Sure.

Take ten slow, deep breaths, while sitting or lying down, with your eyes closed.

You're naturally feeling stressed, but the first thing is to slow down your panicky thought processes and just concentrate on those ten breaths.

 

[mummifiedcircuitry]

I've been meditating and doing breath exercises for 4 years. It only gets you so far. Neuropsych suggested Lexapro and CBT. I'm having a hard time gauging what changes and what stays the same but I guess it will come in time.

 

[Alexej]

I agree with @GadAbout about slowing down.

You have been around this forum a while, so go back to some of the threads about/from newly diagnosed people and reread them. There is a lot of wisdom there.

 

[GadAbout]

Your relatively recent diagnosis is cause for reconsideration of your entire life. This sense of underachievement has to be viewed in terms of struggling with all the challenges of autism. It sounds to me like you've coped adequately all in all.

If you will share more information about your son, we can make better suggestions.

 

[mummifiedcircuitry]

I agree with @GadAbout about slowing down.

You have been around this forum a while, so go back to some of the threads about/from newly diagnosed people and reread them. There is a lot of wisdom there.

I joined a long time ago but didn't really pay much attention until recently.

 

[mummifiedcircuitry]

Your relatively recent diagnosis is cause for reconsideration of your entire life. This sense of underachievement has to be viewed in terms of struggling with all the challenges of autism. It sounds to me like you've coped adequately all in all.

If you will share more information about your son, we can make better suggestions.

My son is going to graduate with a hs diploma but idk if college is something he can manage. He's unable to travel independently. I'm trying to get him into this program for developmentally disabled ppl that would support him for his entire life. Have to figure out how much legal control over his life I should have once he turns 18. Things like that are hard for me to wrap my head around.

 

[GadAbout]

Things like that are hard for me to wrap my head around.

Oooh, me too. It may help you if you identify your role as caregiver (and advocate). Go around to your Aging and Disability Resource Center, identify yourself as caregiver, and explain you need some information to help you with post-high school planning.

They have been very helpful to me in wrapping my head around various programs. One thing that has also helped, is taking the big decisions apart and just tackling one portion at a time. Whether that is touring an adult day care or talking to an elder care attorney, making these big decisions in a stepwise fashion is the only way I could get a purchase on them.

I also have an autistic daughter, and it's a tricky thing but you have to allow your adult child to become more independent, but sometimes step in as a forceful advocate when their needs aren't getting met. Again, it's a step at a time, and if one decision didn't work out, then find a different pathway.

I hope this helps...

As far as the college thing ... your son's ideas should be taken into consideration, but he might be better served by learning a trade or job skill, either in a voc-tech college, or a short career-focused program in a community college.

 

[Autistamatic]

You might find these useful

 

[Wolfnox]

Music and exercise helps.

 

[mummifiedcircuitry]

Music and exercise helps.

That's a fact, if it wasn't for music I wouldn't have figured out how to socialize with ppl. ^__^