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I don't know what my boyfriend meant

Mars26

Mars26

21 years old aspie
Me and my boyfriend know each other since November. We are dating for month and I'm already afraid of losing him. He knows that I have Asperger syndrome and he is cool with it. But sometimes when he talks to me or texts, I don't known if he is joking or he's serious. I know he doesn't hate me since he's dating me, but sometimes I really don't know what to think. Yesterday I had really hard time and he helped me. Today he was really nice too but when I made fun of people who hurt me yesterday he was pissed that I'm still on that. I talked to him, I explained that I am very grateful for his support yesterday and that not everyone understands that I care so much and he
said that "No problem, you're a pain a bit but I can bear it". He joked but I wasn't pleased that the person I'm opening up to says something like that. Am I overreacting and his behavior was fine?
 
Hello. I find this to be a common occurrence. These are things my best friend says sometimes. Also, when someone is not used to dealing with autism, it will take him time to learn to actually love it. At first, it seems people hate it. He might be in the irritated phase but doesn't want to make you sad. However, if he is understanding, then with a little time and much love, he'll warm up I'm sure. If he doesn't, he's not the one.

On the second part, I don't think he would have been pissed. He may have seemed it, but what I've found is it's more irritated because he talked you through it and helped you, it was over, then it got brought up again. My best friend does this too when I bring up hurts of the day before when he has helped me.

I think he just needs time to understand and patience on both of your parts. In my opinion, just ask him outright. As aspies, we are good at questions because we need clarification. So just ask and if he's worth your love, he'll answer.

I hope it helps.
 
A lot of times, anxiety drives people with autism to over-worry, especially about interpersonal experiences. While that is understandable, it can overwhelm a neurotypical partner.

It would do ALL of us some good to lower our emotional temperature.

In pop psychology it is said that you need to talk out your experiences and feelings. That might be okay if you're not autistic, but an autistic can take that too far.

Try doing some slow breathing (count mentally how many seconds you inhale and exhale, and try to slow it a little), and ask yourself frequently: How important is this issue, really?

One of my favorite mottos is:

Rules for coping
1. Don't sweat the small stuff
2. It's all small stuff​
 
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