23andaspie
aspie ordinary
I started this relationship about 2 months ago after meeting [current gf] online. It's long distance but I was interested in experiencing a relationship like that. She strongly self-identifies as Aspergers, though not officially diagnosed. After several experiences and personal reflection on this over some time, I did not feel another relationship with an NT would work for me, so this was favourable when deciding to continue forward with the relationship.
She has certainly has some spectrum tendencies, and when we met in person for a weekend and did some road tripping, there was a lot of comfortable silences while driving [we actually discussed how we like that]. Because of that, and because of her strong self-identification with the spectrum, it didn't come to me until recently why I had a strange sense about that.
She has a lot of difficult emotions from past trauma and attachment issues - she is quite attached, but I self-identify to be on that side of the relationship attachment spectrum (clingy --- secure --- distant) too. She's also has frequent bouts of negativity, and one night I had realized that I was feeling "overwhelmed" was because of the amount of negative content that I experienced when being around her. So, I lightly hinted at how positivity might be helpful for her, referencing how in the past I had noticed that my negativity had seemed to detract others.
"I don't really see how that applies to me. I have a lot of friends, and people like being around me."
That hurts, of course. Because I don't, and I've struggled all my life with social difficulties.
Oh yeah - I realized this was true. In fact, every video call I had with her usually involved her conversing with her room-mates at least part of the time, or mentioning how she had discussed that with her friend, or involving some mainstream movie. On night, after having kept me on our daily "video chat" for much longer than I would have desired, she kept asking me. Have you seen movie x. Have you seen movie y. Of course, my truthful response is no.
"How have you not seen movie z?"
I responded with a quote from the AS description on wikipedia: "restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests". I like horror movies. Me and her watched them together.
"When I move there, we should have a house warming party and invite a bunch of people."
(jokingly) But I'm anti-social!
Suddenly everything made sense. Lately I've been feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. I just can't keep up with that. In my mind, she seemed to lack in my mind the core symptoms of having an autism spectrum disorder. But it's also that trying to keep her emotionally afloat is making me fall apart.
I need help... The thought of breaking up makes me want to cry. To some degree the closeness is comforting, but like anything too much of a good thing can be too much. I'm not sure if this is good for me, and was not what I was looking for. Since it uses pretty much all my social capacity, it's hard for me to keep other social contacts. I'd rather be single with friends than in a relationship with someone whom I'm not able to keep pace with.
Any thoughts insights comments you have are always very welcome and appreciated.
She has certainly has some spectrum tendencies, and when we met in person for a weekend and did some road tripping, there was a lot of comfortable silences while driving [we actually discussed how we like that]. Because of that, and because of her strong self-identification with the spectrum, it didn't come to me until recently why I had a strange sense about that.
She has a lot of difficult emotions from past trauma and attachment issues - she is quite attached, but I self-identify to be on that side of the relationship attachment spectrum (clingy --- secure --- distant) too. She's also has frequent bouts of negativity, and one night I had realized that I was feeling "overwhelmed" was because of the amount of negative content that I experienced when being around her. So, I lightly hinted at how positivity might be helpful for her, referencing how in the past I had noticed that my negativity had seemed to detract others.
"I don't really see how that applies to me. I have a lot of friends, and people like being around me."
That hurts, of course. Because I don't, and I've struggled all my life with social difficulties.
Oh yeah - I realized this was true. In fact, every video call I had with her usually involved her conversing with her room-mates at least part of the time, or mentioning how she had discussed that with her friend, or involving some mainstream movie. On night, after having kept me on our daily "video chat" for much longer than I would have desired, she kept asking me. Have you seen movie x. Have you seen movie y. Of course, my truthful response is no.
"How have you not seen movie z?"
I responded with a quote from the AS description on wikipedia: "restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests". I like horror movies. Me and her watched them together.
"When I move there, we should have a house warming party and invite a bunch of people."
(jokingly) But I'm anti-social!
Suddenly everything made sense. Lately I've been feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. I just can't keep up with that. In my mind, she seemed to lack in my mind the core symptoms of having an autism spectrum disorder. But it's also that trying to keep her emotionally afloat is making me fall apart.
I need help... The thought of breaking up makes me want to cry. To some degree the closeness is comforting, but like anything too much of a good thing can be too much. I'm not sure if this is good for me, and was not what I was looking for. Since it uses pretty much all my social capacity, it's hard for me to keep other social contacts. I'd rather be single with friends than in a relationship with someone whom I'm not able to keep pace with.
Any thoughts insights comments you have are always very welcome and appreciated.