I don´t fit in anywhere

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @neurogirl!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Welcome @neurogirl

 

[Matthias]

Hi, I´m new here!

Welcome to Autism Forums!

so i don´t know where to start this but i have been really confused with my identity lately.

I´m 26, female and i have always been really shy and akward. At 17, I was diagnosed with turner syndrome.

I did a quick search to see what turner syndrome was and found this: "In a groundbreaking study highlighted in the June 2023 issue of Autism Advocate Parenting Magazine, researchers sought to shed light on this intriguing connection. The findings revealed a striking correlation between Turner Syndrome and autistic traits, with an astounding 61% of individuals with Turner Syndrome exhibiting traits associated with autism." Source: Autism Advocate Parenting Magazine website

I never fitted in anywhere and i was bullied throughout middle school and high school. My friends that did it always masked it as: we are just joking. This led me to be very insecure and just not knowing when people were making fun of me because they like me or hate me.

When I was a child, my grandma would always say that she saw the other kids playing while i was talking to myself(which i still do) This was different in my teenage years. I use to have a group of friends which i celebrated every birthday with before they turned on me(it´s been 8 years and you never talked to us)

One thing that I noticed about myself is that I can´t just like stuff in a normal way. I obsess over stuff very easily. I used to watch certain tv shows and movies on repeat until i memorized the dialogue or the music and act them out, pretending that i was a singer(and making actual tour plans).

I had different hyperfixations over the years. This started with my obsession over birth/medicine and going to the library as a little child to read books about it. Later on it was space, buddishm/spirituality and queen/freddie mercury. Now it´s taylor swift and finding out every single detail about her. After my eras tour concert I used to rewatch concert vlogs and concert videos. I was rewatching her performance of cruel summer constantly, listening to her music only while having maladaptive daydreams about them or pacing around my room. I obsess over a song or a playlist, the way something is sung or the melody and I have to relisten to it like a thousand times.

I´ve recently been on vacation with my uncle and his girlfriend. she was making several comments about how it wasn´t normal to be this quiet and i should start drinking more etc, asking me if i have friends and even talk to them.

I also only listen to music in the dark. It calms me. It almost feels like I can´t listen to music when it´s light outside.

As a child, I used to close my ears when an ambulance drove by because it scared me.

I´m also a picky eater. I eat the same thing almost every day and I´m very sensitive. I feel like I don´t fit in anywhere and I´m just an alien.

I don´t know if i could be on the spectrum but i´m definitely not normal. I also have a feeling that i just seem off, no matter how much I try in social situations.

These are definitely autistic traits common in those of us who are autistic. I personally don't think there is much difference between autistic traits versus mild autism.

 

[arithmetic]

I just read the Wikipedia entry for Turner Syndrome. Thank you @neurogirl for letting us know what is happening for you.
I hope you have a friend you can spend time with in the Real, but if not (like me) you might at least feel that on some level you fit in with some of the people you'll find on this site.
I've only been using the forum a few weeks, and it has helped.
<3

 

[Matthias]

Agree. The therapist is the pastor's old-time friend who has known her family since she was born.

They all know each other; they are a small-sized congregation center in Midtown Manhattan.

It was several therapists, parents whom I still have to endure, and flaky former friends who would abandon or gatekeep me any chance they could that made me get to this place.

I think many people underestimate the role that social isolation plays in mental health. People who have always had good relationships with family and friends don't know what it's like to be alone because they've never experienced it. I find it annoying when people act like mental health problems are entirely caused by the way a person thinks.

As far as therapy, I remember you posting that you've used ChatGPT. While I think ChatGPT is probably the best AI overall, I think Google's Gemini is much better when it comes to mental health. It understands and responds noticeably better to mental and emotional health questions I've asked it compared to ChatGPT. It also uses more natural language, which makes it feel like I'm talking to a real person. If you haven't used Gemini recently (since Gemini 3 came out a month or two ago, which is much better than Gemini 2.5 Flash), I recommend you check it out. If you already have a Google account (such as Gmail or Youtube), you can sign in with that account at gemini.google.com or use it without signing in if you just want to try it or don't care about saving your chats.