I don´t fit in anywhere

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @neurogirl!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Welcome @neurogirl

 

[Matthias]

Hi, I´m new here!

Welcome to Autism Forums!

so i don´t know where to start this but i have been really confused with my identity lately.

I´m 26, female and i have always been really shy and akward. At 17, I was diagnosed with turner syndrome.

I did a quick search to see what turner syndrome was and found this: "In a groundbreaking study highlighted in the June 2023 issue of Autism Advocate Parenting Magazine, researchers sought to shed light on this intriguing connection. The findings revealed a striking correlation between Turner Syndrome and autistic traits, with an astounding 61% of individuals with Turner Syndrome exhibiting traits associated with autism." Source: Autism Advocate Parenting Magazine website

I never fitted in anywhere and i was bullied throughout middle school and high school. My friends that did it always masked it as: we are just joking. This led me to be very insecure and just not knowing when people were making fun of me because they like me or hate me.

When I was a child, my grandma would always say that she saw the other kids playing while i was talking to myself(which i still do) This was different in my teenage years. I use to have a group of friends which i celebrated every birthday with before they turned on me(it´s been 8 years and you never talked to us)

One thing that I noticed about myself is that I can´t just like stuff in a normal way. I obsess over stuff very easily. I used to watch certain tv shows and movies on repeat until i memorized the dialogue or the music and act them out, pretending that i was a singer(and making actual tour plans).

I had different hyperfixations over the years. This started with my obsession over birth/medicine and going to the library as a little child to read books about it. Later on it was space, buddishm/spirituality and queen/freddie mercury. Now it´s taylor swift and finding out every single detail about her. After my eras tour concert I used to rewatch concert vlogs and concert videos. I was rewatching her performance of cruel summer constantly, listening to her music only while having maladaptive daydreams about them or pacing around my room. I obsess over a song or a playlist, the way something is sung or the melody and I have to relisten to it like a thousand times.

I´ve recently been on vacation with my uncle and his girlfriend. she was making several comments about how it wasn´t normal to be this quiet and i should start drinking more etc, asking me if i have friends and even talk to them.

I also only listen to music in the dark. It calms me. It almost feels like I can´t listen to music when it´s light outside.

As a child, I used to close my ears when an ambulance drove by because it scared me.

I´m also a picky eater. I eat the same thing almost every day and I´m very sensitive. I feel like I don´t fit in anywhere and I´m just an alien.

I don´t know if i could be on the spectrum but i´m definitely not normal. I also have a feeling that i just seem off, no matter how much I try in social situations.

These are definitely autistic traits common in those of us who are autistic. I personally don't think there is much difference between autistic traits versus mild autism.