I don´t fit in anywhere

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @neurogirl!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Welcome @neurogirl

 

[Matthias]

Hi, I´m new here!

Welcome to Autism Forums!

so i don´t know where to start this but i have been really confused with my identity lately.

I´m 26, female and i have always been really shy and akward. At 17, I was diagnosed with turner syndrome.

I did a quick search to see what turner syndrome was and found this: "In a groundbreaking study highlighted in the June 2023 issue of Autism Advocate Parenting Magazine, researchers sought to shed light on this intriguing connection. The findings revealed a striking correlation between Turner Syndrome and autistic traits, with an astounding 61% of individuals with Turner Syndrome exhibiting traits associated with autism." Source: Autism Advocate Parenting Magazine website

I never fitted in anywhere and i was bullied throughout middle school and high school. My friends that did it always masked it as: we are just joking. This led me to be very insecure and just not knowing when people were making fun of me because they like me or hate me.

When I was a child, my grandma would always say that she saw the other kids playing while i was talking to myself(which i still do) This was different in my teenage years. I use to have a group of friends which i celebrated every birthday with before they turned on me(it´s been 8 years and you never talked to us)

One thing that I noticed about myself is that I can´t just like stuff in a normal way. I obsess over stuff very easily. I used to watch certain tv shows and movies on repeat until i memorized the dialogue or the music and act them out, pretending that i was a singer(and making actual tour plans).

I had different hyperfixations over the years. This started with my obsession over birth/medicine and going to the library as a little child to read books about it. Later on it was space, buddishm/spirituality and queen/freddie mercury. Now it´s taylor swift and finding out every single detail about her. After my eras tour concert I used to rewatch concert vlogs and concert videos. I was rewatching her performance of cruel summer constantly, listening to her music only while having maladaptive daydreams about them or pacing around my room. I obsess over a song or a playlist, the way something is sung or the melody and I have to relisten to it like a thousand times.

I´ve recently been on vacation with my uncle and his girlfriend. she was making several comments about how it wasn´t normal to be this quiet and i should start drinking more etc, asking me if i have friends and even talk to them.

I also only listen to music in the dark. It calms me. It almost feels like I can´t listen to music when it´s light outside.

As a child, I used to close my ears when an ambulance drove by because it scared me.

I´m also a picky eater. I eat the same thing almost every day and I´m very sensitive. I feel like I don´t fit in anywhere and I´m just an alien.

I don´t know if i could be on the spectrum but i´m definitely not normal. I also have a feeling that i just seem off, no matter how much I try in social situations.

These are definitely autistic traits common in those of us who are autistic. I personally don't think there is much difference between autistic traits versus mild autism.

 

[arithmetic]

I just read the Wikipedia entry for Turner Syndrome. Thank you @neurogirl for letting us know what is happening for you.
I hope you have a friend you can spend time with in the Real, but if not (like me) you might at least feel that on some level you fit in with some of the people you'll find on this site.
I've only been using the forum a few weeks, and it has helped.
<3

 

[Matthias]

Agree. The therapist is the pastor's old-time friend who has known her family since she was born.

They all know each other; they are a small-sized congregation center in Midtown Manhattan.

It was several therapists, parents whom I still have to endure, and flaky former friends who would abandon or gatekeep me any chance they could that made me get to this place.

I think many people underestimate the role that social isolation plays in mental health. People who have always had good relationships with family and friends don't know what it's like to be alone because they've never experienced it. I find it annoying when people act like mental health problems are entirely caused by the way a person thinks.

As far as therapy, I remember you posting that you've used ChatGPT. While I think ChatGPT is probably the best AI overall, I think Google's Gemini is much better when it comes to mental health. It understands and responds noticeably better to mental and emotional health questions I've asked it compared to ChatGPT. It also uses more natural language, which makes it feel like I'm talking to a real person. If you haven't used Gemini recently (since Gemini 3 came out a month or two ago, which is much better than Gemini 2.5 Flash), I recommend you check it out. If you already have a Google account (such as Gmail or Youtube), you can sign in with that account at gemini.google.com or use it without signing in if you just want to try it or don't care about saving your chats.

 

[Aspychata]

Welcome, great to meet you. Yes, eating the same food, over-analysis everything, not trusting people in general.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I think many people underestimate the role that social isolation plays in mental health. People who have always had good relationships with family and friends don't know what it's like to be alone because they've never experienced it. I find it annoying when people act like mental health problems are entirely caused by the way a person thinks.

As far as therapy, I remember you posting that you've used ChatGPT. While I think ChatGPT is probably the best AI overall, I think Google's Gemini is much better when it comes to mental health. It understands and responds noticeably better to mental and emotional health questions I've asked it compared to ChatGPT. It also uses more natural language, which makes it feel like I'm talking to a real person. If you haven't used Gemini recently (since Gemini 3 came out a month or two ago, which is much better than Gemini 2.5 Flash), I recommend you check it out. If you already have a Google account (such as Gmail or Youtube), you can sign in with that account at gemini.google.com or use it without signing in if you just want to try it or don't care about saving your chats.

I switched over to Gemini last summer since I found the center in Manhattan. I agree ChatGPT is an overrated piece of garbage.

I was even paying for a Gemini Pro for a while, but it was a waste of money. I was actually using the promotional rate, but really all I needed it for was for the extra storage, but since I was getting the two terabytes anyway for my Google Drive, I didn't need it anymore when the promotional rate ended.

So now basically the free version is working fine, and it's still good, so I don't actually need to pay extra for the pro version as long as I have my two terabytes of storage.

 

[JayCee]

Agrees with Captain Caveman ! and investing alittle time to get a diagnosis can pay off later or maybe even just alittle extra understanding about your life , maybe? Can relate very much to what many have written in this thread .

 

[Cyber]

I'm also new to this forum, but speaking from experience, being neurodivergent basically means not really fitting in anywhere. I may get in trouble for saying this but "high functioning" neurodivergent people are actually more different from each other than we are from neurotypical folks. A simple observation is normies (at least) make an effort to accommodate the differences we have, most of us are more likely to have normie friends, family or partners > neurodivergent ones.

why? being neurodivergent we all mask and experience burnout trying to fit in with normies to survive. It leaves little in the gas-tank to accommodate others who are divergent.

If I am being honest this makes us an army or tribe of one. And yes! each of us are resident aliens on this planet.

 

[arithmetic]

I'm also new to this forum, but speaking from experience, being neurodivergent basically means not really fitting in anywhere. I may get in trouble for saying this but "high functioning" neurodivergent people are actually more different from each other than we are from neurotypical folks. A simple observation is normies (at least) make an effort to accommodate the differences we have, most of us are more likely to have normie friends, family or partners > neurodivergent ones.

why? being neurodivergent we all mask and experience burnout trying to fit in with normies to survive. It leaves little in the gas-tank to accommodate others who are divergent.

If I am being honest this makes us an army or tribe of one. And yes! each of us are resident aliens on this planet.

Hi people
Answering the quotation: "Yes, but no."
I'm not very sure that here are n fact any normies, because there is in fact no normality which anybody could match.
We on this forum know ourselves to be neurodivergent because neurodivergence has been studied. Neurodivergence is studied because it causes disharmony and grief within wider society.
I think that other syndromes must exist which are helpful rather than troubling. Such syndromes have received very little attention; although we know that super-doers of all kinds exist we somehow lump them in with "normies".

Dividing society into normal and non-normal people might seem possible, but is it helpful? Aren't there better, more useful ways to perceive the world? I think that there are. (I admit that I'm rather looking for a revolution in people's thinking.)

I'm sick of division - we're all different - so what? I'd like to meet people pursuing an ambition to live innocent lives, taking their joy in one another's happiness. Forget the money, the same for everything that greed wants.

Our bodies are built on the same pattern; we can help one another with the tasks and needs of our lives; why would we all want to be the same anyway? Let's just do our best to become happy.

 

[velociraptor]

being neurodivergent basically means not really fitting in anywhere

I can fit in wherever I decide I want to. Being neurodivergent means I come at it differently than neurotypicals do. Different does not always mean less capable.

 

[Cyber]

Agree with the above posts (and normies are annoying and can be evil bullies) but that's my point. we are all different. each one of us, normie or non-normie.

 

[velociraptor]

and can be evil bullies

So can people with autism. The incel crowd here is disgusting.

 

[Judge]

It's why I see being able to mask one's traits and behaviors to avoid ridicule or ostracism as a success, rather than dwell on it as a form of deception. I don't care what it's called if it keeps the peace between one who is neurodiverse, versus those who are overwhelmingly neurotypical.

Does it signal that somehow I miraculously "fit in" ? - No.

However sometimes "peaceful coexistence" is the best we can hope for.

 

[JayCee]

Sick and tired of being targeted , And some of ,what appears to be normie types /
supposably Autistic seem to everyso often be on this site . but must admit overall
the folks here seem to be a "good lot" here, however you wish to classify them.

 

[Cyber]

It's why I see being able to mask one's traits and behaviors to avoid ridicule or ostracism as a success, rather than dwell on it as a form of deception. I don't care what it's called if it keeps the peace between one who is neurodiverse, versus those who are overwhelmingly neurotypical.

Does it signal that somehow I miraculously "fit in" ? - No.

However sometimes "peaceful coexistence" is the best we can hope for.

It's important to acknowledge everyone wears a mask. But conforming doesn't mean we succeed in fitting in. And yes. neurodivergence can mean acceptance but we "ain't" never going to be the "in-crowd". I sometimes think of the metaphor of the garden. we are unique plants (maybe a little strange) and conforming to the garden mosaic means we are at least grow in our own little plots and not wanting to stand out in case the gardener considers us too strange or a burden and sees us as weeds (I know many normies think strangeness and not contributing makes us societies' weeds but we were never going to fit in with them anyway) .

 

[Cyber]

Sick and tired of being targeted , And some of ,what appears to be normie types /
supposably Autistic seem to everyso often be on this site . but must admit overall
the folks here seem to be a "good lot" here, however you wish to classify them.

It's a conundrum isn't it. I get targeted by co-workers, sometimes because I am an easy target, I'm abrasive, or speak out of turn or go off topic. I'm coming to terms with always being an outsider. If that's who I am I accept I will never fit in. I hope the OP understands and comes to terms with their situation and becomes comfortable in their own skin.