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I confessed my feelings

Because this is going to take a while to respond to everybody xD:

Thank you SO much to everyone who responded. This helped a lot. Extremely informative and eye opening. It made me put myself in his shoes for a moment. I definitely will be patient with him, and make sure to give him all the space he needs.

I'll also make sure to check up on him, too, and be supportive and reassuring! :openmouth:

Thank you again. This means a lot. I'll let you guys know if there is any updates. :blush:
 
Hi Jane. I'm Mike. It seems too me that John is not ready for a r'ship with you and on the romance end,you should just cut your losses. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but as somenon who's ben dumped a lot you get an intuitive feel for the moments when you should jst fold your hand.
 
Okay, so he responded to my e-mail, but didn't answer my question. Instead he asked how I was doing. xD. Hahahah

I am going to respond using some of the advice you guys gave me. Definitely going to give him a reminder and be as specific as possible with my feelings.

I have a feeling he is still just thinking. Or avoiding it. Probably avoiding it. xD But we'll see! Hahahaha! Fingers, crossed, guys!! Ahhhhh! xD
 
Jane Smith said:
I guess my question is....why? Why does it take a while?
Click to expand...

The aspie brain works in an unusual way. We take in a LOT of information, allow it to settle and for patterns to appear. We then develop firm opinions based on those patterns. We rarely change our opinion, and only really reassess if the data changes. At which point we need to start the processing process again.

For example, when shopping I look at all the shops, in all towns, and every site online. I then think about it and then choose. I rarely make a mistake because I have taken every fact into consideration. If we do make mistakes it is because we missed a data point or failed to incorporate ridiculous and irrational human emotions into the equations.

Make sense?
 
Jane Smith said:
Okay, so he responded to my e-mail, but didn't answer my question. Instead he asked how I was doing....I have a feeling he is still just thinking...
Click to expand...

Whenever I've emailed or texted specific emotion-related inquiries to my aspie bf (our preferred method of communication for such things) we set up a time frame for when he will get back to me with an answer. He is solely in charge of deciding what that should be because neither one of us wants him to feel stressed about it and he's the only one who can really know how much time he'll need.

This is a very important and helpful component of the whole thing for us because as I have explained to him, i don't care how long of a time period he gives himself to answer, whatever he decides is honestly truly fine, but i DO need to at least know how long it's going to be or else my emotional NT brain will go crazy with wondering and worrying when it's going to happen, which inevitably bleeds through to our interactions and causes needless tension and stress for both of us. The trick is, this plan only works if you are really ok leaving the time frame totally up to him and are content to wait. For me, i feel immediately relieved and at ease as soon as i know what time frame I'm looking at, even if it's months away, because i know he'll always honor it. For him, he feels relieved and like he's in control of an otherwise potentially uncomfortable or stressful situation because he knows I truly am 100% fine with him deciding the timetable and content to wait as long as i know how long it'll be, so it takes the pressure off all the way around.

SO.... Depending on whether or not you think you're like me and would be fine with waiting on his timetable and whether you think he would be OK to give you one and really honor it, it might not be the worst idea in the world to say something like "hey, i know my email asked a big question and I honestly want you to take however much time you need to answer it. That said, it would save me a lot of wondering and confusion and stress if you could give me a general time frame for how long you think it will be. Then my brain can relax and not worry about it."

Obviously this is just one idea and what works for us isn't going to work for everyone, but this approach has been super helpful in our relationship so I thought I'd throw it out there!
 
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Guys, he said yes!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me again!!!! I am so happy I could faint!!

It just took him a long time to respond because he has family members and friends visiting. xD Haha! Oh my god! I am so overwhelmed. Thank you again!! Couldn't get through it without all of your wisdom. :)
 
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