I can't feel love for people!

[Aspychata]

Ugh, I wish I felt less, you're kinda better off if you dont feel too much.

I was just thinking this. I don't know what l feel about Love. But l know when l try to say goodbye- to Mr Who, l have major crying jags. So maybe this is intense feelings? I thought l married for love but now l question what our marriage was.

 

[Judge]

I was just thinking this. I don't know what l feel about Love. But l know when l try to say goodbye- to Mr Who, l have major crying jags. So maybe this is intense feelings? I thought l married for love but now l question what our marriage was.

Perhaps you are mourning for the loss of an emotional investment. Not "Mr. Who" per se, but rather your marriage itself. I'm inclined to think that we can separate one from another in this context. I would. Though I don't think that inadvertently makes me a bad person, either.

 

[Aspychata]

Perhaps you are mourning for the loss of an emotional investment. Not "Mr. Who" per se, but rather your marriage itself. I'm inclined to think that we can separate one from another in this context. I would. Though I don't think that inadvertently makes me a bad person, either.

Excellent deduction. Also l cry because l get super sad about not seeing this new one. Like they have a minicomputer installed in my mainframe, and l can't remove the module on my motherboard. For my ex- that module is deactivated and it just reads error msg 404 if l click on it.

 

[Rasputin]

I'll keep this short; aside from my relationship with my mother and brother, I don't know if or when I've felt "love" towards someone.
I've had dating relationships in the past, and they all ended very nicely, no one was mad at the end. But I think that's because I don't know how to feel or care for the other person.
Is this an Asperger's trait? What causes it? I'm in my 30's and was diagnosed in my 20's, and I'm a woman.
I just don't know if I've ever felt anything for anyone, and I've known a lot of nice guys and nice people. I'm getting concerned because I want to get married, but I don't know what's going on! And I've met another great guy!
How does one become emotionally invested?
Thank you.

I have some difficulty in this area also, but not to the degree you have described. For me, loyalty is essential. When my wife and I were dating I became ill and was hospitalized. She stayed by my side constantly and was deeply concerned. Doctors did not know what the problem was and she could have just walked. She didn't, and displayed more loyalty to me than anyone had ever displayed towards me. This opened up other emotions which ultimately led to me falling in love. We have been married 28 years, during which time I have made several other friends. In each case there was unquestioned loyalty, and I would do anything for any one of them if they were in need. The other person has to be authentic, not phoney, and trustworthy. Maybe give these guys a chance to prove they have the characteristics you value most. That's all I can suggest.

 

[unperson]

I was just thinking this. I don't know what l feel about Love. But l know when l try to say goodbye- to Mr Who, l have major crying jags. So maybe this is intense feelings? I thought l married for love but now l question what our marriage was.

I don't want intense situations in my life these days. Too wearying.

 

[Moonhart44]

I relate to this. My mom actually senses this from me. Even though I am very loyal to my family and people close to me, i rarely feel the feeling of love that apparently others feel. i also read that people on the spectrum can have trouble identifying emotions thyere feeling. it stresses me out that i am that cold or non-passionate. i am not antisocial, because i experience great guilt when doing wrong. i have felt a certain feeling with my partners that i feel is love, but it is very rare. very fleeting.

 

[risootser]

For me this seems to be like I do not let my feelings take over. It is really what I said here: an issue with feelings not really with emotions. My feelings tell me that I should invest but my head and emotions tell me to not go there as far as personal love is at stake. I really do get riled about this emotionally. I'm afraid of love or I do not deserve love or something along those lines. Love is scary. Maybe it is because I do not know what to do with love. Hence I usually let people take advantage over me and I pretty much let it happen and I do not ask anything back. I do not really give in to coercion but in terms of keeping atmosphere pleasant I can do a lot. There are actually people who like me due to this and I mean it like having a respect.

 

[Aspychata]

For me this seems to be like I do not let my feelings take over. It is really what I said here: an issue with feelings not really with emotions. My feelings tell me that I should invest but my head and emotions tell me to not go there as far as personal love is at stake. I really do get riled about this emotionally. I'm afraid of love or I do not deserve love or something along those lines. Love is scary. Maybe it is because I do not know what to do with love. Hence I usually let people take advantage over me and I pretty much let it happen and I do not ask anything back. I do not really give in to coercion but in terms of keeping atmosphere pleasant I can do a lot. There are actually people who like me due to this and I mean it like having a respect.

I think love is scary. I realize now because it means we are emotionally vulnerable. Love is stressful because communication has to flow between two individuals And l feel guilty if l get that wrong sometimes. But l think you just enjoy and let it flow and maybe both grow. To trust and grow is a sign of maturity but it's still scary. l think you only do what you want to do with it. It's not love if you feel pressured to do something. It's freestyle to me. Two minds that decide what their definition is, not society.

 

[Ezra]

I consider that the love I feel for those I love the most is pretty shallow.

 

[Moonhart44]

I think love is scary. I realize now because it means we are emotionally vulnerable. Love is stressful because communication has to flow between two individuals And l feel guilty if l get that wrong sometimes. But l think you just enjoy and let it flow and maybe both grow. To trust and grow is a sign of maturity but it's still scary. l think you only do what you want to do with it. It's not love if you feel pressured to do something. It's freestyle to me. Two minds that decide what their definition is, not society.

yeh im definintely afraid to admit to people that i love them or maybe even to myself. I agree that i can only love in my own way, but now im realizing that my own way. is unusual. i mean i knew this but i didnt think i was that unusual until recently. even if i am feeling those feelings, i am very sensitive to rejection so if i feel its not being reciprocated or shoved off, my vulnerable gesuter of love (platonic or otherwise), then i withdraw and show less.
i wish relationship building was more like sims. more cut and dry like that haha

 

[Aspychata]

yeh im definintely afraid to admit to people that i love them or maybe even to myself. I agree that i can only love in my own way, but now im realizing that my own way. is unusual. i mean i knew this but i didnt think i was that unusual until recently. even if i am feeling those feelings, i am very sensitive to rejection so if i feel its not being reciprocated or shoved off, my vulnerable gesuter of love (platonic or otherwise), then i withdraw and show less.
i wish relationship building was more like sims. more cut and dry like that haha

True - Sims can be themselves. My daughter who was on the spectrum love the Sims. She was wrapped up at age 9 in her Sims. Yes, l agree with that. How do we show love? It's a stumbling block because all our obsessive qualities can suddenly become our calling card as we think we are demonstrative of *love*.

 

[Aspychata]

yeh im definintely afraid to admit to people that i love them or maybe even to myself. I agree that i can only love in my own way, but now im realizing that my own way. is unusual. i mean i knew this but i didnt think i was that unusual until recently. even if i am feeling those feelings, i am very sensitive to rejection so if i feel its not being reciprocated or shoved off, my vulnerable gesuter of love (platonic or otherwise), then i withdraw and show less.
i wish relationship building was more like sims. more cut and dry like that haha

True - Sims can be themselves. My daughter who was on the spectrum love the Sims. She was wrapped up at age 9 in her Sims. Yes, l agree with that. How do we show love? It's a stumbling block because all our obsessive qualities can suddenly become our calling card as we think we are demonstrative of *love*.

 

[SDRSpark]

We're very much capable of loving but we might have trouble showing or expressing it. In my case, I have trouble with sympathy when it comes to my parents and it makes me come off as a jerk because I'm very bad at expressing it; instead of being supportive I end up throwing a temper tantrum, and it makes the parent (or anyone else) think that I'm actually blaming them - when in reality I blame, well, reality.

Huh. This resonates with me (and is something I've been trying to articulate to myself and others for months - the general concept was there in my mind in some nebulous way but I just couldn't nail it down.)

I feel like a jerk (and probably, look like a jerk) because when people are upset and especially when I can't relate, it makes me super uncomfortable - I feel like I'm supposed to play a role but I don't know my lines. I just want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible (to a much lesser degree when it's one of the few people I care about and am close to - but even then sometimes it's a real challenge.)

 

[SDRSpark]

Love for me is a weird one. I don't think I feel it in the typical way...I never felt that automatic connection to family members, for instance, that I'm pretty sure most people do. It always baffled me and I always felt kind of...wrong...because I didn't feel it. At least, I don't think I did. Not the way it seems like everyone else did.

When it comes to romantic love, I don't know if I'm capable of it or not. I am capable of incredibly deep platonic feelings (and I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person. I'm either one of those friends that generally likes you, but wouldn't miss you if you vanished tomorrow, or I'm fiercely loyal and devoted, there is very little in between.) but for me the line between platonic and romantic is kind of blurry and I have no idea how to tell if what I'm feeling is romantic or not. Which has really screwed my head up in the past...at one point I was accused of having romantic feelings for someone and to this day I don't really know if it was true or not. Maybe I'm just in denial. I don't know.

 

[Judge]

True - Sims can be themselves. My daughter who was on the spectrum love the Sims. She was wrapped up at age 9 in her Sims.

Playing "the Sims" can really expose my autism. Where I eschew all interest in the characters and focus only on creatively building and furnishing their homes. No joke. LOL. I guess Windows 10 solved that problem. Never bothered to try to load "The Sims 3" onto that ornery OS.

How do we show love? It's a stumbling block because all our obsessive qualities can suddenly become our calling card as we think we are demonstrative of *love*.

How true. This cost me everything with the one person who I considered to be "the love of my life". Something that has continued to haunt me decades later. One of those "life lessons".

We might be able to feel it, but much like empathy we may have difficulty projecting the right words and sentiment at the right time. It can be maddening, and worst of all quite costly.

 

[risootser]

The funny thing is that when a person is flat out friendly with everyone and can make things smooth I feel comfort in socializing with others. It becomes interesting and not worrisome venture of reading everything between lines.

 

[SusAssasins]

I will go with @1564

I don't know if it's true but I have read an article about aspergers that said "People with aspergers tend to unnotice their feelings unless the feeling is super strong".
I don't know if I'm aspie or not but I certanly have that. I cannot notice my smaller feelings until they become huge. Sometimes I get very grumpy for no reason, but after that I realise it was because of something I didn't notice was making me unhappy.

I will advise you not to marry anyone that you are not absolutely sure you love with all your hearth. If you do that it will make not only you unhappy but the other person too.

I don't know myself if I love, I know I can get crushes for sure, they are easy to spot (for me those are strong feelings because they are not complex). But love? it's such a complex feeling, means you don't have a crush (because you already have him/her), but since you already have it there nothing considerable noticeable (unless you were a sad person and now you are pretty happy with them), loves involves growth as a person but somehow let's you be childish, and most importantly be yourself and being accepted fully as you are. I thinks that's the best way I can describe it (but must be on both ways)

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe l feel extreme loyalty to the one l care about. Because most of the time l feel safe. At this point in time, l don't feel safe sleeping at anyone's house. It's due to the traumatic time l went thru with my ex. He was taking stuff out of my purse at night. Then l went thru my personal space being infringed upon when l went to sleep so now l have less feelings and struggle and do best just staying alone at nite. So love has been replaced with distrust.

 

[hatfullofrain]

I've thought that I was in love. I've had strong feelings for men I've known. I've enjoyed their company, wanted to spend more time with them, really liked them, really wanted them to be happy, been sad for them when they are sad.

But it's never reciprocated, so I don't understand what a loving relationship is.

I just can't connect with anyone and I don't know why. I try. I talk to them. I invite them places. But there's never anything built up. Nothing grows. It's like there's a glass wall between me and them.

It's like I'm working on trying to build a relationship and all my efforts bounce of the glass wall.

This is what being in love feels like to me... Though I've never actually been loved back. I guess I like be being in love and feeling I'm loved back before I realise that he didn't really care

 

[hatfullofrain]

The funny thing is that when a person is flat out friendly with everyone and can make things smooth I feel comfort in socializing with others. It becomes interesting and not worrisome venture of reading everything between lines.

Yes, but you never know if those types are interested in you or if they're just being their nice self, which adds a layer of stress if you fancy them.

The amount of people online be who moan about folk taking it the wrong way when they were "just being nice" or "just being a friend" really puts me off making a move.