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I am Venkat from India, a self-diagnosed Autistic


Well-Known Member
Hi Shevek,

I agree with you - self-knowledge is better than a diagnosis. Because I have experienced it.

3 years back, even after realizing that I was having many Autistic traits, I was in so deep a clutter internally, that I could not figure out the total big picture of inner me.
So, in the hope that a diagnosis will help me put all the pieces together, I went to a psychologist, and tried to explain my situation to him.
And, after 4 sessions, I was given a diagnosis of schizotypal personality disorder.
But, I could not accept it. So, I stopped continuing the sessions.
Because the diagnosis did not portray all that I was suffering. And the psychologist did not delve deeper into my issues.
I started reflecting deep into my self, talking to myself through my issues, my behaviors, observing myself, seeing myself objectively. Slowly, by God's grace, I came closer to seeing the full picture of my inner me.
[I am Not Religious person. When I say God, I refer to a Force that is beyond me, and observes me always, and guides me as and when needed.]
As I come closer to knowing myself, still I need an external validation of what I am, and what scars I have from my inner wounds in the past (because they still impact my present everyday life).
Because of my parents' total misattunement to me, my internal reality is completely out of sync with my external reality.
To integrate my internal and external realities, I am choosing to go for a diagnosis.
And, from the last diagnosis experience, I realize that I will have to keep persisting in my attempts to get a proper diagnosis, and be more assertive (now I have some clarity on what I am, unlike the last time).
Hope I have aswered your question for "where I am stuck".
Regarding my skills and interests, I will post in another reply.
It sounds as if you have made the diagnosis, but are shopping for an official stamp on it.

In my opinion psychatrists are not usually very bright, but they are not allowed to say "I don't know" even though they are generally baffled by someone with two or more of the recognized conditions. It seems to me the list of possible diagnoses keeps changing, becoming almost unrecognizable after several generations.
Everybody "needs" a good connection with their parents, but some parents don't connect with anyone. I got my best parenting from outside my family.

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