I am the ultimate useless eater.

[oregano]

I just googled the name of my high school class valedictorian (hint: not recommended) and she's a senior executive at a Silicon Valley online advertising firm. The last time I ran into her, she was selling internet banner ads in San Francisco (2004). Her university degree is in economics, and she's made a pretty good life for herself. (Although I don't envy her commute!) This is the woman who shared my senior year English class with and who I gave a horrible time to because I was seriously mentally ill and nobody cared, and I thought she was conspiring against me.

Also, a lot of the other kids I went to HS with have high status, high paying jobs and are wealthy and admired, even the "dumb kids" have done well. And me? Sitting in my mom's house whining to the internet. No job, no money, nobody (except my mom) even cares that I exist. No prestigious university degree. No vice president of blahblah in Silicon Valley. Nothing at all. The ultimate useless eater. If there was a Purge like in the movie I'd be first in line for the flamethrower. I really should have died a long time ago.

I am so sick of using resources that rightfully belong to superior people. I can't kill myself because I'd fail in that too and wind up a vegetable consuming even MORE resources pointlessly. I try not to consume too much, but the only thing I produce is poop. And that's what I am-poop. I don't want to live another 30 or 40 years, I've already sucked up too much from the taxpayers. What to do?

 

[Misery]

Firstly: You're not useless.

Understand, simply having a generic job doesnt instantly mean you're magically contributing. That banner ad job you mention? Yeah... I wouldnt call that contributing. I'd call it actively making the internet worse, slower, and more irritating to use. NOBODY likes those things, and they very quickly gained a reputation for being nothing but trouble. There's a reason Adblock exists.

Equally, having a really high-paying, highly ranked position somewhere also doesnt instantly mean you're "contributing". Take the "wealthy CEO" sort of guy, for instance. Many of these dudes are the very embodiment of sheer greed... I can think of more than a few extremely specific examples I could give details about, but suffice it to say... they are not good people. They do little work, for HUGE money (we're talking millions) and absolutely will throw "lesser" workers under the bus just so that they, the CEO, can profit even more. And do they do anything good with that money? No. They hoard it. Or use it to invest and make EVEN MORE.

And honestly, as someone that is a part of a wealthy family, I can tell you right now: Big money doesnt equal happiness or contentment. It seriously doesnt. Dont get me wrong, avoiding poverty is a big deal, but that's not what I mean. When people think of wealth and prestige, they always tend to think it'll be this magical answer to all their problems... it aint. It wont do that for you.


But also, let's consider what "contributing" REALLY means. Doing something for the benefit of others... that's what it means. Not just "having a job".
In my case, I dont work. Havent done so in 10 years... in my living situation, there's no reason to. So what do I do to "contribute"? Well, there's various things:

1. I make sure to stay in contact with friends and family that are actually within driving range. I visit my mom and my grandmother, I visit my friend, so on. Even though these are 30+ minute drives sometimes. This sort of thing does well to keep their mood up. My mom in particular works a bit too hard at her job, and can use some support sometimes. My grandmother is in a really boring retirement home, and it's great for her to have someone to talk to.

2. I help out when necessary. Used to drive my friend all over the place, for instance... he didnt have a car for about 20 bloody years. Frequently, he needed a drive to wherever (plenty of times, to work) and so I did so. Aint any reason why not, right? This is also one of the biggest reasons I come to this forum so often... alot of people are looking for help and support on here. I can give some of that... so I do. Or at least, I try my best.

3. I donate, when given the chance to do so in a way that I can actually handle (as in, not needing some screwy bank account or other confusing thing... just lemme use the debit card, and it's good). Particularly when some big disaster happens.

4. Did some game-dev work for a developer I know. Initially they paid me, but after a time I decided to just do it on a volunteer basis. They needed the money... I dont. I also do *alot* of testing (not just for them), all of it unpaid.

5. I care for my dog. Keeping him as happy as possible, giving him the life he deserves, is one of my top priorities, period. I WOULD also volunteer at an animal shelter or something, but my allergies would explode.


Those are just MY examples. And while they may seem like small potatoes to some people, it's often the "small" things that make a real difference. Not everyone is meant to change the world... focus more on improving the lives of those around you.

And believe me, those things are all better than being some greedy jackass at the top of a company that produces stupid crap designed to break after a week. Which is the sort of thing alot of high-paying positions really do in the end.


But I cant just hand you tasks to do, and neither can anyone else here. I gave my examples, and others can give theirs... but in the end, it's up to YOU to figure out what you can do. I mean, you can try doing some of the things I or others list here, but that doesnt instantly mean that those examples are the things you should be doing... it's just what works for whoever posts them. One way or another, you gotta do the thinking yourself. We cant do it for you.

And most of all... dont fall into the trap of thinking "I cant do this, I cant do anything". Attitude is important. If you start thinking that way... you're defeated before the fight even starts. You can do more than you think you can, but not if you keep thinking you're useless.


Feel free to ask on the forums here though when you need help, or even talk to some of us directly via messages. That's what this place is for, yeah?

 

[Major Tom]

Stop comparing yourself to others and being an elephant?

 

[tlc]

Equally, having a really high-paying, highly ranked position somewhere also doesnt instantly mean you're "contributing". Take the "wealthy CEO" sort of guy, for instance. Many of these dudes are the very embodiment of sheer greed... I can think of more than a few extremely specific examples I could give details about, but suffice it to say... they are not good people. They do little work, for HUGE money (we're talking millions) and absolutely will throw "lesser" workers under the bus just so that they, the CEO, can profit even more. And do they do anything good with that money? No. They hoard it. Or use it to invest and make EVEN MORE.

Agree, and this is the exact reason I almost didn't go to college. I wanted to engineer but didn't want to be in this position. They're not all that way but many are. But I'm glad I did, it helped with the more humble (by choice) job I have now. I also wanted to live in the peaceful rural north with good air quality, not the big city.

Also, living in urban southern California is not always a picnic. Good wages but equally very expensive. Horrible traffic. Toxic air quality. Maybe it's sunny and 75 most of the time but do you really want to be outside? I know of many people who left because of those things. Your Jefferson Republic is quite a different place, for what I know it's better in my opinion.

I guarantee all your former classmates have problems. You just don't hear about them.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Stop comparing yourself to others and being an elephant?

In Africa they use elephants to strip bark off twigs to sell as kindling in local shops.

This was a short break. Back to topic.

When I first started thinking good thoughts about myself,not chastising myself, I noticed no difference for months.
Then it was tiny.
Once noticed it was easy to continue.

It can take blind faith to try out the habit,keep doing it for months with no apparent change.

Like drops if water slowly fill a jar,,so a man who thinks good thoughts becomes good.

Tough road

 

[Progster]

Often, it's the small things that really matter in life, not the 'big' things.

 

[SusanLR]

I've never chastised myself for being as I am.
We're all born as we are.
I've just always done the best I can with what I have to work with.
Everyone has abilities that may help others, even if it is just actions, words, or mindfulness.
It is those who think they are better because of money or position that I have found will
sometimes try and put others down.
I've been insulted by being told they are losing money because of me. I'm on SSD and not working.
People like me should have only the barest of necessities to live.

Don't pay attention to what those types say.
And don't say those things to yourself either.
As long as you know you are doing your best abilities, even if you consider it small,
you will have a clean consciousness of self.
We're all what we are. Don't beat yourself up. Just be your best.

 

[Sarah S]

I don't want to live another 30 or 40 years, I've already sucked up too much from the taxpayers. What to do?

First youre NOT worthless .

Second STOP trying to compare youre own lifes to others .its YOU'RE life and THATS what matters

Third I can understand you dont whant to live like this for 30 -40 years as i dont ether as i DONT have a life worth diddly. & the soul perpouse for me to still live is my pets & my dreams & im stubborn as a old mule as well so just give up and /or even take the "easy way out " is NOT an option BUT Just giving up and fall down in the big dark self pity swamp is NOT the right way to go either (TRUST me i fall in there more times then i care to keep track on + Suicidal/depression ) you HAVE to try let youre self ACCEPT WHO you are with all youre " iccues " (incl diagnosis ) and try to do the BEST you can of youe life with what you have to work with.

 

[Xerces Blue]

If you're living your life by other people's expectations you're doing it wrong and you won't be happy.
If what you're doing isn't making you happy then you need to change something.
But you can't look at someone else and say that what they've done will make you happy.
For example I work in manufacturing.
my last "Real" job was "Blast/Paint Lead" a leadership role, I hated it.
I hated dealing with my "superiors" people who had little to no knowledge of how my department did what we where supposed to.
I had to explain to them how if the other departments didn't finish they're production queue we couldn't finish ours. Go figure you can't paint a part that isn't built yet.
this got to the point where I was tracking unfinished projects more than the floor supervisor was just to cover me and my crew.
Now I'm working for a company that makes custom acrylic and glass panels for use in everything from light fixtures to counter tops.
I'm working in a crew position and it's satisfying.
It doesn't pay huge amounts but I like it and I can live of it.
Don't let other people dictate what you do.
That path only leads to misery.

 

[Crossbreed]

...and being an elephant?

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Stop caring.

Are you supporting taxation? If not then your responsibility stops there. Take as much from the system as possible, because it's being taken from these people anyway. Either it pays for your food or it pays to send some hired assassins to the desert. I think food is the better option.

 

[BraidedPony]

i love elephants!

 

[Jojo_LB]

Perhaps it may be of small consolation to know that I can relate because I used to compare myself to my peers all the time. I too once felt incredibly crappy about the fact that at least 90% of my class have gone on to big things and are successful (that is, what the privileged in society deem as successful, such as having high-paying jobs, getting married, owning houses and cars and saving up for retirement) and I'm one of the few who just struggled and failed multiple times after graduation.

90%.. that seems like a huge overestimation, but it's actually probably a very realistic estimation. I graduated from one of those super competitive, elite high schools in NYC, the ones you have to take a hard exam to gain entrance to and like 30,000+ 8th graders take the exam and only 1800 kids are offered seats in three high schools to incoming freshman (well it was only three high schools at the time I took the exam, now there are about nine high schools). A huge percentage of my graduating class then went on to Ivy League or big-name private schools. I myself went to New York University, a big name private school, but I hated it. Most of the people in my classes were annoying kids who came from wealthy families and talked about partying every weekend. I left after one year. It was torture.

A couple of times a few years ago, I visited my school's alumni website where they listed contact info for all alumni and gave short descriptions of what they were up to. Most of them appeared to be "successful" (refer back to description of successful above). I used to feel like such a "loser" when I thought about how far I am behind my peers. We got the same education, so how come I failed, while seemingly everyone else was doing so well?? It didn't help that my family acted like there was something seriously wrong with me too. They were the complete opposite of helpful.

Now, I just focus on my own journey. Considering what I'd been through for the past 25 years, I think I'm doing alright. I spend no time at all now thinking about how "behind" I am. Behind in what, anyway? That way of thinking no longer makes sense to me. I may have struggled really hard to get here. I may struggle for the rest of my life. But at least I know I can achieve stuff. And actually, I find what most people want in life really mind-numbingly boring anyway. It didn't occur to me then, but it became clearer to me as I got older that there was nothing inherently wrong with me, it was that I didn't actually want my life to take the same path as everyone else's. I can't explain why I find the whole traditional path of graduate-college-at-21-go-to-grad-school-get-high-paying-job-get-married-buy-house-have-kids-buy-car-make-life-entirely-about-family interesting. In fact, the thought of going down that path was off-putting! I thought, "There's got to be more to it all than that." Maybe I'm just one of those people who is constantly trying to find "meaning" to life. And I definitely get bored too easily (I have severe ADHD. For me, everything is boring. If you don't know what that's like, then good for you, because omg), a lot more so than most other people.

So it's easy for me now to not measure myself up to any of my peers. I can't measure myself up to anyone anyway when my own experiences, my perception of the world, of the "meaning of life," my actual brain structure and functions, are quite different from most other people.

I hope that one day, you choose to stop looking at others' lives and comparing them to yours. Your path and your journey are completely your own, no one else's. Their lives sound pretty damn boring anyway, imo.

 

[oregano]

OK, a short apology here, that made me sound worse than I actually am. By no means am I Chris-Chan playing video games all day in a decaying house while my mom rots in an adjacent room. I do get out, I do some interesting things. I am a licensed amateur radio operator and I am teaching myself how to repair old vacuum tube radios. I switched out the hard drive on my old laptop a while back and installed Linux Mint because I was fed up with Microsoft.

The woman I mentioned in my OP lives in the Roseville area and commutes to Redwood City, about halfway between San Francisco and San Jose, every day for her job. Check that out on Google Earth. She likely drives to the Roseville train station, then hops a commuter train to Oakland, then probably takes a bus to Redwood City. That's likely, what, a three hour commute? And then there's the stress of working in Silicon Valley, a woman in a sea of men. (And we all know about SV's misogynistic culture.)

It just rankles me that my classmates are all making all this money and paying taxes and employing people and etc and I'm such a failure in that regard. I grew up in an affluent area and kids were expected to do well in HS and get into good universities and become wealthier and more prominent than their parents, and I was the poor kid who was "weird" and "crazy" and who everybody hated because of that.

 

[Misery]

OK, a short apology here, that made me sound worse than I actually am. By no means am I Chris-Chan playing video games all day in a decaying house while my mom rots in an adjacent room. I do get out, I do some interesting things. I am a licensed amateur radio operator and I am teaching myself how to repair old vacuum tube radios. I switched out the hard drive on my old laptop a while back and installed Linux Mint because I was fed up with Microsoft.

The woman I mentioned in my OP lives in the Roseville area and commutes to Redwood City, about halfway between San Francisco and San Jose, every day for her job. Check that out on Google Earth. She likely drives to the Roseville train station, then hops a commuter train to Oakland, then probably takes a bus to Redwood City. That's likely, what, a three hour commute? And then there's the stress of working in Silicon Valley, a woman in a sea of men. (And we all know about SV's misogynistic culture.)

It just rankles me that my classmates are all making all this money and paying taxes and employing people and etc and I'm such a failure in that regard. I grew up in an affluent area and kids were expected to do well in HS and get into good universities and become wealthier and more prominent than their parents, and I was the poor kid who was "weird" and "crazy" and who everybody hated because of that.

And all of this matters... how, exactly?

Stop caring what all of your old classmates do. There's no point to it. I mean, hell, you even mention them paying taxes... I tell you, there's nothing whatsoever to be jealous about THERE. That's being bothered by something simply for the sake of being bothered.

Besides, you cant know if any of these people actually have good lives. All you know is what society TELLS you is a good life... big money and blah blah blah. But for all you know, these people could be miserable in what they do. "Big job" doesnt mean big fun or satisfaction or accomplishment or that, as already explained many times above. Instead, it often can mean big stress, depression, frustration, and so on.

Plus, frankly, these people you're talking about sound like they're about as deep as a puddle. "Become wealthier and more prominent" sounds bloody stupid to shove onto your kids... it sure doesnt speak well for them.


Really though, your school days are over. Those classmates shouldnt matter to you now.

 

[Jojo_LB]

I don't think anyone was making any assumptions about what you do and whether you enjoy it or not Well I can only speak for myself and say that I didn't, but I think I can safely guess that no one else did either.

Also, it seems like your old classmates didn't even have to try to get where they are. They are super privileged. They got there because their families are wealthy, upper class, and they probably are pretty socially well-connected. Most of them are likely NT. They didn't work hard at all to have what they have, but I'm sure a lot of them are delusional enough to believe that they "busted their butts off" for it. I know the type very well. I live in New York City so I have had the misfortune of being forced to be around these fools. ("I worked SO very hard for my $5 million Central Park West apartment and $10 million home in the Hamptons and my maids and nannies from Guatemala and my four sports cars, so don't judge me wah wah wah.")

They are no more deserving of resources than we are. They like to think they're more deserving but they're wrong, 'cause they're not. Because people who have that much got their stuff because they benefited from the exploitation of the rest of us.

 

[Crossbreed]

@oregano , socially-speaking, we are documented as being the last to be picked (especially in a Buyer's-Market economy). Whose fault is that!?

That is why the "safety net" was created. Keep trying to better your situation, but don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[oregano]

@Misery, the weird thing is I generally don't think about my HS years all that much anymore. (I graduated in 1993.) I was simply googling a few names of people in the news and suddenly got the idea to write the class valedictorian's name in the search box.

And then I remembered being on Classmates.com a long time ago (I yanked my account off there a decade ago) and how they talked about being wealthy lawyers and such, and how I was stupid enough to go to my 10 year reunion (where nobody wanted to talk to me, duh ) and how everybody there had high paying, high status jobs and were rich and admired by their peers in their professions, and they weren't even 30 yet! I of course had a community college "degree" and no job and was living in an RV.

Like I said my parents had bought a house in that area because it was cheap due to being way out in the boonies at that time, and then the suburbs reached the area and by my HS years it was for rich people. It's even worse now, all the fields I played in are now stuffed full of McMansions, houses really close together with ornate landscaping and the houses all have that awful Tuscan Revival architecture that the aspiring rich think looks like an Italian villa.

I'm glad not to live there anymore, but I'm not as far away as I really should be and I find myself up there all the time. It's not healthy. I need to get money together to finally move out of this city.

 

[Misery]

@Misery, the weird thing is I generally don't think about my HS years all that much anymore. (I graduated in 1993.) I was simply googling a few names of people in the news and suddenly got the idea to write the class valedictorian's name in the search box.

And then I remembered being on Classmates.com a long time ago (I yanked my account off there a decade ago) and how they talked about being wealthy lawyers and such, and how I was stupid enough to go to my 10 year reunion (where nobody wanted to talk to me, duh ) and how everybody there had high paying, high status jobs and were rich and admired by their peers in their professions, and they weren't even 30 yet! I of course had a community college "degree" and no job and was living in an RV.

Like I said my parents had bought a house in that area because it was cheap due to being way out in the boonies at that time, and then the suburbs reached the area and by my HS years it was for rich people. It's even worse now, all the fields I played in are now stuffed full of McMansions, houses really close together with ornate landscaping and the houses all have that awful Tuscan Revival architecture that the aspiring rich think looks like an Italian villa.

I'm glad not to live there anymore, but I'm not as far away as I really should be and I find myself up there all the time. It's not healthy. I need to get money together to finally move out of this city.

What the heck is a "McMansion"?

As for architecture, I tend to think that's not really just a "rich" thing, more a "conformity" thing. Around my area, there's all sorts of subdivisions and housing developments and whatnot (unless I go even one mile to the west, then it's eternal grass from there). Some areas are rich, some are not. Regardless of whether it's a big freaking mansion, or some little house, they ALL use the same brain-meltingly boring architecture style. I have no idea what it's called... probably too dull to have a name. But rich or poor, every house around this region does it. It is stupid. I notice this seems to be the case in places I travel to as well.

Well, sort of. We have a place down on an island nobody seems to have heard of off of the coast of Florida, and I'm pretty convinced the people that built those houses were all on acid at the time. The only place I've been to where the houses and such dont give off a boredom aura. One of these days I should take some photos of them.


Aaaaaaanyway, yeah, about the whole reunion thing: Maybe it's just me being cynical, but I always get the idea that alot of people that go to reunions will partly do so just so they can brag about how successful they are to people that they assume wont be as successful. Doesnt mean the person doing the bragging actually IS successful... it's just that they're SAYING they are. It's really best to keep that in mind. But yeah, reunions just seem so odd to me. So many people are utter jerks in highschool and whatnot... I've thusly never understood the point.

 

[Crossbreed]

What the heck is a "McMansion"?

McMansion - Wikipedia