Welcome to AC! I am Aspie married to an NT. Prior to my diagnosis it was a real struggle for us to remain together. My meltdowns were very violent, having gone 40 years without being diagnosed and learning how to better cope and avoid having them to some extant. We were at the point of divorce when we sought help thru a therapist, who is also licensed to dx ASD disorders. She was the one that figured out I was Aspie, and once tested, the results left no doubt in her mind, or the second Dr that I had to see to get Vocational Rehab to assist with job placement. My wife is now able to better cope, not inflame or enable meltdowns and I now know thru training with my therapist to know when I am getting near that point, and I can exit or leave the area to go to one of my "safe" areas to calm down. I highly recommend reading everything you can about Aspergers as there are so many traits and no one person is alike. Some days I am more functional than others. There are some excellent books on leaving with someone with AS. Will there be struggles, yes. Will you need to be more self sufficient than other NT girls in a marriage, my wife would say yes. There are things I just do not do well at, and never will. Knowing everytime she needs held, or hugged, being able to see things from her point of view or as she says it, be in her shoes. She might want adult time later in the evening, say after 10pm, but much after 8pm I am used up emotionaly and mentally and ready to be left alone. She likes to snuggle, I don't, espicaly when I am sleeping. I sleep under an 18lb weighted blanket that she doesn't understand how I can do that, but without it, I wake up nearly every hour and am unable to get the 7-8 hours sleep I need to be emotionaly stable for the next day. But she knows this and will tell me to get to bed if I get hyper focused into something and its getting late. She will back off when she sees I am getting frustrated in an discussion and wait till I am able to respond, which I do once I am able to process the information and form a responce. There will be lots of work on your end. Keep in mind that many on the spectrum are a bit blunt, ask me if you look fat in a pair of new jeans, and you would get a blunt answer, which might not be want you wanted to hear. I lack a "social filter" most of the time. But I do love her dearly, do I grow tired of her, sure I do and I am sure many couples go thru dry spells. But it passes, we just keep to ourselves and usually that only lasts a few days to a week. I might look to others that I am not interested in her, but I am just hyper focused on whatever my obsession is at that moment, usually my model trains or antique tractors. Good Luck and I wish you both nothing but the best. Mike and Michele T
