How would you tell apart a Reason from an Excuse?

[AshenRosesnertheNile]

This is my first general post and I have to get this off my chest. I ask this question because before I was diagnosed, I was miserable and depressed. Worst of all, I was ashamed of myself for not living up to my own preconceived expectations; For my Myself and for my own family.

I contemplated ending my life many times, before I made the decision to book a Doctor's Appointment, which ultimately saved my life. I'm doing well so far and taking the necessary steps towards self-care. I made a promise to never be ashamed of myself and accept myself for who am I and my short-comings. I do healthy routines and forgave myself if I ever remembered my past traumas.

Right now my Counselor is helping me by finding a suitable job that fits my needs and limitations. He nudged me to try part-time roles to earn some allowances for the time being. My issue is that I fear that my routines and self-care might get in the way of work. So if an issues arises, (any issue in particular) how am I supposed to explain myself that in such a way does not break my own promise?

 

[Suzette]

Hello and welcome
What kind of part time work are you persuing?
So much depends on whether you will work from home or "in the public". And of course some part time jobs are working for a few hours every day (all week) and some just working a few 8 hour days per week.

 

[Gracey]

If the work is part time,
The self care routines can fit into the time you're not working ?

 

[Thinx]

Great idea to try some part time work, and see what fits for you. Try things that seem to appeal to you , and see how it goes. Sometimes we can only find out what is an issue and what isn't by experience, and once you have a part time job that appeals, see what the issues are and talk them through, here, if you want, and with your counselor.

You will get new positives from the work too, so you may feel better in some ways anyway, and less inclined to feel down on yourself. You are doing your best. You are finding out what works for you, and what issues may come up. Then you can sort them out, with help if needed.

Some people prefer backroom roles, where they are not face to face with public, though actually I quite enjoy face to face roles, it can take time though to get all of a job clear. I like to make notes of processes or tasks, I learn well that way, but everyone's different. I find if I write it down, I don't have to ask for reminders and can learn it gradually and thoroughly.

You definitely have the right idea with looking after yourself and not being hard on yourself, no one responds well to meanness or harsh treatment, we all will get on more successfully and happily by understanding our own needs and finding ways that work best for us. I have found a number of different work settings that work ok for me, it also depends on the other workers, finding a fit with them, and working through any hitches.

 

[AshenRosesnertheNile]

Thanks for the replies! I'm trying to find work now. I'm volunteering as a social distancing ambassador so I try to make sure people comply with the Covid Restrictions. Boy howdy, is it a demeaning! Most of the people I have to advice are mostly old folks but I prefer not to get in the way. I just really want to pursue my art passions.

I thought about pursuing Art as a Side Hustle and take commissions through social media. I've made some digital portraits and fanart here and there. Might take a while to set up because I really want to invest in a screen tablet.

Other than that I'm working on a guide on how to draw and paint. Only thing is I'm worried that my Parents would frown upon this endeavour. I know I can't please everyone, I want to concentrate on my own goals but I don't want to upset my Parents. Here are some of my artworks.

 

[Suzette]

These are really good!

As a parent I can honestly say that you should not worry over much about your parents reaction to your endeavors. All of their criticisms are based in fear. That only means that they can't understand your vision, not that they would not be happy if you suceed.
They want you to be happy and they think it is their job to make you happy. All parents think this. Once you show them that you are happy with your desicions, most likely they will be happy for you too.

 

[AshenRosesnertheNile]

Well, for my parents, I'm the eldest son of four boys. The 2nd youngest is on the Spectrum. Non-verbal and co-dependent on Mum. The youngest is also on the spectrum but Highly Functioning. Plus with me having similar symptoms you can hazard a guess as to why my parents are not condoning this art pursuit. I know they want me to be happy but I know they also want me to earn a living to support everyone.

 

[Richelle-H]

My goodness, but you have skills and talent. I suspect you are very passionate about your art. I suspect it also relaxes and helps you in ways that are difficult to express in words.

Here is the thing: you have a marketable skill, and it is already at a level most people could never achieve. You should be proud of your skills and hone them, expand them, seek your own path. You cannot please everyone, but you should work on pleasing yourself.

Disappointment and conflict are a part of life, but you should not let that disrupt your goals and passions.

I am also first born, and I confounded and confused my mother, who was the source of all things good in my youth. Also at least two of my three siblings also were on the spectrum to some degree although never diagnosed. Not knowing anything about that until I was in my 40s, I just followed my passions. Those led me to social interaction in a stepped non stressful manner, as well as a successful and comfortable career.

I think you should listen to your inner voice and not fear trying different approaches. It takes time. I did not hit my stride, work wise, until I was in my late 30s.

You seem organized and passionate about your art. That is a guide post to finding a good fit for you both economically and socially.

I lived with my parents until I was in my early thirties. Moving out on my own was traumatic at the time, but I got over it quickly and ultimately it led to better jobs and years later a mate.

Sorry for getting so wordy, and I don't know if this is any help at all. I followed my passions and interests and that has led me to a much better life than I could ever imagine in my twenties and thirties.

Don't let others distract you from what you are passionate about. That is key to finding yourself and expanding your horizons. In the meantime the part time work could help you in ways that might not become apparent to you until much later.

Persevere and listen to yourself. Sure it may cause some strife for both you and others, but life is like that, You cannot avoid it, so just learn from it and move on.

Be good to yourself and things will start falling into place eventually.

 

[AshenRosesnertheNile]

Oh my! I've never thought of it like that.

 

[Ken]

Only thing is I'm worried that my Parents would frown upon this endeavour. I know I can't please everyone, I want to concentrate on my own goals but I don't want to upset my Parents. Here are some of my artworks.

It appears common that most parents are skeptical of their children pursuing a career in art or music. This was true (at least as per the movies) with Elton John and Freddie Mercury. Against their parents wishes, however, both turned out to do quite well.

I think every person is an individual with individual strengths and weaknesses. A successful career is a matter of matching the career with your strengths. Somewhat like the strengths of a Ferrari and the strengths of a Steiger 620 tractor. Both have world class impressive performance, but the Steiger will perform very poorly as a performance road car and the Ferrari will perform very poorly as a farm tractor. Just got to match your skills with your career. When you do that, you will excel.

I think the part time jobs are a great idea. It can help with life-lessons as well as some business and marketing experience.

My advice, for what it's worth is; do not give up on your art!! Your art talent is like a Ferrari on the highway. I think your only challenge is jumping through all the hoops necessary to get to that highway.

Another example is Elon Musk. Elon is autistic. His success is because he found his matching career - his Ferrari highway or his Steiger 620 plow.

 

[Fino]

In my opinion, a reason is a statement of fact. It's an explanation for why you can't do the thing. You can't do it.

But an excuse is a reason thought up in order to get out of the thing. You can do it, but you don't want to.

 

[AshenRosesnertheNile]

Well in that case, I am prone to sensory overload. I have to skirt around the issue to avoid having meltdowns. So, if I have to excuse myself to regain my composure during work, it must be a reason.

However if I don't want to do a certain job role, but in my heart I just don't want to go outside. In that case I make up a convincing story to myself to say that the job is too loud for me to concentrate. So that might become an excuse.

 

[Thinx]

Try to find a job you like and that has aspects you enjoy. Give it a try, and see how it goes. Don't over think yourself. It sounds like you are trying hard to step up and try a new thing. That's brave.

 

[Luca]

Oh my goodness, your artwork is amazing!! You're extremely talented.
My adoptive family, as wonderful and loving as they are, didn't think a career in the arts was a good idea for me... harsh criticism tends to hurt my feelings, especially if it's not particularly constructive, and I doubt myself and second-guess myself so much that I don't think I would be able to make a stable career out of something that's basically dependent on talent. I would get really anxious and stressed out and I would feel like I was being judged too much. So I pursue the arts as a hobby. It's funny, because I'm way more creative-brained and emotional-brained than logical-brained. I'm not even good at math!
Well, anyway... sorry for getting sidetracked!! This happens with me all the time...
I always feel like I'm making excuses too... my disabilities do legitimately get in the way of a lot of things, but other people tend not to see it that way, especially not employers.
It's great that you're pursuing a job though. But that job does sound stressful! Do you think you could talk to your counselor about other jobs that fit your needs/challenges that are not so high-stress and demeaning, as you said? Some people don't mind working directly with other people, but some people do better with jobs or careers that are more "isolated," using quotes since the correct term escapes me right now lol. Working from home is a perfect option for a lot of people, especially in the Covid era.
So do some research and try some stuff out, and see what works best for you!! And if doing art professionally makes you happy (and wow, it's obvious that you certainly have the talent!! ) then that's worth having another serious conversation about with your family and possibly your counselor. No one should feel forced to do something that makes them unhappy when there's a much more fulfilling option available.
And yes, self-care is extremely important too! So it's great that you're finding the time for that