How would you explain __________ to your child?

[Crazi]

I often like to take the hard things that have happened to me and the challenges I've faced- the things I've done wrong and learned the hard way and turn them around to think- how can I be proactive about this? AKA how would I explain this hard subject to my kids.

So, how would you take a life lesson and try and instill it in your child?

This thread can range from basic parenting skill idea discussion to even scripted "talks" or letters you want your child to read (if you ever decide to have one that is.)

Edit: It can be a fun exercise, clarifying things in your own mind that you might not other wise think through even if you don' ever plan on having kids.

 

[Christy]

When I was a kid, I had a friend who would cheat at everything. It was so bad her Mum used to help her cheat. My parents wanted to instill good values in me, and would insist I play by the rules. Unfortunately I was naive and could never figure out how on earth she always got it right, and my parents never enlightened me as to what was really going on. It left me feeling stupid all the time.

If presented with a similar situation, I would teach my child that some people cheat, and that you should stand up for yourself. Play by the rules, but also be aware that others do not.

 

[Judge]

I often like to take the hard things that have happened to me and the challenges I've faced- the things I've done wrong and learned the hard way and turn them around to think- how can I be proactive about this? AKA how would I explain this hard subject to my kids.

So, how would you take a life lesson and try and instill it in your child?

I'd tell them, "One doesn't actually learn from success nearly as much as one learns from failure. The real trick being not to give up."

 

[142857]

When I was a kid, I had a friend who would cheat at everything. It was so bad her Mum used to help her cheat. My parents wanted to instill good values in me, and would insist I play by the rules. Unfortunately I was naive and could never figure out how on earth she always got it right, and my parents never enlightened me as to what was really going on. It left me feeling stupid all the time.

If presented with a similar situation, I would teach my child that some people cheat, and that you should stand up for yourself. Play by the rules, but also be aware that others do not.

I would teach my kids that cheats never prosper, and that cheats can never be trusted.

The person who cheats at a board game or at sport can be expected to be equally dishonest when it comes to more important things in life. Wise people know this, so you need to ask yourself if you want other people to see you this way.

 

[Crazi]

Something I learned just now is that it is always better to be clear when communicating with people, and explain why something made you feel/ is bad then trying to demonstrate to them how it made you feel bad by repeating it. That's more of an eye for an eye approach and it leaves both people feeling worse.
So to end on a high note- explanations are almost always helpful.

 

[Crazi]

Well everyone,
I'm gonna take the plunge and have "the talk" with my imaginary child.
Here's how I hope to phrase it (briefly)
"Sex is supposed to be a physical expression of love with some one who you know intimately and are attracted to. Attraction can be on a mental and emotional level too, not just a physical one.
How people express this varies greatly. It usually occurs between people of the oppostie genders, but can occur between people of the same gender as well. Neither way is more right than the other."

And then I'd leave the rest to health class. But I'd want to at least express that bit.

 

[G-Max]

A fact and logic-based approach is usually best. Try to imagine that you are Spock and you are trying to explain silly human behaviors to a fellow Vulcan. For example, this:

"Sex is supposed to be a physical expression of love with some one who you know intimately and are attracted to"

...is the exact opposite of what you should do, because it's an opinion with no basis in objective reality and presenting it as a fact will only cause more confusion down the line.

 

[Crazi]

@G-Max I know it s an opinion but it's what I believe. I want to instill a positive yet responsible attitude about sex in my imaginary child.

 

[G-Max]

I want to instill a positive yet responsible attitude about sex in my imaginary child.

That's certainly a worthwhile goal, but your attitude toward sex is not the only one to quality as "positive yet responsible". It's not even the most "positive yet responsible" one. I used to share an attitude similar to yours, until I worked up the courage to critically examine it and found it incompatible with an objectivity-driven worldview. I do not intend to dissuade you from holding this attitude; I'm simply saying that, when you present it to your kids, you should explicitly say that it's your opinion (so they know whether to mentally file it under "silly illogical things that neurotypicals believe" or "things that I should just assume make sense even if I don't understand how").

 

[Crazi]

That's certainly a worthwhile goal, but your attitude toward sex is not the only one to quality as "positive yet responsible". It's not even the most "positive yet responsible" one. I used to share an attitude similar to yours, until I worked up the courage to critically examine it and found it incompatible with an objectivity-driven worldview. I do not intend to dissuade you from holding this attitude; I'm simply saying that, when you present it to your kids, you should explicitly say that it's your opinion (so they know whether to mentally file it under "silly illogical things that neurotypicals believe" or "things that I should just assume make sense even if I don't understand how").

well, I'm all about explaining how and yeah I actually have reasons why I think what I shared. Not quite sure how you know the ranking for "most-qualified, postive-yet-responsilble opinions on sex." Tbh, that seems a rather narrow/random/impossible thing to know, as it, as you JUST pointed out, is a matter of opinion. So basically you are saying your opinion on sex is better than mine and I don't appreciate it.
I do think its important they know its my opinion but that's kind of implied in the context. Plus- they have the whole rest of their life to explore and disobey me which they would almost assuredly would do anyway. But I would just want them to know what I think and understand why. Because, like I said earlier, I have my reasons.

 

[G-Max]

well, I'm all about explaining how and yeah I actually have reasons why I think what I shared. Not quite sure how you know the ranking for "most-qualified, postive-yet-responsilble opinions on sex." Tbh, that seems a rather narrow/random/impossible thing to know, as it, as you JUST pointed out, is a matter of opinion.

Not quite. The part that's an opinion is "Sex is supposed to be a physical expression of love with some one who you know intimately and are attracted to". Notice how that sentence doesn't include the words "positive" or "responsible".

An example of a more "positive" attitude than yours is "sex is great, it's better to have sex with someone you're indifferent toward than to not get any at all", if we're using the common definition of a positive attitude toward sex. An example of a more "responsible" attitude would be something like "it's best to not get pregnant until you are emotionally and financially ready to start a family". I do not claim that either view is mine, nor do I claim that either is a "better" opinion than yours, just that they more accurately fit your stated goals.

 

[Crazi]

. . . Everything you jut said was opinion.

Look, as I can already see, you are the knit picky sort, which is frankly something I should have been able to spot at the very beginning. Hence, this "debate" is useless as you are probably never going to be able to admit when your wrong a trait which we, by the way, DO NOT share although I've encountered it many times in my life. So I'm going to disengage you now. Have a nice day.

 

[G-Max]

. . . Everything you jut said was opinion.

Only if you're using a different definition of "opinion" from what the rest of the English-speaking world uses.

 

[wyverary]

How about we all calm down, take a deep breath, move all our quarrels to private messaging, and return to the topic at hand, eh?

wyv

 

[G-Max]

I've been calm since the beginning.

 

[142857]

"Calm" and "obnoxious" are not mutually exclusive.

I've not given much thought to how I will discuss sex with my children. I have values (that I haven't always followed) and I guess I will tell them about those values and why I hold them, and I will also pass on some life lessons about the mistakes that people tend to make.

They, of course, will make their own choices in life.