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How to tell if an Aspie guy loves you?

1ForAll

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
He stayed with you as friends for 2-3 years without running away. That shows he cares.

He was willing to get out of his comfort zone and try romance type things, and for many with Autism that can be very hard or the time they'd soon try to distance. That shows he cares. Suggesting he could be in it just for sex diminishes all his time and efforts leading up to that point.

He was apparently willing to treat your children in a nice way and as like family. That shows he cares.

He shows care through some non-romance and romance actions apparently. That shows he cares, as actions take efforts and energy, regardless the reason one does such.

He does not show care or love in all ways you want or need. That is human, and as female and guy perspectives and actions can differ there much less for NTs and NDs. Love can be defined and shown in many ways. Who is to say what is the best way? Each situation is different.

The words "I Love You" from any person in the dating or relationship process can sometimes be fake anyway, or if is a reaction after the other said it first, or after one asked that question.. That tells me not necessarily the truth, as the person could tell the other what they just want to hear.

Guys find it harder to say such much less Autistic persons who can sometimes have difficulty identifying, understanding and expressing various feelings. Guys often are conditioned or through genetics trained to show care often through actions foremost. Pushing him to say what you want to hear may push him further away, as if you are judging him adversely by his lack of words or from any lack of trust for him shown there.

Do guys tell women, "Hey, did you decide to date or marry me because of my job or bank account, or because you love me and the other things about me?" She may say sweet words to him or do some things for him, yet not love him, or hoping to later love him. She may have never given him a chance if he was a nice, poor guy. Or she may have just wanted kids with him and then discard him. We would likely never learn that truth if she hid those strong desires and intentions

So, the bottom line is, try not to assume anything about men and women by their words or actions, regardless how nice, typical, off in ways or different, as everyone has the capacity to not reveal everything, and to want to pick persons because they offer something, that may have never been disclosed . That is natural. Hardly nobody in relationships are totally forthcoming as that leads to vulnerability later.

Appreciate what you have, if more good than bad, allow for growth, keep your eyes wide open, and hope for the best, if you genuinely feel much likeness for them. Love takes time to show and develop more sometimes, through patience, commitment, step by step togetherness and openness and trust.
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Do guys tell women, "Hey, did you decide to date or marry me because of my job or bank account,
If a guy asked a woman that in the year 2023 (going on 2024), she’d say, “Nope,…I’ve got my own.” And then she’d dump him for being pompous.
 
I have been friends with this guy for over 3 years and now we have become intimate. He's never had a real relationship before. He stays over Saturday nights . He is close with my kids however he still keeps what's going on with us private. How do I know if this is just about sex or he has feelings for me?
Never had a real relationship before?
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
If a guy asked a woman that in the year 2023 (going on 2024), she’d say, “Nope,…I’ve got my own.” And then she’d dump him for being pompous.
The statistics support this. It's a game in which almost everyone is playing to lose, and succeeding.
 
I have been friends with this guy for over 3 years and now we have become intimate. He's never had a real relationship before. He stays over Saturday nights . He is close with my kids however he still keeps what's going on with us private. How do I know if this is just about sex or he has feelings for me?
I'm going to assume he's in his 30s or older? Since I've noticed cases like that for years now that it's either the norm or just quite common for men on the Spectrum to remain chronically alone and single later than normal hasn't reached their later 20s or enter 30s and older and have never been with anyone
 

Aryana

Well-Known Member
I'm going to assume he's in his 30s or older? Since I've noticed cases like that for years now that it's either the norm or just quite common for men on the Spectrum to remain chronically alone and single later than normal hasn't reached their later 20s or enter 30s and older and have never been with anyone
Yes he's 43 .
I'm going to assume he's in his 30s or older? Since I've noticed cases like that for years now that it's either the norm or just quite common for men on the Spectrum to remain chronically alone and single later than normal hasn't reached their later 20s or enter 30s and older and have never been with anyone
 

Aryana

Well-Known Member
He stayed with you as friends for 2-3 years without running away. That shows he cares.

He was willing to get out of his comfort zone and try romance type things, and for many with Autism that can be very hard or the time they'd soon try to distance. That shows he cares. Suggesting he could be in it just for sex diminishes all his time and efforts leading up to that point.

He was apparently willing to treat your children in a nice way and as like family. That shows he cares.

He shows care through some non-romance and romance actions apparently. That shows he cares, as actions take efforts and energy, regardless the reason one does such.

He does not show care or love in all ways you want or need. That is human, and as female and guy perspectives and actions can differ there much less for NTs and NDs. Love can be defined and shown in many ways. Who is to say what is the best way? Each situation is different.

The words "I Love You" from any person in the dating or relationship process can sometimes be fake anyway, or if is a reaction after the other said it first, or after one asked that question.. That tells me not necessarily the truth, as the person could tell the other what they just want to hear.

Guys find it harder to say such much less Autistic persons who can sometimes have difficulty identifying, understanding and expressing various feelings. Guys often are conditioned or through genetics trained to show care often through actions foremost. Pushing him to say what you want to hear may push him further away, as if you are judging him adversely by his lack of words or from any lack of trust for him shown there.

Do guys tell women, "Hey, did you decide to date or marry me because of my job or bank account, or because you love me and the other things about me?" She may say sweet words to him or do some things for him, yet not love him, or hoping to later love him. She may have never given him a chance if he was a nice, poor guy. Or she may have just wanted kids with him and then discard him. We would likely never learn that truth if she hid those strong desires and intentions

So, the bottom line is, try not to assume anything about men and women by their words or actions, regardless how nice, typical, off in ways or different, as everyone has the capacity to not reveal everything, and to want to pick persons because they offer something, that may have never been disclosed . That is natural. Hardly nobody in relationships are totally forthcoming as that leads to vulnerability later.

Appreciate what you have, if more good than bad, allow for growth, keep your eyes wide open, and hope for the best, if you genuinely feel much likeness for them. Love takes time to honestly I really believe and develop more sometimes, through patience, commitment, step by step togetherness and openness and trust.
Thanks you've given me a lot of good feedback. And I agree with you. I have been very patient with him and will continue to be. And he is definitely come way out of his comfort zone with me. He has changed so much it's unbelievable!! Honestly I really believe we both love each other.
 

Aryana

Well-Known Member
And when you say he's never had a real relationship has he had any dating experience or dated any women previously prior to you?
He was set up once by a friend of his with this girl. They quote dated for 4 months but he suspected something was not right he was being pressured by her and her family to marry her. He found out it was all planned they wanted him to marry her to get her green card. He told me he has never been so used and abused in his life.
 
He was set up once by a friend of his with this girl. They quote dated for 4 months but he suspected something was not right he was being pressured by her and her family to marry her. He found out it was all planned they wanted him to marry her to get her green card. He told me he has never been so used and abused in his life.
How long ago was he dating this woman
 

Kalinychta

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Do you say “I love you” to him? If not, maybe he’s too shy to say it first. If you do say it, maybe he just needs more time.
 

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