How-To meeting women online?

[Autistamatic]

Thinking like this does not get you very far in life... but i will not voice my opinion here since this is feminist ruled forum and i dont need be blocked for my views.

If you don't respect women as your equals then no wonder you're not having any luck! If you can't get past that and start living in the 21st century you'd better get used to being lonely.
If it doesn't get you far in life I must have imagined all those women in my life, the love and the good times, not to mention the beautiful wife sat smiling at me as I type this.

 

[rollerskate]

The whole paying thing is nonsense.

Any guy that isn't good looking is going to find it nearly impossible to find a woman online. To put money into such a shot in the dark is a total waste. Either go for totally free sites, or put money towards clubs or even speed dating/singles events.

A hot guy shouldn't pay either because you can easily get by with just "Likes" then.

Even following all suggestions it's going to end up being a total numbers game, and you are not even guaranteed to get anything substantial out of it. Maybe you could end up (I assume you are 30?) with a pretty cute 40-something year old with a nice personality and that would be totally lucky. 30 year olds and younger are already predisposed to going for the "hot guys" and the sheer amount of messages they get further dilutes your chances.

Okay, real talk here.

You get what you pay for. If you're so stingy you can't pony up $20 for one month of seeing those that are too shy to message you, or even $1.50 for 30 minutes of stardom, what makes you think you are datable, to begin with? That's really a serious question to ask if you are looking for something stable and long term. If you're not stable enough to hold up your end of the relationship, and to work hard for what you want... what makes you think you deserve someone that does have those qualities?

It IS a numbers game. And if you want more numbers than what's given to you for free, you have to pay to play. No one is ripping you off. It costs them money to run those sites without ads being all up in your face.

The fact you recommend the free sites really shows where your head is, and it's not in finding anything long term.

Sure, if you just want to have sex with strangers, the free sites are GREAT for that.

Btw. I am a 35 year old, naturally beautiful, caring woman whose majors and work experience are in Communications and IT. I DON'T look for "hot guys" because they quite often are narcissistic one night stand types who can't handle a woman with brains, or trolls. I DO go for a good personality, no matter what they look like.

I'm quite frequently mistaken for being "too good to be true", which is fine by me - those guys typically have too many toxic thoughts and behaviors to even begin to be able to handle a relationship with anyone that isn't a one night stand.

And I simply told the OP how to get in contact/noticed by someone like me based on my own experience from having used and moderated various dating sites since their inception. I also know what I'm talking about, thanks to my expertise and experience as being one of those "impossible to reach" women that continues to be discussed in this thread like a boneless piece of meat (which, btw, is offensive, and definitely not the kind of attitude that attracts smart ladies).

I've helped other autistics get more success on dating sites in the past, as well, via voluntary private coaching.

So the next time you say someone is speaking nonsense, you may want to first ask who and what you're dismissing as garbage. You literally just claimed to know more about me than I do. Which is why I will ALWAYS pass up guys like you on a dating site.

Attached is my photo. And no, I'm not easy, even for "hot guys", because I'm looking for someone that won't drag me through a hellish experience, and would much rather be single than to put up with THAT... from ANYONE.

 

[Autistamatic]

To add to the points raised by @rollerskate - I'm on the other side of the scale. I've never been "a hot guy". I'm quite average looking as plenty of you have seen, but I had a friend who was handy with a camera take a few good shots of me, wrote a profile that was honest, funny and emphasised my better points and I paid my subscription. I met quite a few women over the next few months, some of whom contacted me rather than I them, a couple of whom became friends and one even gave me a decent job. Then I met the woman who would later become my wife and we've been happily married for a decade.

Bear in mind that I was as autistic then as I am now (and less confident than too) and I was quite low on funds at the time. Even then at the age of 35 I had a physical disability (I have mobility problems and need a stick to get around), I wear specs and I had a little paunch (now a bit bigger that's what being happy does for you). Physically I was nobody's dream bloke but that didn't stop me getting dates with attractive, interesting women and I was far from celibate. The woman I met and married is a couple of years younger than me, is NT, is the most beautiful woman I know and is kind, intelligent, thoughtful and loyal.

If I hadn't forked out the modest sum for a membership I would never have met her or any of the other women I met before her. My first month I just browsed as a free member and no-one approached me, then on the second day of my paid membership 2 women approached me and 1 other responded to my message. I didn't know which way to turn.

On free sites and apps you get mainly people unwilling to make the effort. If you want to start meeting people YOU have to make the effort. Garbage in = garbage out. Pay for the membership, put together a good profile and for God's sake learn to respect women if you ever want one to respect and like you.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

If you can get dates and meet women on paid sites, then you can meet women and get dates on free sites (so sites with full functionality without paying). Autistamatic was using a paid site, so naturally he had no shot without paying. You cannot compare a free site versus being on trial mode on a paid site. I believe his story was also from a while ago so the whole thing was easier on guys. It's getting progressively harder.

If I wanted to give him advice on how to get laid I would've told him to use Tinder. The weird part about your response is that... you mentioned OKC a bunch of times. I think I was on that site years ago and it was totally free. So if you are so vehemently against free sites, then why does OKC get a free pass? If OKC works, then why on earth would he pay without having any real idea about online dating?

I also have no clue where you got the whole boneless meat thing from. Do I have to begin and end every post with "Praise women!" in order to not be accused of being a chauvinist pig? I mentioned facts because facts are what get the job done. A hot guy sending 100 likes will get 10+ replies. No messages or profile needed, just a good picture. I don't need to know if you personally will send that reply, because at least 10 other women will.

In a classic case of TMI, I've never had sex outside of a relationship. So where is my head exactly? You seemed to be insinuating something. Those types of comments tend to hit a brick wall when you fire them off at weirdo's like me.

To me you seem to be quite confrontational, with a meh major in Communications and zero understanding for what guys go through. Everything seems to revolve around you. Perhaps I am just really weird but that does not seem too good to be true at all.

Oh and since you are so eager to show off what a great catch you are:
What is your net worth?

 

[Autistamatic]

I assure you it was no easier then than now because I used to come across guys complaining of the exact same things on forums back then as I do now, whilst I was getting dates and meeting the woman I would marry. Many of them didn't listen then either.
Tinder didn't exist then but the free sites were just there for people looking to hook up and for swingers. I tried them first and they were just cattle markets full of cheap people and smalltime "escorts" who didn't tell guys they were actually a punter until they'd been hooked (yes guys complained about it all the time on forums and in chatrooms). Not the place to start a relationship and judging by the success rate I hear of these days from lonely people looking for love, little has changed. If you are serious about finding a rewarding relationship you put your money where your mouth is and make some effort to be a man a woman would want to meet.

The whole schtick about "hot guys" is just untrue. Most women I have known don't like preening, muscly extravagant guys because they are not a catch, they're usually narcissists. Real men are too busy building careers and bettering themselves to spend hours in the gym and in front of a mirror oiling their pecs. It's easy to convince oneself that not being "hot" enough, rich enough, ripped enough or not knowing the right "lines" is what's holding you back rather than accepting you're just doing it wrong. That's why there's millions being made by self-styled "players" taking advantage of lonely men by objectifying women as some conquest they can manipulate with lines and cheap psychological tricks like "negging".
It's not about looks or style, it's about substance, persistence and respect. If people come to this forum asking for advice but don't want to take pointers from people who have been there themselves but found a way out of it then it's no skin off my nose. We can only offer the advice. If it's ignored or argued with, well we tried...

 

[rollerskate]

If you can get dates and meet women on paid sites, then you can meet women and get dates on free sites (so sites with full functionality without paying). Autistamatic was using a paid site, so naturally he had no shot without paying. You cannot compare a free site versus being on trial mode on a paid site. I believe his story was also from a while ago so the whole thing was easier on guys. It's getting progressively harder.

If I wanted to give him advice on how to get laid I would've told him to use Tinder. The weird part about your response is that... you mentioned OKC a bunch of times. I think I was on that site years ago and it was totally free. So if you are so vehemently against free sites, then why does OKC get a free pass? If OKC works, then why on earth would he pay without having any real idea about online dating?

I also have no clue where you got the whole boneless meat thing from. Do I have to begin and end every post with "Praise women!" in order to not be accused of being a chauvinist pig? I mentioned facts because facts are what get the job done. A hot guy sending 100 likes will get 10+ replies. No messages or profile needed, just a good picture. I don't need to know if you personally will send that reply, because at least 10 other women will.

In a classic case of TMI, I've never had sex outside of a relationship. So where is my head exactly? You seemed to be insinuating something. Those types of comments tend to hit a brick wall when you fire them off at weirdo's like me.

To me you seem to be quite confrontational, with a meh major in Communications and zero understanding for what guys go through. Everything seems to revolve around you. Perhaps I am just really weird but that does not seem too good to be true at all.

Oh and since you are so eager to show off what a great catch you are:
What is your net worth?

Someone really does not understand quality vs. quantity, here.

Okc has both paid and free. Excuse me for thinking you were replying to my actual comments about Okc being a pay site, when that was literally the only site I recommended in the post you quoted.

Your comment, again, in response to MY post, that hot women being superficial was meant to be a compliment? And you're not a chauvinist for mansplaining "hot women" and online dating to one that specializes in relevant fields, without realizing it?

THIS is literally the reason I mostly keep my photos and profession OFF my public profiles. Makes it easier for me to see the bad apples when you don't have a face or anything else to judge me superficially by. The rest is just a poor attempt to save face, because you got owned. Trolling doesn't work on someone like me, after literally showing you're not someone whose personal opinions about me should matter to me even one iota. I do not need to prove anything to a blatant narcissist. Bye.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

People always complain. I've seen the change happen and in the beginning online dating was far less of a numbers game. Most messages got a reply, if only to say "Sorry not interested". I've been there for brief moments back then and recently, the change was shocking to say the least. Never had any of the issues you mentioned, although OKC when I used it was quite full of weird people... but you have those everywhere on the internet. I just avoided them. The local free site I used back in the day had pretty much only cool people.

"Hot guys" seem have a certain stigma attached. Usually bad personality and muscles. By hot I mostly mean a good face and height. Muscles matter less (is more of a type thing), but even then I've noticed a difference myself. I've gone from skinny to sorta-muscular back to skinny again. I've even had a fat moment ("I'm not fat, I'm bulking!"-situation, skinny guys that went to the gym know what I mean). When I was fat there was no female attention whatsoever. It was like an invisibility potion. Skinny I had the occasional flirting situation, being sorta-muscular I had women eyeing me and some that approached me.

Then the whole style thing: now being skinny and having much better dress sense I get approached in some rare situations. I'm older so obviously less physically appealing then 10 years ago, but even with that I would say it's a bit better then in my old skinny days.

When I went out with friends it was also quite clear from women's reactions that their height and attractiveness had an effect. The few guys I got to change their style and lose weight had a day and night difference based on how they were treated by women, but that was the only way to really change it.

But hey, if you don't believe me... make a profile with the picture of a really good looking guy and see if you notice any difference. Well it wouldn't work if you are really good looking in the first place

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I mean is dating sites are only way and no i am not paying for membership.

 

[Noelle]

I have come across a crisis in terms of meeting women.

I can meet women offline on the street, however they all are so trashy and low life i have no use for them because i am trying to get a long term relationship.

Any advice?

Maybe watch your language when talking about women you don't actually know. Just a bit of advice...