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Featured How-To meeting women online?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by OrdinaryCitizen, Dec 19, 2018.

  1. OrdinaryCitizen

    OrdinaryCitizen Well-Known Member

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    I have come across a crisis in terms of meeting women.

    Have tried all major dating websites for a month created profile uploaded my pictures and liked about 100 women on each website, i went for the most unattractive and down to earth looking women who dress simple or have no makeup or overweight.

    In one month i got zero likes back from either website.

    Only got few like 5 messages from women who are 15 years older than me (45-50) and some of whom are single mothers.

    I tried Craigslist "platonic relationship" section before they took it down to find that i get zero answers there either.

    So i come to a point where i have no effective way to meet women online.

    Now regarding offline. I can meet women offline on the street, however they all are so trashy and low life i have no use for them because i am trying to get a long term relationship.

    Any advice?
     
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  2. Loren

    Loren Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't know how you go about meeting people, online, but, perhaps, if you were to take part in an activity that suits you, you might meet people/ women you have things in common with/ would enjoy spending time with. For instance, I joined a hiking group. There are a few members who met their mates in the group. I, personally, did not join for that purpose, but, I have witnessed it happen.
     
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  3. Ginseng

    Ginseng Christian V.I.P Member

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    I agree with Loren. Join some type of Facebook group or local group in your area that is interested in the same things you are. what type of things are you interested in? Don't give up. There is someone out there just right for you. A please don't settle.
     
  4. Cactus

    Cactus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I met my wife on Match.com two years ago. I have a couple suggestions. First, in the profile photo of yourself- look happy. The most important thing is to be honest in your description. I had been in a psychologically abusive relationship for 18 years. When I wrote my profile, I knew the things I would not compromise on, e.g. the importance of my dogs. I made everything very clear so women could read it, and have the information they needed to decide whether to contact me. I wanted companionship, but I was not desperate to be in a relationship. If I read an interesting anecdote in a woman's profile, even if it was obvious we weren't compatible, I would make a friendly comment.

    Think of women as intelligent, independent individuals that do not need a relationship to make their lives complete, or to feel fulfilled. They're people, just like you. Treat them with respect.

    I never even came close to contacting 100 women, because I didn't find 100 women I was compatible with. You're not magnet fishing, just seeing what sticks to your magnet. Would you contact someone like that?
     
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  5. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    I've recently been doing some research into the whole incel phenomenon which I must admit has been quite disturbing at times. One theme I've come across many a time is this idea of approaching women you consider unattractive. It doesn't work any better for you.
    Everybody has their own idea of attractive and even men who lust after glamorous women can feel intimidated by them so approach women they consider in a similar league.
    When you factor in that many guys prefer older women, chubbier women, women who aren't obsessed with their looks you begin to realise that it doesn't matter about looks in online dating, all women get swamped with messages and a great many of them can be creepy.
    My wife runs several Instagram accounts. There are no photos of her on there. It states she is married, yet every day she gets several messages from (mainly American) men trying it on. They all claim to be M.D.s, Entrepreneurs (read dreamer/loser), CEOs, servicemen or veterans and "just want to get to know her". It's everywhere online.
    Proper online dating can work for you but perhaps you are going about it the wrong way.
    Forget about looks, think more about compatibility. Read their profiles to see if you have shared interests. Do they smoke or not, are they drinkers, are they highly social, do they like similar movies, books, even games as you? Find someone who sounds like a potential friend whether you think them attractive or not. It's what's inside that makes for a good relationship.
    I met my wife on Match 13 years ago and she didn't even have a profile pic, but she sounded like someone I could relate to. Turned out I was right, she was (and still is) beautiful and we've been married ten years now.
    If you find someone you like don't tell them all about yourself in your first message. Tell them a couple of positive things about you and ask a couple of questions about them.
    Use a little humour. Be courteous and respectful.
    That is tremendous advice!
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2018
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  6. Mattymatt

    Mattymatt Imperfectly Perfect

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    Age is but a number, @OrdinaryCitizen. I tend to attract older women and have mostly always dated women older than myself. I am 41 and I went out a few times with a woman that's 54. In the end, she decided to go back to her ex-husband but she left me with such grace, understanding, and kindness that we're still friends. She looks quite a bit younger than her physical age! Older often means more worldly and more experienced in life. I consider myself to be an "old soul." I relate better to women older than me. The hardest thing for me to do was to give up my "dating type." If I can offer some advice it would be for you to do the same. My type has always left me hurt, emasculated, or feeling one person down.
     
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  7. ftfipps

    ftfipps Well-Known Member

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    Online dating is very sad and depressing but It does work, just very, very infrequently. I have met one woman online in the past decade that was actually dateable. She was very chill and quiet which is what I prefer and she was really into me. I screwed that one up by being an alcoholic at the time. One of them was plain, had a low paying job and was basically barely staying afloat financially. She played a lot of games and had a sassy mouth. We got drunk at her apartment and she ended up calling her backup guy and telling him to come over and I was asked, by her, to leave before he got there. She was not attractive, interesting or entertaining. I met my last girlfriend on Plenty of Fish. She lived a couple hours away so I went down to visit and ended up living with her for three months. She turned out to have an opiate addiction and a criminal background! I see online dating as the bargain bin of the pool of potential suitors. There are good women on there but studies have found that as a male, you are at a disadvantage. The sad reality is, you need PHENOMINAL profile pictures to even get a response and even then there is no guarantees.
     
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  8. tlc

    tlc The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.

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    Did you just like them or did you actually contact them? Many people don't spend their time on likes. If you want a relationship, if you contact them you have better chances at getting contact back. I send a nice and sincere message and many times I get a not interested response, but it's an honest response which is what I wanted.

    Yes I find there are many single mothers out there who are simply looking for a home and income for herself and her kids. I'm not going down that road anymore, but I realize many of them have a tough time making ends meet.
     
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  9. Theta.G

    Theta.G Well-Known Member

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    For offline if you date a woman who is religious on average they have better moral character and standards. They can still be... not partnership material however the odds are slightly better in that demographic. I actually remember a series of videos that might help you with this, in a few moments i'll PM you the links
     
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  10. AloneNotLonely

    AloneNotLonely Well-Known Member

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    Never did the online stuff for long, but I think there's not much difference other than more competition and less guts needed (hence the extra competition).

    The "Women on the street are trashy and low life" did raise an eyebrow. Does that mean you live in a trashy/low life area? Or are you feigning them not being good enough for you in order to avoid having to approach?

    Think about the average woman's online experience. They sign up, put up a picture and they get like 500 messages a month or something crazy like that. Will you stand out? Even for "Meh" looking women, there's gonna be hot guys looking for a quick shag. Appearance wise most of us are not even going to make a dent. Your only shot is really to try to make a real connection, and you got 1 sentence to draw her attention, and probably 5 sentences or so (wall of text will not be read) to make a good enough connection where she's interested in replying to you rather than Hot as balls male model. Expect something like a 10% reply rate at best. Statistically speaking, older women are going to reply more, younger less. Even the less attractive younger women are going to have every guy and his dog messaging them.

    Obviously improving how you look/pictures are going to improve chances a lot. Gym + good clothes + good grooming. If you aren't good looking you are going to have a lot of trouble finding a woman regardless, and online is one of the worst situations in that regard.

    And don't think the overweight ones are easier. Haha. That is such a lie. I can't get an overweight woman to date me to save my life. You will probably attract a certain type of woman and that's where most of your chances lie and it takes a major style overhaul to change that. If you are only messaging certain types of women (despite being interested in others) you might be only messaging women which are just not the type of woman interested in your type of guy. It sounds like some mumbo jumbo, but that's my experience. It might just be because I'm a really weird type of guy, though.
     
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  11. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    Why are you aiming for women you find unattractive? Because you think they will be desperate, and thus easier? If so, you can give up that idea right now. Just because you don't find someone attractive doesn't mean other men won't, or that they aren't still inundated with messages.

    It sounds like you have just been 'liking' profiles, not messaging? That won't work, women on online dating sites tend to get a lot of attention (even the not conventionally attractive ones), there's no way they're going to bother responding to someone who can't even be bothered to send a message.

    Have an interesting profile, show that you have hobbies and give enough info for a woman to get an idea on if you might be compatible or not, in personality, interests, and what you wan from a relationship. Don't have one of those profiles with almost no info followed by "ask me anything!" it makes you look both boring and lazy. Have pictures where you look happy, and of you doing things related to your hobbies. Show that you are a well rounded person who cares enough to put a bit of effort into their profile.

    Send well thought out, not copy-pasta messages to women you find interesting. Show that you have read their profile, say a bit about yourself, mention things that you have in common, and make an effort of start a conversation by asking a thoughtful question or two (not an interrogation). Keep it short but informative. Don't start out by commenting on her looks.
     
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  12. OrdinaryCitizen

    OrdinaryCitizen Well-Known Member

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    All dating sites i used work in same way, cannot message anyone unless you "like their picture" first and they like you back, only then chat is enabled.
    Otherwise i have to pay for membership in order to message random people right away and even in that case in order to answer other person would have to buy membership as well.

    Thinking like this does not get you very far in life... but i will not voice my opinion here since this is feminist ruled forum and i dont need be blocked for my views.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2018
  13. OrdinaryCitizen

    OrdinaryCitizen Well-Known Member

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    I agree with this, my problem in Los Angeles there are many ethnic groups Chinese, Mexican, Jewish, Armenian, Russian, Filipino, Japanese etc and they are very segregated, many don't even speak good English because they can survive within their group talking native langugage.

    Went to few churches that speak English and never seen a single young women in there mostly 50+, young people in LA dont care about god they care about fast vibrant life that shown to them on TV.

    I been to Mexican churches and seen few girls my age and younger however they were with their parents and don't speak English this is the problem and they don't like strangers in their ethnic group.
     
  14. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    Thinking of people as people doesn't get you far in life? o_O Well you certainly won't get far in any sort of relationship if you don't...
     
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  15. Rexi

    Rexi uwu owo uwu SlightlyFilterless Atheist Science=<3 V.I.P Member

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    Most of the people a I've known [including autistic ppl] have met their online sweethearts in games. But many of them had a taste for playing with their hearts so be careful. I had a lot of bad online experiences and they still are the stuff of nightmares to me.

    Problem with religious people is they arent always good nor do what they read. In order to find a good religious person you will need to know theyre not just doing good things out of fear to go to hell but out of belief in good and ability to value the results of their actions, knowing psychology and understanding how relationships work is priceless too. Women who are religious can be quite submissive and there may arise the problem they may not speak out to their men, thats how the bible orders, in the old testament they are depicted as slaves to their men. If you're religious though you may get along better with someone who believes in a deity, generally speaking religious ppl have similar marriage dynamic preferences, even if its different deities they believe in. [except Buddhism which is fairly different neither does it have a deity, but is the most peaceful religion in the world, and Wiccan, which may put women first and have curses which is thought to be pagan by Christians].
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2018
  16. Rexi

    Rexi uwu owo uwu SlightlyFilterless Atheist Science=<3 V.I.P Member

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    By the way some countries in Asia may have widespread different beliefs about cheating than westerners, so make sure you're on common grounds.

    Also observe if behavior matches their words. They may say a lot of things, but do opposite consistently.
     
  17. Rexi

    Rexi uwu owo uwu SlightlyFilterless Atheist Science=<3 V.I.P Member

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    What makes you think that all the women you met in rl are trashy and lowlife? Are you sure its not because they joke about it or wrong impression?
     
  18. rollerskate

    rollerskate Sora De Lumina V.I.P Member

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    First of all - OkCupid, if you haven't tried it already.

    Second - good, smiling pic. It's okay if you seem awkward, as long as your eyes show gentleness. There are just too many scowlers, and I can't speak for everyone, but I avoid them because they often are - forgive my language - @holes. But if a guy is smiling, I look closer at his pic, and take note of what's in his eyes.

    Third - fill out your entire profile. And answer the questions. I skip over profiles that didn't answer questions, and are skimpy on telling me anything about the person that I might be able to use to initiate conversation.

    Fourth - when you message first, pick something out of her profile to ask a question about. This not only gets the conversation started, but it also stands out from all the generic hey how are you etc. messages, and shows them that you actually read their profile and are interested in getting to know them as a long term match and not just a conquest.

    Most of the other dating networks are filled with troll and prostitution style accounts. Okc is user moderated and often does a really good job at picking out the fakes.

    It also originally started as a social platform for weirdos (the good kind) to find other similar weirdos through fun quizzes and profile questions. A lot of that atmosphere still remains. It's more cerebral, so it attracts more cerebral types of people that are sick of the fakery and narcissism on the other dating sites.

    Finally - be realistic and qualitative, not quantitative. Seriously look for someone you think you would get along with, and realize that's not likely to happen overnight. Reduce your efforts to only focus on the women you REALLY like. Not just their looks, but their personality.
     
  19. rollerskate

    rollerskate Sora De Lumina V.I.P Member

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    Paying for membership is actually worth it so you can see people that liked you but didn't message. As well as paying for boosts to get your profile seen by more people.
     
  20. AloneNotLonely

    AloneNotLonely Well-Known Member

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    The whole paying thing is nonsense.

    Any guy that isn't good looking is going to find it nearly impossible to find a woman online. To put money into such a shot in the dark is a total waste. Either go for totally free sites, or put money towards clubs or even speed dating/singles events.

    A hot guy shouldn't pay either because you can easily get by with just "Likes" then.

    Even following all suggestions it's going to end up being a total numbers game, and you are not even guaranteed to get anything substantial out of it. Maybe you could end up (I assume you are 30?) with a pretty cute 40-something year old with a nice personality and that would be totally lucky. 30 year olds and younger are already predisposed to going for the "hot guys" and the sheer amount of messages they get further dilutes your chances.
     
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