How to make them stop worrying

[Aspie_rin]

Since learning about aspergers I've started to change a few things to make my life easier. One of them is to wear earplugs and sunglasses depending on the situation. However, my family and boyfriend are worried about this and think that it is a way of cutting myself from people, wich is not the case, I'm actually trying to have more energy so I could do more things like homework and job seeking (though I don't wear these when handing resumes and in interviews) and socialising (I only wear the earplugs when I'm socialising, and only with people who speak really loud). One example of that is when I play D&D with my boyfriend and his friends (whom I think I can consider my friends by now) and they were all talking loudly wich made me tired and made it difficult to participate, so I went in the bedroom to put on the earplugs and my boyfriend caught me putting them on, I tried to explain that I needed them but he wouldn't get it, and now he sometimes takes my hair away from my ears to see if I'm wearing them...

Now I only wear sunglasse where there's neon lights (like at college) because they make me feel tired and dizzy (I didn't knew I was feeilng like this because of the lights and never talked about this, so my mom thinks I'm making it up and that I should stop reading about autism...) The sun, etc are often painful (for only a second at a time) but I can manage that.

 

[ChrisN]

Hard to make people stop worrying. They need to realize you are doing this for you and nothing against them.
I have no idea of how to make family and BF realize that this is not about them but about you other than a frank discussion with them, as a group or one-on-one. You are different. So what? You are accepted by people who understand.

 

[nowwhat]

You can't control what people think. Attempts to do so, especially by socially-clueless aspies often have the opposite effect. Stand on your own two feet, live your life and accept the consequences of your decisions. This doesn't sound so great, but the alternative is to accept the consequences of decisions made for you, which is intolerable. You have to do what's best for you. And because you are unlike these others, you know better than they what that is.

 

[Suzanne]

Actions always speak louder. So basically, your behaviour will tell those who love you, whether you are cutting out human interaction or not.

The thing is: earphones always gives off a sort of: I am not interested. So, if you answer when spoken to and participate, they will soon see that your ear defenders are not a cause of alarm.

Sunglasses give the impression of hiding. That is why I love my sunglasses and actually hypaventilate if I have misplaced them. Love the sun, because it is an excuse to put them on.

Very few nts understand how bad things can be.

 

[OkRad]

This is EXACTLY what I am dealing with. I am going down that Autistic Rabbit Hole fast and people think I am losing my mind.

My family knows and they are OK but I am more concerned with people who knew me when I was passing as NT and now cannot and don't evenwant to.

Still, a few people I care about are getting hurt and I cannot stop it because they are not immediate family and I would have to reveal too much to them.

They have seenthis happening over a year, so they are tired of the ups and downs and don't uderstand them. I cannot tell them I have autism.

They will just have to get hurt, I guess. My cousin said, "They will get over it!" But I dfon't want to be that kind of person. F- the other guy, eh? No, that's not me and I don't want to be that way.

 

[WittyAspie]

Try your best to educate them. Encourage them to read a book or article that explains your need to operate differently. Misunderstandings from a lack of knowledge cause far too many issues in the world. I am sorry you are experiencing that as well. Those who care will take the time to understand you, even if it is difficult. It may take time though, so hang in there. Autism affects everyone, not just those who have it. That is why education about autism is so important.

 

[Mia]

One example of that is when I play D&D with my boyfriend and his friends (whom I think I can consider my friends by now) and they were all talking loudly wich made me tired and made it difficult to participate, so I went in the bedroom to put on the earplugs and my boyfriend caught me putting them on, I tried to explain that I needed them but he wouldn't get it, and now he sometimes takes my hair away from my ears to see if I'm wearing them...

Don't explain, you have every right to block your ears and cover your eyes if you find it too noisy or bright. If people don't like it, it's mainly because they want control of the situation. They want to tell you how you should be, don't listen to them.

People use adaptive aids all the time, as you have sensory difficulties do what is necessary to make your life better. People who wear hearing aids do that so they can hear better, loud noise bothers you, so you need to turn down the volume. People who want to stop you from doing so, want to control you, tell them to back off even if its scary to do so.

 

[nowwhat]

now he sometimes takes my hair away from my ears to see if I'm wearing them...

And what if you are? Are you telling me you need his permission to wear earplugs? No, no, no. That's not right. Give him what for if he doesn't like it.

 

[Aspie_rin]

Thank you all. And the worst of it is that if I get too tired to participate he complains about it too. UGH.... Last time was a lot of fun though

A lot of people are starting to think I'm going crazy and that learning about autism does me more harm than good. There's a lot of weird things I didn't do before that I do now, but it's to solve problems that were already there so I know everything is fine, but since I never talked about them they think I'm making them up

As for the earplugs and sunglasses, he's somewhat right when he says I protect myself too much from this world. At first I was wearing these almost all the time (it felt so great to finally have peace), but this made me even more sensitive when I didn't wear them... I guess the best is to use them only when I need to.

 

[Aspie_rin]

I also should tone it down in public, apparently it's giving me a bad reputation and this is making it harder to get a job... Damn I hate how restrictive and judgemental this society is!