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How to know when to stop

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by rcogspe, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. rcogspe

    rcogspe New Member

    Jul 12, 2019

    Long-time reader, first-time poster.

    I have a dilemma. I have found somebody online who I am very interested in. She is perfect in every way - we share the same hobbies, work in the same profession, and live within 50 kilometres or so.

    I've sent her a few messages to which she briefly responded to, and then sent her a message a few days ago asking how she was.

    I haven't heard anything since.

    Is it worth pursuing this, or should I stop? I have never been in a relationship and feel entirely uncomfortable, but as I said, she appears to be perfect in every way.

    Thank you in advance.
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  2. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

    Aug 11, 2018
    First of all, humans aren't perfect.
    I would send another message because she may not have seen the one you sent.
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jan 7, 2015
    I'd wait a while to see if she responds. Lack of responding can mean she isn't interested and you have to respect that. But after a few weeks it is probably ok to try once more in case she didn't see it as BraidedPony mentioned and/or indicate you still are interested. If she doesn't respond to that, stop trying and move on to something else.
    • Agree Agree x 7
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  4. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Sep 22, 2018
    Depending on the specifics of the "brief" messages already received, I'd say not to bother. It sounds like she was answering to be polite then stopped.

    But I know how you feel with feeling she is perfect, so I'm sorry.

    And "feeling" is a better word than "thinking," because we don't "think" people are perfect, since our rational minds know that isn't possible, but we still "feel" people are perfect sometimes.
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  5. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

    Jun 26, 2013
    It's okay to write two, maybe three messages. And they should be like a few days a part usually. Then, you can move on unless she actually responds again. If she does later, you can decide to respond back or wait.

    If you've spoken to her online for like a week or two and you don't feel like there is progress, you can ask if a person would be interested in chatting over the phone, video chat, and/or meeting in-person. If they don't respond or aren't interested, probably time to move on unless you don't mind being with someone who might be overly socially anxious or playing games with you.
  6. sisselcakes

    sisselcakes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Dec 27, 2015
    So, what did you ultimately decide to do? There are many reasons why she may not have written back. She may have lost her phone charger, she may have a lot of other issues going on, she may be ending another relationship and got into the online dating thing too soon.

    I have found online dating to be exhausting because it's superficial and people sometimes lack the common courtesy to be upfront. Having said that, I don't see any harm in trying to contact her one more time. Sadly, we women get a lot of bad dating advice from books and other media telling us to act in a way that will supposedly make us more attractive- like playing hard to get.

    If you don't try again, you won't know! :)