How to have more emotion and appear less formal when talking?

[Tired]

Apparently I don’t. Trying to smile and sound emotional feels so phony. Few of the people I disclosed my autism to were surprised. My deliberate smile looks like this.
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To me this looks like a tired smile, so you both look happy and tired.

 

[jsilver256]

Obviously, I can't speak for you. I have something called alexithymia. In essence, it means I don't know what my emotions are telling me. I also have an inability to connect with, bond with, or have feelings toward another person (except transiently under certain circumstances). Add to that socially non functional, because I cannot recognize body language, facial expression, innuendo or implied comments, or even intonation. Plus words seem to change meaning frequently, depending on context. All of this seems to be related to my autism. It is possible that you may have some of these problems as well, they are not unique, but apparently rare all at once in the same person. Take a good deep look at yourself. One thing I have learned is that smiling at the wrong time or situation is worse than not smiling at all. Likewise, the wrong facial expression can be worse than none at all. It took me a long time to really learn this.

Same here. I would personally not even try to "imitate" NTs.

 

[Hypnalis]

Same here. I would personally not even try to "imitate" NTs.

All that's necessary is to stay with the rather wide range of "NT-compliant" behaviors.

People notice exceptions.
So to seem NT-compliant you need to avoid being significantly non-compliant in any respect.
I've forgotten the details, but I think it's one of those things that happens faster than conscious thought.

We're hard-wired to identify and react to possibly dangerous differences. Even if society created rules rules to stop this, it would have no effect,

Think about clothing. Except for clothing intended to be annoying or very different. The acceptable range is huge.
But if you move in a way that's unusual enough everyone will notice instantly, and at a considerable distance.

There are a lot of things like that, where you can train yourself to become NT-compliant. Addressing each one is easy because the acceptable range is quite large.
But forget just one, and you're classified instantly as "different, potentially dangerous".

 

[Batmansbrotherspidey]

What is it you want out of these conversations?

I don't want to be disliked when conversing. I want to create a good impression of myself.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I like your smile. There’s a dab of something like regret or disappointment in it, but as a smile it’s just fine.

That was an attempt at an exaggerated smile. It literally hurt my face to do it. My resting face I'm told looks angry.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

That was an attempt at an exaggerated smile. It literally hurt my face to do it. My resting face I'm told looks angry.

Yes, that is the tension in it. Some people’s mouths do not easily smile. I still think it is a good smile.

 

[Aspychata]

If you want people to get your message, you may appear to come across the way they project. l don't believe it's faking anything, it's just trying to get thrm to pay attention to the message. But l also try to listen very carefully to what people say to understand them.

 

[Outdated]

Think about clothing. Except for clothing intended to be annoying or very different. The acceptable range is huge.

What's acceptable and what's not varies with different cultures too. In Australia we have a lot of quite warm weather and it's perfectly natural for us to walk around bare foot. I did the same myself just this morning, went to the supermarket for milk, bread and smokes, bare foot. That's quite normal here.

But I've seen reaction videos where people from colder climates look on at this in horror and disgust, to them wearing shoes is so normalised and expected that not wearing shoes is somehow considered rude or dirty.

 

[Cutesie]

For some reason people think I have a very nice smile. Even strangers comment on it. I smile often just to myself at something silly or funny. So I smile in many Publix places, or even sing under my breath and surprisingly people hear me and comment on it.

I don't know if you like this, but they may think that you are cute or childish. It could be a good thing; I'm certainly attracted to such people.

Is the smile that you're describing being done purposely, or do you smile naturally?

People also compliment my smile. In my case, when I choose to smile, it's the same as any NT's.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I don't want to be disliked when conversing. I want to create a good impression of myself.

Thank you, that makes sense From my own experience, I think the skill is to be comfortable with yourself during interactions. Trying to be what people want--or we think they want--can lead to small, momentary rewards, but is ultimately draining. And does not create real connection, goodwill, or experience.

If people think you're too formal, then maybe consider your audience. I tend to be more formal in my writing, or on an Autism message board where many of us communicate this way. But, I also adjust my vocabulary for different people in a way that will reach them, but that I'm happy with. I ask myself if the way I'm speaking will create more problems or help with the issue at hand.

 

[thejuice]

Sometimes ill do the biggest, phoniest, cheesiest grin for about 10 seconds to try and jump start my brain's one serotonin molecule ! It seems to wake things up. Rest, rinse and repeat.