How to get in a relationship when you do not like group events?

[Brian39WV]

Hello, my name is Brian. I am 38 and live in the United States. I will be blunt. Group activities and social events are just not for me. I am not really able to handle them at all anymore. That is ok. I do not miss them. My one problem is my biggest goal in life is to be in a relationship someday.

I guess my question is whether it is possible or not for someone like me to get into a romantic relationship even though I only like hanging out with people in a one-on-one situation. I am just not built for group events.

The only way I would ever meet a potential date is either online or on a dating app so that part is not an issue. I guess I am just hoping there are women out there who will be ok with me not being able to do group events.

 

[JayLapointe]

Hello, my name is Brian. I am 38 and live in the United States. I will be blunt. Group activities and social events are just not for me. I am not really able to handle them at all anymore. That is ok. I do not miss them. My one problem is my biggest goal in life is to be in a relationship someday.

I guess my question is whether it is possible or not for someone like me to get into a romantic relationship even though I only like hanging out with people in a one-on-one situation. I am just not built for group events.

The only way I would ever meet a potential date is either online or on a dating app so that part is not an issue. I guess I am just hoping there are women out there who will be ok with me not being able to do group events.

Oh it's certainly possible to date even if you don't like social activities. It does mean though that the pool of folks that would be a good fit for you will be reduced. Honestly though if you are up front about it from the start and you are patient you'll at the very least be able to find dates though the apps. I've also found that folks in general our age, late 30's/40's are calming down in life and don't want to go out and do group activities. More interested in the nest they've built.

 

[Brian39WV]

Oh it's certainly possible to date even if you don't like social activities. It does mean though that the pool of folks that would be a good fit for you will be reduced. Honestly though if you are up front about it from the start and you are patient you'll at the very least be able to find dates though the apps. I've also found that folks in general our age, late 30's/40's are calming down in life and don't want to go out and do group activities. More interested in the nest they've built.

Thanks, I guess here I am looking for someone on here or online, or on dating apps. I am just looking for someone who wants to get to know me and wants to let me get to know them. I really hope I can get the chance to start chatting with someone.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

Advice - Discussing other topics on other types of threads would help people see whether you and themselves seem to have potential for being compatible or not. Common interests, passions and hobbies and also common world views are significant factors in deciding whether to date someone or not.

 

[Poppy98]

I don't think a lack of group activity would be an issue--at least not that I forsee. I suppose down the line it could be challenging if they want you to meet their family, co-workers, friends, or anything. Having kids might also be a relevant topic, but probably not on the first date.

 

[Poppy98]

Thanks, I guess here I am looking for someone on here or online, or on dating apps. I am just looking for someone who wants to get to know me and wants to let me get to know them. I really hope I can get the chance to start chatting with someone.

Advice - Discussing other topics on other types of threads would help people see whether you and themselves seem to have potential for being compatible or not. Common interests, passions and hobbies and also common world views are significant factors in deciding whether to date someone or not.

(Not knowing what skills you do or do not yet have, I'll give general advice.) I agree with the advice above.

Dating is a little like hunting: you only get pursued if someone notices you and you've caught their interest.

In hunting, obviously, you don't want to be pursued, but in dating you do want to be pursued at least about half of the time.


And even though we're not in the Victorian era anymore, many of the rituals are still very similar.

If you come off subtly, you're more likely to succeed.







Finally, there's a musical that I was going to refer you to. (I can't remember the name of it. It might have been "once upon a mattress." Since I can't remember it, I'll just give the resolution.)
The fairy godmother tells the man courting the princess that when he had decided to make sure that a magic spell deferred to whatever the princess wanted, that he had discovered the key to a happy relationship; basically equality, respect and agency.

If you haven't worked on those skills in non-romantic relationships, I would strongly suggest developing those skills somewhere.

 

[TBRS1]

Do you have friends who have other friends who might introduce you to one of them?

Technically, this is "networking."

 

[Shevek]

I knew a great couple who had each given up on trying to find a partner. Then they both reached for the same volume in a book store, and kept talking.

 

[Hypnalis]

my biggest goal in life is to be in a relationship someday.

With or without children?

You're in a fairly good spot demographically if you don't want kids, but a difficult one if you do.

Regardless of your goals, this is probably the worst time in modern history to achieve your objective.
But on the plus side, it looks to me like the worst is over. If that's true, it will become obvious within the next two to five years, as the unreasonable expectations of the last decade unwind.

That's enough time to make yourself into a better "catch" if necessary.

 

[Judge]

I attended numerous adult education programs pertinent to photography I found to be enjoyable, with the least degree of social stress.

Guilty as charged. Half my intent to learn about photography. The other half to meet women. Funny to recall I had the impression that the instructor knew it...though he was an interesting and engaging personality too, making the whole thing worthwhile.

Eventually I did meet someone I had a relationship with for about six months. She was a much better amateur photographer than I was. She had such a clear- and instant sense of composition.

 

[AspieChris]

Advice:
Never settle for a person who wants more or less from life than you do. If you tried to force yourself into a group event just to meet someone, you’d most likely meet someone who enjoys group events. Then you would constantly be putting yourself back into that uncomfortable situation to make your partner happy.

Solution: Do as many things outside of your home as you can, but only things you can enjoy. And then say “hello” or “good morning” to everyone you meet. Things like church or the gym are great for starting a conversation, maybe leading to romance. You might meet someone who has a sibling that is just your type. And in the meantime, you have somewhere to go when you feel lonely.

Just be patient, then wait, then prey, then be patient and wait a little longer. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.

 

[Shamar]

Hello, my name is Brian. I am 38 and live in the United States. I will be blunt. Group activities and social events are just not for me. I am not really able to handle them at all anymore. That is ok. I do not miss them. My one problem is my biggest goal in life is to be in a relationship someday.

I guess my question is whether it is possible or not for someone like me to get into a romantic relationship even though I only like hanging out with people in a one-on-one situation. I am just not built for group events.

The only way I would ever meet a potential date is either online or on a dating app so that part is not an issue. I guess I am just hoping there are women out there who will be ok with me not being able to do group events.

You are new here, so I am going to reiterate once again. I am anthrophobic, and cannot go into crowded places, so large group activities are out. I can, and have, engaged in small group activities, like a hiking club. I could, occasionally, after a great deal of mentally bracing myself, actually engage in a bit of conversation. Actually, these were usually in the form of a short lecture or answering a question about local geology. Something social came out of it only once.