How to comfort someone who's just had bad news?

[glasgowryan]

Hi

My partner has just had some awful news with regards to a family member.

Due to my AS, I find it difficult to be of any real support when situations like this arise.

What makes it worse is that I do feel upset on the inside however my facial expressions or even how I react don't all align so to someone else it can make it look like there is no response or that I don't care.

How do others manage when you receive bad news or how do you's comfort family, friends or loved ones?

Thanks in Advance, Ryan.

 

[metalminx24]

I imagine your partner knows you well enough to recognise when you are trying to be supportive. Most (nice) people appreciate effort made for them, regardless of whether or not it conforms to "the norm". Give your partner credit, they wouldn't be with you if they didn't like the way you are.

That said, it's very great of you to want to do things differently. It's difficult to advise though, firstly because I consider myself to be pretty crap too (!) and secondly because everyone's different- I would say cuddles might help, but without knowing how you cope with physical contact OR whether your partner even likes that kind of thing it's just a proverbial stab in the dark...

I would just say- be available. I think lots of people feel better if they can just vent/cry/be angry and feel like someone's listening. And if your face doesn't portray your feelings, say them instead. (I don't underestimate how hard that can be, but words can be such a powerful tool that it's really worth trying).

Sincerely, I'm sad that you're both feeling unhappy. Treat yourselves to some chocolate, it doesn't solve problems but it's yummy. The very fact that you're asking for advice proves you're a great guy making real effort, which may be a comfort to your partner in itself.

 

[jayster]

Let your partner know that you are prepared to listen.
When she talks about it, concentrate hard and try to understand her emotions. These situations often bring a mixture of emotions; along with sadness or grief, we often feel guilty because we can't do more to help. Look for signs of that; if they are there, reassure her that she is doing all she can and should in the situation.
When times are bad, knowing that someone is there for you, is everything. All the best to you.

 

[Gordy]

Hi

My partner has just had some awful news with regards to a family member.

Due to my AS, I find it difficult to be of any real support when situations like this arise.

What makes it worse is that I do feel upset on the inside however my facial expressions or even how I react don't all align so to someone else it can make it look like there is no response or that I don't care.

How do others manage when you receive bad news or how do you's comfort family, friends or loved ones?

Thanks in Advance, Ryan.

Hello Ryan,
I am similar. I guess I just go round and say hello, offer to help if they need it. I stick to practical things, not emotional ones. I have learned to do this rather than doing it naturally.

My own dad died last week and we have the funeral on Monday. I just know I am going to smile inappropriately at some point during the day. I have spent the last week dealing with the practical things about arranging the funeral.

That works for me.

 

[AsperDragon]

I feel that nothing said in a time of tragedy makes a difference. Some people have the knack for commiserating with others. I do not. So i avoid commenting to people in their time of personal tragedy.

 

[peoplesrjames]

I'm in this situation. My roommate is going through a bad breakup and he was talking to me about it last night. I really did feel bad because it was a sucky situation, but all I could really do was nod and look down and just let him vent. I didn't know how to form the words to adequately describe how bad I felt for him so I said nothing.