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How to ask someone out?

D

Dwoops

Active Member
I’m going to keep this brief and to the point.
1. I’ve never dated anyone.
2. I don’t know anything about dating/asking someone out.
3. I met this girl at a university this summer who seems nice and is intelligent.
4. I think I may like her and want to get to know her better but don’t know what to do.
5. I don’t know much of her background beyond the little we have talked about, such as her wanting to go into dentistry and a little about her college experience.
6. I have forgotten her last name so I can’t look her up on Facebook.
7. I am not charismatic at all and a bit overweight so I don’t have good looks going for me at all.
8. I don’t know what to do or how to approach this.

I’ve read lots of accounts of people who are in relationships on this site, can anyone please give me some insight/help/advice?
It’d be great to get advice from neurotypical and neurodiverse people alike as while I don’t want to assume, odds are that she is neurotypical.

Currently my idea is to ask her if she wants to study together sometime after class or something, probably going to ask before a test so there is a higher likelihood she will accept.
 
Just ask her out. Maybe at the study thing get to talking about an interest of yours and see if she shares the interest. Maybe a favorite restaurant or a movie you both want to see. Good luck.
 
Other suggestions (the studying one is good) are to ask her out for coffee, or to see a movie or do some other social acitivity you both might enjoy.

If you want to be clear that you are romantically interested you may have to say so directly -- or maybe just ask something like "Would you like to go out with me/go on a date with me sometime?"
 
I just feel like asking out right seems kind of weird. There are 4 more weeks in the class so I have some time. I try to be her lab partner in lab, so that is helpful for getting us talking.
Also so I asked about the studying and unfortunately she was busy after the class, would it be weird to still ask to study even if there isn’t an exam for a while? It would probably imply that I’m a good student who studies a lot or that I want to do so to spend time with her.
It is so hard to tell how people interpret stuff.
 
Asking her for a date after the exam would be a better idea rather than asking if she wants to study together sometime after class.

Like, hey, we both aced the test! How about coffee? It's my treat..
 
Yeah, thanks for the advice.
We got a surprise hw assignment due tomorrow so she asked me if I wanted to work on it together. I said yeah and then during conversation she mentioned something about having a boyfriend :(
Bad luck I guess.
 
Dwoops said:
Yeah, thanks for the advice.
We got a surprise hw assignment due tomorrow so she asked me if I wanted to work on it together. I said yeah and then during conversation she mentioned something about having a boyfriend :(
Bad luck I guess.
Click to expand...

That really sucks man. Remember, only be her friend if YOU want to be. You are under no obligation and you don't have to help her with anything. Make sure, if working on an assignment that the benefit is mutual.

You are right that it is bad luck, but that doesn't mean you will have bad luck at every opportunity. If a GF is something you want then focus on creating that opportunity.

Having friends is great, and I am not saying to not be her friend, just to watch out for yourself and your effort. With this girl, even if she breaks up with her BF, you don't have a good chance. So enter the friendship with no romantic hopes..............then if she does become interested then you will know it; just don't expect it.

I've been there and know, basically, how you feel.
 
The whole dating thing can be a challenge. So a few moments of truth about me: I never asked a woman out in person, ever. Period. Waaay to much anxiety & not knowing what to do. Every single relationship, date, whatever, I have ever had was via dating websites or apps. Makes things a lot easier for me. Doing the messaging & then texting thing before meeting in person takes a lot of the edge off, you get to know each other a little bit, I personally find typing my responses to be a lot easier for me than trying to talk about myself. By the time we graduate to a phone conversation, its a lot easier for me at that point to ask her out. This is the pattern I have always followed & I have had 5 relationships to come out of it.

But in the end, just asking her if she wants to go out is probably the only way to do it. Just have to realize that being shot down does not devalue you as a person.
 
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