How much do looks really matter to women? And how much does personality (if at all)?

[Uri]

I know when you are a teenager looks can matter a lot because hormones are raging uncontrollably and stuff. Hormones are known to influence our behavior (and maybe even our personality) so that's why teenagers are so obsessed about good looks and stuff.

But when you leave teen age and finally become an adult, personality begins to matter more than when you are a teenager.

I read in some other forum that a man's looks matter more than many women are willing to admit.

So my question is: Is physical attraction between men and women entirely biological? (by biological I mean is it in our DNA) or is personality (personality can mean a man's cognition, intelligence, motivation and emotions) also important? Also how much of our personality is really biological and how much of our personality is really upbringing (is personality nature or nurture)?

Does biology, neuroscience and genetics also control our personality like it does our physical appearance (by physical appearance i mean your height, penis size, your facial bone structure, your skin texture etc etc) or is there more to it than just that?

 

[FilterFreq]

I tend to think it's different for everyone, and has more to do with what they value the most. For some it could be looks; for others it could be companionship. And for some (who I shudder for), it might be about finances.

Personally, I think nothing competes with good company, but that's just me.

 

[Tired]

Women are very same to men in that way. We do prefer pretty men to ugly ones, but from my 30 female colleagues, no one will like you just for your looks, if they find out, that you are an unpleasant person behind your looks. Many of them will give a head-start to pretty men, and they'll give you less interest, if you are ugly, but it will change ultra fast, once they see who you are behind those looks. And from those 30 women only a few, me included, will accept a man who has some mental and/or financial problems.
So looks is something, which is a good bonus, but in no way is it something which will be a huge factor to will the woman want to marry and have kids with you. Also all my colleagues have a good job and they are mostly smart and pretty, so this is why they expect the same from their partners.

 

[Uri]

Actually I think that financial motivations (becoming rich) are all that matters to the vast majority of people these days and those who say otherwise are being a bit dishonest here.

Personality is mostly a scam anyway.

Personality is probably just a heuristic we use to understand other people’s behavior and our own. You see our brain wants to be energy efficient, so it creates shortcuts. We don’t want to have to consider and analyze every time someone does something, so we decide on a theory about what their personality is like, and then we interpret everything through that lens. We decide other people are nice or mean, supportive or critical, or giving or selfish, and then we filter whatever they say or do accordingly.

Your thoughts come from a million sources—your parents, friends, society, your education, your work, what you read and these are all the random synaptic firings of your brain.

PERSONALITY DOESN'T EXIST - The School of New Feminist Thought

Your thoughts are not moral. They are just sentences in your brain. If your thoughts aren’t moral, and they cause your feelings and actions, then you don’t have a personality. All we are is just a collection of past thoughts, feelings, and actions. How freeing is that?

"Personality" is basically deviations from the average human baseline. Some people are funnier than others, some are more outgoing, some are more reserved, these are tiny deviations from the baseline. There's very little actual variety in the "personality pool". You'll meet the same archetypes in the playground as you do in High School and later, in the workplace.

Very few people are even close to unique and people who are actually unique are in mental institutions.

When describing other people, people tend to describe them as: funny, smart, shy, outgoing, kind. These words could be used to describe 8 billion people. Very few words to describe someone's entire being, and that's because personality really doesn't exist, it's not tangible, it's just a set of tendencies. We share 99.999% of our DNA with other humans so of course you're not going to see anything out of the ordinary. We never discover new personality traits in our day to day life. Everything is mapped out already.

Your FACE is your personality. Your face is actually tangible and it signal boosts these wave patterns in your "personality" and make them actually perceivable. A handsome boy growing up into a handsome man will always be perceived as outgoing and popular and that's what ultimate makes him that. Him just walking around, people will attribute a personality to him and even if he had qualities that were contrary to that image, such as eccentricity in some way, that will be deemed a quirk in the grand scheme of things.

Think of Fraternity Houses, they all have the same personalities. They're not in the fraternity because they have the same personality, it's because they all have the same face. FACE comes first.

Your FACE constrains and dictates your personality. You cannot walk around like you own the place if you're a Sub5, you have to fit a certain mold of being a jestermaxxer, a loner or a quiet kid. Confidence is out of bounds.

A good personality means = A good face through which some positive tendencies are signalled. The same positive tendencies coming through an ugly face can be perceived as negative.

"Just be yourself" is the worst advice ever as you all know. Your "self" is your FACE. If the human race for some reason all looked the same, then these small "personality" deviations would matter, but in reality everyone's on completely different starting spots from the get go.

In this individualistic society we all like to think of ourselves as so unique. "Well at least I'm funny", cope, there's 800 guys who look similar to you and who are just as funny in your small town alone. You're competing with them for the low hanging fruit.

Personality = SCAM. FACE = Reigns supreme.

 

[Tired]

Personality is mostly a scam anyway.

So you don't care about what woman likes, dislikes, how she behaves and why? You just care about her face and money?

 

[Mary Terry]

Actually I think that financial motivations (becoming rich) are all that matters to the vast majority of people these days and those who say otherwise are being a bit dishonest here.

Financial insecurity is the leading cause of anxiety, stress and depression in the USA. It's not that most people are trying to hook up with rich partners, but that they seek financial stability so they won't worry as much about paying their bills such as rent, car note, insurance, food, health care, etc.

 

[Uri]

So you don't care about what woman likes, dislikes, how she behaves and why? You just care about her face and money?

You completely ignored the point I was trying to make.

My point was that personality is a scam. You can never really know someone's personality because it's intangible and it's always changing. It can take many years to figure out someone's personality but it takes just 4 seconds to know if someone is attractive.

Also have you noticed that characters intended to be despicable are always made to be as ugly as possible.

For humans, someone's personality is always reflected in their appearance.

Humans will always treat beautiful people as more capable and kind and ugly people as cruel and guilty. It's called 'the halo effect'. Check it out.

People tend to have a just world fallacy to some degree too. Being ugly is bad, thus he must be a bad person thus 'deserving' those bad looks. It's a way of adhering justice in a world that has no morals at all.

Characters intended to be despicable are always made to be as ugly as possible.

Even when when the villain is attractive he is viewed as sympathetic. The only example I can think of of a sympathetic unattractive villain is the penguin from one of the old Batman movies. That's the only one I can think of.

So whenever someone talks about personality I know that it is just an acceptable way in a rational morality of saying that they despise the physical characteristics of a person or group, so I think that personality = looks.

 

[Tired]

My point was that personality is a scam. You can never really know someone's personality because it's intangible and it's always changing. It can take many years to figure out someone's personality but it takes just 4 seconds to know if someone is attractive.

Judging by your logic, we can never know our own personalities as well, because we ourselves are always changing (which is truth), but from being kind or funny no one will become evil and boring in just a few days. So yes, you very easily can see, who has what personality, and which people attract you or not by the way they behave. Of course they can show you their mask, the personality they made to just be liked, but that's a different topic, and we all do that to some extent, yet people still fall in love, marry etc.

Also have you noticed that characters intended to be despicable are always made to be as ugly as possible.

Yes, which works for cartoons. Same way they make female cats have long eyelashes, be pink and look prettier and behave more elegant, than male cats, for example. That's the way we show some things to mostly kids, so that they see difference.
As I said earlier, it works to some extent in real life, but it isn't the main factor.

 

[Tired]

You asked in your title, do looks mean that much for women. I answered you as a woman, who knows other women. I am not sure what point you are trying to make now.
Do women prefer prettier men? Yes, as do men. Do women prefer someone with money? Yes, as do men. Is it more important than personality (how person behaves, what they like/dislike etc)? No, not for those women I work with, and not for me. It's a full package, so to say. If you have everything - looks, money, personality - you are a winner. If not, accent those things you have, and try to work on those things you don't have.
Just don't expect, that pretty person will choose ugly person, rich person will choose poor person, smart person will choose stupid person etc. That can happen, but it's not often, because most people tend to search for a partner, who can give the same amount of things they can receive. Works for both men and women.

 

[Uri]

You asked in your title, do looks mean that much for women. I answered you as a woman, who knows other women. I am not sure what point you are trying to make now.
Do women prefer prettier men? Yes, as do men. Do women prefer someone with money? Yes, as do men. Is it more important than personality (how person behaves, what they like/dislike etc)? No, not for those women I work with, and not for me. It's a full package, so to say. If you have everything - looks, money, personality - you are a winner. If not, accent those things you have, and try to work on those things you don't have.
Just don't expect, that pretty person will choose ugly person, rich person will choose poor person, smart person will choose stupid person etc. That can happen, but it's not often, because most people tend to search for a partner, who can give the same amount of things they can receive. Works for both men and women.

What you wrote there is nonsense and you know it.

Also evidence shows that your genetics and your biology determines if you are a winner or loser in life.

People who have bad genetics also have very low IQ and also lower physical strength and also look less attractive than people with good genetics so actually it's all in the genes.

 

[Mary Terry]

What you wrote there is nonsense and you know it.

Also evidence shows that your genetics and your biology determines if you are a winner or loser in life.

People who have bad genetics also have very low IQ and also lower physical strength and also look less attractive than people with good genetics so actually it's all in the genes.

Your take on personality is weird, IMHO. Do you relate personality disorders like narcissism, borderline, histrionic and others to how pretty or ugly people are? That makes no sense in the real world.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Perhaps some scientific data to add to the conversation: Sex differences in sexual attraction for aesthetics, resources and personality across age

There are several factors at play here, and a lot has changed since the late 1960's when birth control became available, as well as how the feminist movement has evolved from the 1970's to the 1980's to the 2020's. There are "old school" feminists (Boomers and Gen X) and there are the "modern" feminists (Millenials and Gen Z), and the narratives women pass along to each other have changed. In response, the narratives that men pass along to each other have changed, as well.

Ever hear the saying, "There are people you have sex with and there are people you marry?" (paraphrasing) This is a relatively new concept, say from the time that birth control was put on the market. It is a part of that feminist movement that gave females the freedom and power to express their sexuality with multiple partners. Prior to that, many people didn't take risks like that. People could be attracted to each other, but due to the social stigma of out-of-wedlock relations and pregnancy, it was more of a social construct to "get to know each other" and/or wait until after marriage until having intercourse. I say this knowing the realities of teenage pregnancies back in the day. My parents were teenagers, but "made it work", and they never divorced. In general, overall, this was the mindset.

The biological or instinctual aspects of attractiveness have not changed through the millennia. We are all looking for the same basic things such as all the "indicators of physical health and fertility" in a potential mate. The same things that we see with animals competing for mates on those nature documentaries, happens with humans, as well. Initial attraction and acceptance is around physical attributes. This will get you as far as the initiation of a potential relationship.

Then there are the psychological and psychiatric components, personality, emotional control, self-discipline, intelligence, etc. that determine whether or not this person is going to be a good life partner.

I think where many people get frustrated with are these situations where a "nice person" has some sort of physical attribute(s) that make them "unattractive" and they never get to that first stage of someone actually wanting to initiate a personal relationship. "I'm a nice person, why can't I find a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

The opposite may occur, as well. The physically attractive individual who can always get the first date, even have many sexual partners, but nobody wants a long-term relationship with them. They likely have some sort of psychological or psychiatric component that makes it nearly impossible to maintain a long-term relationship. "I'm an attractive person, why can't I keep a boyfriend or girlfriend?" "Where have all the good men/women gone?"

If we look at some of the research data coming from the Tinder dating app, we begin to see some startling trends. This is where we see statistics like the top 5, 10, 20% of men are getting access to 95, 90, 80% of the women out there. The vast majority of men out there are completely invisible to women. Roughly 15% or so are actually physically attractive to women, 85% of men are not going to get a second look from a woman. Roughly 25-30% of men under 30 are virgins in 2024. 5% for women under 30. This suggests that some women are sharing the same men.

Then there is the delusional components where some young women are looking for "6's", (more than 6ft tall, 6 figure income, and 6in between the legs) which, in reality is LESS than 1% of males.

 

[Tired]

What you wrote there is nonsense and you know it.

Also evidence shows that your genetics and your biology determines if you are a winner or loser in life.

People who have bad genetics also have very low IQ and also lower physical strength and also look less attractive than people with good genetics so actually it's all in the genes.

What I know so far, is that you didn't actually come here in search for answers on those questions you asked in your title, but to give your own opinions. And because I don't share them, you are rudely dismissing what I wrote to you.
Either way, you confirmed what I meant earlier: you yourself could be extremely pretty and rich, but I now dislike your personality, so I'm not going to spend more of my time on you.

 

[TBRS1]

A person you like will always "look" more attractive than a person you don't like.

If somebody you think you hate seems very attractive, ask your psychologist to help you figure out what you're projecting and why so you can get over it.

 

[Judge]

Personally I threw away that "book" that decried that "looks matter", when I discovered that two opposing political strategists were actually married to each other. Where not only do their opposing politics not matter, but neither their looks relative to their relationship with one another.

Inspiring on so many levels. Which actually gives me hope for our species.

James Carville and Mary Matalin proving that anything is possible:

 

[Kayla55]

Women are very same to men in that way. We do prefer pretty men to ugly ones, but from my 30 female colleagues, no one will like you just for your looks, if they find out, that you are an unpleasant person behind your looks.

Absolutely, in thread years ago was discussion on alpha/beta male but so much more also delta/gamma
But what really was striking was having supportive partner and not guy who puts you down, underated a females project. A lot about companion, caring male. So true alpha male doesn't treat women with disregard, or act like bossy male-pig-head

 

[honeytoast]

>joins autism forum
>instantly writes incelbait

Is this a troll?

 

[Judge]

>joins autism forum
>instantly writes incelbait

Is this a troll?

Probably. While the forum does get people who may fit such a description, their numbers over the years has always been small. And they usually move on at some point.

Over the years....translating into eleven years for me to this day!

 

[Kayla55]

Not setting bully-rules. Some men create themselves more on skill and ability than looks and search very old thread.
When such person attacks others as brats it's becoming competition and duly upsetting both sides.

If guy is really talented in his own right, a woman may notice this as attractive force or feel he has confidence. Not really something you'd say to a woman, oh, I do XYZ and now demand sex. It's complicated to explain.
What I'm so sick of is every male in media with blond on side. Think Ethan hawks wife is peroxides, but still counting as blond.
Noticed Keanu Reeves sad story about what was not blond wife.... Even Macron French President has blond, I hate the media!!! I am slow media, heard about Elon musks child and I feel bad for judging his life experience, I don't think some news headlines are part of gossip.

 

[Hypnalis]

>joins autism forum
>instantly writes incelbait

Is this a troll?

It's neo-Marxist.

So it's the opposite to "incel" (which is arguably a fake attribution of causation to a small number of bad people).

Whatever the truth, the current "incel story" was created by a specific subset of neo-Marxists.