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How I do eye-contact

Occasionally people will tell me that I have great eye contact, but I think I compensate for my discomfort by fidgeting. The forehead suggestion sounds about right... I don't think people get as defensive when they notice you looking briefly at their foreheads instead of their eyes, but obviously this doesn't work with everyone.
 
King_Oni said:
Though on the entire topic of eyecontact, I'm not entire sure what to look for. I've looked people in the eye plenty of times but I just fail to feel a connection at all. So, the act by itself isn't the problem, it's actually the reasoning behind it that just leaves me a bit puzzled.
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Yeah, I guess that's the main issue. It's also probably why none of us are really sure we do it right, because we can't eye-contact intuitively.
 
Spinosaurus kin said:
Yeah, I guess that's the main issue. It's also probably why none of us are really sure we do it right, because we can't eye-contact intuitively.
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Heh, that's probably the big thing here. Doing things intuitively. Doing something for the purpose of doing seems a bit silly. Also; if I have to be "on guard" 24/7 to see if I do the correct things in a social context, it would make me highly paranoid and unable to actually be less tense. It would actually impair me from living a life out of fear of doing things the wrong way.
 
AmyB8484 said:
Me too, about the darting around! I actually DO have ADD, and I always figured it was from that. Do you happen to have ADD too?
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I'm like 40% sure that I do, I seem to be missing a lot of the traits, it's hard to tell whether the ones I do exhibit are from a bit of ADD or just aspie stuff.
 
The only time I look people in the eye for more than a second is when I am going to kiss them, so this thread is worth a lot for me. Lots of awesome advice here. I tend to be having a conversation with people and they will look over their shoulder like, "What's back there that you're staring at?" so this is super helpful. I tried it today, actually. Thank you!

Edited, because I wasn't done rambling: My issue w/ eye contact is twofold. For one, it feels too intimate. Like I said, the only time I look into someone's eyes is right before we kiss romantically so it feels like the preface to that. Second, if I am working on looking into their eyes, then I am unable to focus on their words and forced to ask them to repeat themselves. So if I really want to hear and digest what I am being told, I need to look away.
 
Aaahh!! my therapist was trying to teach me that. A 6 second rule for starters. Over the course of a week I was twitching. I provoked conflict and creeped people out. It was like in the Addams family movie when Wednesday Addams cracked a smile at camp. I'm taking a break from eye contact; 2 words "Prescription-Shades".
 
Last year I had no issues with eye contact at all. I would stare people right in the eye and talk - they would often fidget and look away from me though. Meh. I'm not so good with eye contact anymore, though.
 
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