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Featured How frequently do you ruminate about the things you have done wrong or wish you had not done at all?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimplyWandering, Sep 18, 2019.

  1. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    This might be trying to make friends, being accepted at work, relationships, etc. Rumination can also be obsession.
     
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  2. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I used to do this a lot, but I’ve learned not to do that too much. Now I just stress out about the future ;)
     
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  3. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    You mean some people don't?
     
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  4. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I feel like this implies it's possible to stop doing it...? :eek::p
     
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  5. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    Lots of people don’ t, but it isn’t strictly an autistic thing, those with anxiety and other conditions/disorders/diagnoses struggle the same way. What techniques do you utilize to avoid ruminating, if you do?
     
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  6. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    It helps to have a friend remind you that you are overthinking. I overthink things without realizing it, so having that reminder helps.
     
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  7. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Faith helps me.
     
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  8. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I feel like the end of each day, I spend time on things I wish I hadn't done or said during that day. I'm not busy doing something so it's hard to get this stuff out of my mind then. Or driving home from wherever, the thoughts of all the things I feel I did wrong and trying to analyze reactions of others. Or when I get off the phone. I guess anytime I've talked to someone I end up with regrets. Sometimes, even things I've written on here I wish I hadn't. Maybe that's one reason I enjoy being alone mostly - I'm not worried what I think of me. :)
     
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  9. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    how?
     
  10. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Well im a christian. I trust God to help me should something happen. Believe me i have and still mess up. Do things i shouldn't or say things i shouldn't. I get scared afaird of what i done or said. Then i tell him and trust he will make it alright. It really has helped me throughout life.
     
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  11. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm also a Christian, which was why I asked. Because I tend to carry guilt.
     
  12. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    You are not alone in that. But i was taught if you continue carrying the guilt. It means you dont believe God forgave you for it. It is the most difficult thing i have ever done. To let go and trust he will make it alright. I still forget and do it sometime. But eventually i learn it again.
     
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  13. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Still too often for my own good, I presume, although I'm working on a more positive overall outlook. After all, there's little sense in ruminating over your failings - it's much more productive to learn from them and grow as a person. I think that this realisation helped me to start to accept and leave these feelings of guilt and shame behind - that it doesn't mean I'm a permanent failure, that I can always improve and get better in all cases, be it personality, morality, empathy or ability. I can't always repair everything but I can always strive forward and, to be honest, I prefer it from hating myself for all the mistakes I've made.

    When I start to ruminate again, I try to breathe deeply, calm down, gently remind myself that it doesn't really help and then think logically about what is happening - what's the reason?, can I help it?, can I change the outcome? It helps to choose the course of action afterwards.
     
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  14. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Flip ruminating into brainstorming. So l am ruminating about said interaction, what can l do instead if there is a next time. So it falls into exactly @onlything is saying, l am just putting a positive spin on it since l am particularly influnced by words.
     
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  15. Kyou Nukui

    Kyou Nukui music is amazing

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    I ruminate after any social interaction, sometimes repeatedly, daily for a week, weekly for a month, monthly for a year, and then infrequently for the rest of my life.
    Depending on how badly I thought it went.
     
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  16. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Pats, you need to stop turning to guilt. I have always thought that guilt was the result of intended evil, knowingly acted upon with harmful consequences. I have trouble imagining you doing such a thing. We all make human mistakes, and I know I have made "boo boos", made an inappropriate comment, innocently, and I have wished I had been kinder or more patient in certain situations. Other people do the same, some with no remorse or concern on any level.

    We forgive others more easily than we forgive ourselves. If you want to try the Catholic route, go to confession, do penance, and refrain for making the same mistakes. It's like a "guilt carwash". But a carwash only lasts so long before you need another one.

    I think Wolf Prince's advice is to bring humility upon yourself, ask God for guidance and forgiveness, then pick yourself up and go about your life. Either system has its merits. It's funny that we like to count our sins, but we never count our acts of virtue.
     
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  17. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Thanks @Peter Morrison and @Wolf Prince .
    Wolf Prince, I have also heard that said and try to remind myself of it when I start loading myself down with guilt. I'm even pretty sure I know why I have a hard time forgiving myself - because I always had this picture in my head growing up that God was like my dad (earthly father), just waiting for me to goof up. And I know I'm much easier on everyone else. And I like the car wash comparison. I AM getting a little better at forgiving myself, but still difficult.
    Kinda funny story - I had a sister in law that would ask a favor and I'd gladly show up to take her where ever and every single time, I'd find out that it also included all these other things she failed to mention so by the time I'd get her home I'd be ready to scream. I told my sister once that it was going to keep coming until I got it right. lol (No, never succeeded with that one - finally just moved away).
     
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  18. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    All. The. Time.

    Sometimes hours, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months. Sometimes it keeps coming back for years. It depends on what happened, how bad it was, what the effects are.
     
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  19. oregano

    oregano ...and the sky is a hazy shade of winter...

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    Lately I've been thinking a lot about high school and all the dumb/bad things I said/did, and the way I treated people. I actually went to my 10 year reunion in 2004 (well 11 year, I graduated in 1993 but the class only was able to get the money together to hold it a year too late) so I could apologize, but nobody accepted it, so I tried to move past it. I largely have, by no means am I Chris Chan with a wall full of drawings of "gal pals" and a high school made of legos, but the sadness still pops up from time to time. I hope that once I'm up north and away from my past for good that my thoughts will go away. My mom really wants to sell the house because it reminds her of her husband (my father) and the past, but she can't because I would have no place to live. I hope that when I'm on my own land that she can finally move into senior living, maybe in one of the senior living high rises downtown, and finally sell.
     
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  20. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I became a terrible ruminator for years. But I've been working with a therapist this year to try and overcome that and I'm finding now that I have 'more' control over it. Not total control, but more. To be clear the thoughts still come up regularly but I spend less time on them now before I move myself on to something more productive.
     
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