How does it feel to be a Aspie?

[Mell_B]

Lately, in a word... Tiresome... [emoji20]

Don't get me wrong, I love my overactive brain [emoji170]; but sometimes, I wish I didn't have to make such an effort to say the "right" thing to avoid hurting someone's feelings...

That's actually the reason I'm joining this chat... I need a safe haven to share my thoughts; a place where people will simply accept what I write for face value instead of muddying it up with "feelings".

I bet I just sounded like a jerk, huh? (I'm used to asking! [emoji4])

 

[Nitro]

I told her about AspiesCentral and how she could learn about the personalities of AS. I think this could help.

She doesn't need exposed to my autie "personality"

 

[gonz]

That is like telling someone who is color blind to try harder to discern colors. Maybe if the NT were told this, and he/she actually cared about you, that person might develop a glimmer of understanding.

I know there are people like that out in the world, people who are willing to try to understand and accomodate differences. I've known a few of them over the years, and they're pretty great.

Unfortunately, none of those people are in my family. Haven't even told them about my diagnosis; in their minds I'd go from "weird" to "defective."

Best thing is to just keep doing what I'm doing. A strained, one-way, relationship with them is still better than none at all. It just sucks and sometimes I need to ***** about it is all.

Edit: As for the original question; it's kind of like getting a big box in the mail labelled "Social Interaction (assembly required)." So you take out all the pieces and you try to figure out how they all fit together, but they just won't. So you dig around and you find the instructions, only they're in ****ing Korean. So you take a year or two and you learn Korean, and you get back to it only to figure out that the whole reason it wouldn't fit together in the first place is because you're missing half the nuts and bolts. So you bust out the duct tape and the baling wire and do the best you can, but you end up with something that looks like **** and falls apart whenever you try to use it.

And that's without even getting into the sensory sensitivities, or the weird obsessions.

 

[Progster]

It just feels like... being me!

Sitting alone watching TV. I'm on one side, and the rest of the world on the other side of the screen.

 

[artfull dodger]

I have to agree with the "alone" statement. Even when I am out with the couple friends I have, or even in my relationship I still feel alone most all of the time. Like nobody "gets" me or is willing to try and connect with me. Dodger

 

[clg114]

I know there are people like that out in the world, people who are willing to try to understand and accomodate differences. I've known a few of them over the years, and they're pretty great.

Unfortunately, none of those people are in my family. Haven't even told them about my diagnosis; in their minds I'd go from "weird" to "defective."

Best thing is to just keep doing what I'm doing. A strained, one-way, relationship with them is still better than none at all. It just sucks and sometimes I need to ***** about it is all.

Edit: As for the original question; it's kind of like getting a big box in the mail labelled "Social Interaction (assembly required)." So you take out all the pieces and you try to figure out how they all fit together, but they just won't. So you dig around and you find the instructions, only they're in ****ing Korean. So you take a year or two and you learn Korean, and you get back to it only to figure out that the whole reason it wouldn't fit together in the first place is because you're missing half the nuts and bolts. So you bust out the duct tape and the baling wire and do the best you can, but you end up with something that looks like **** and falls apart whenever you try to use it.

And that's without even getting into the sensory sensitivities, or the weird obsessions.

It is a little different for me, my family knows that I'm a Aspie. They don't understand, but they accept. Everyone else I know just thinks of me as that old, weird smart guy. I do not tell people because it has been my experience that they ether will not or can not understand. I think that the only NTs that I have meet who even tried to understand are my wife and now, my daughter

I agree with you about just keep on doing what your doing. I have been doing that for almost seventy years. At this point in my life the social issues are the only thing that bother me at all. And that doesn't bother me much. I'm used to my sensory issues and I like my weird obsessions. I think Warmheart has it right, awesome and challenging. There is nothing like a good challenge to spice things up.

 

[piney13]

To explain something you need a comparison...
As an aspie I do not know what it feels like to be an NT
I know how I am made to feel....I don't fit in

 

[Mark August]

My youngest grand daughter has a lot of Aspie traits that I've seen for several years. She started school this last year and had some problems. The consular at school has suggested that she might have Aspergers Syndrome. Her parents are trying to get a diagnosis for her. Since the school has said something, I have had a few discussions about AS with our daughter. Like all NTs, she is having trouble understanding what this is all about. One of the things that I have been asked is "How does it feel to be a Aspie?". I explained how it is for me and how it has been in the past for me. However, how it is or was for me is probably very different from other Aspies. So this poses a good question. How does it feel to be a Aspie?

Lonely

 

[piney13]

It’s kind of like asking if everyone tastes the same thing when they eat tomatoes – ultimately unknowable

 

[tree]

"How does it feel to be an Aspie?" seems to me
to be a non-relevant question. If the question
were "What do you think about being an Aspie?"
there would be potential for discussion.

 

[Dee317]

My youngest grand daughter has a lot of Aspie traits that I've seen for several years. She started school this last year and had some problems. The consular at school has suggested that she might have Aspergers Syndrome. Her parents are trying to get a diagnosis for her. Since the school has said something, I have had a few discussions about AS with our daughter. Like all NTs, she is having trouble understanding what this is all about. One of the things that I have been asked is "How does it feel to be a Aspie?". I explained how it is for me and how it has been in the past for me. However, how it is or was for me is probably very different from other Aspies. So this poses a good question. How does it feel to be a Aspie?

My 7 year old daughter was diagnosed in November, I then figured out that I am as well. My life suddenly makes so much sense. For both of us it's hard to be in noise, if we are we cannot stay still. We cannot focus. We cannot focus on 1 person speaking, everything it just well, crazy. As a student, we both get overwhelmed with perfection anxiety. The obsessive need to know that it is all done correctly, but there is a chance that it's NOT!! Escape, avoid, escape, avoid!! And that's all happening while there are 25 other sets of eyes on you, with each of those bodies comes a set of their own annoying sounds. I was often told to leave and sit in the hall. My daughter resorts to screaming uncontrollably while hiding under her desk. Home is the safe place, we can suck our thumbs, talk about animals, talk to the pets, and even be the pets if that's what we decide we want to escape into for fun. Once there are plans it's this constant doom, for me it sounds like a million thoughts rattling in my head. "OK WE ALL HAVE TO BE READY, LOOK NORMAL, MAKE SURE WE DON'T SMELL, DRESS APPROPRIATE FOR THE WEATHER, IS IT SUNNY? I NEED SUNBLOCK, OH SUNGLASSES OR MY EYES ARE GOING TO HURT, OH HER SUNGLASSES SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE A MELTDOWN THE SECOND WE WALK OUT THE DOOR......I HAVE TO GET HER READY. UGH SHE'S GOING TO MELTDOWN AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO MELT DOWN, PACK THIS BAG WITH EVERY IMAGINABLE THING I MAY NEED IN THAT WORLD OUTSIDE MY DOOR. I CAN'T DO THIS." This is not fun for either of us because in her head she hears- "WHERE ARE WE GOING?! HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL BE THERE, WILL THERE BE SCARY SOUNDS IN THEIR BATHROOM? THE LOUD TOILETS ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO EAT ME. IS THERE GUM IN THE CAR, I HOPE DADDY DIDN'T FORGET THAT I LIKE TO CHEW GUM IN THE CAR!!! MOMMY WANTS ME TO PUT SOCKS ON, I HATE SOCKS, AHHHHH THEY NEVER FEEEEEL RIGHT!!! THESTRINGS THEY NEVER FEEL RIGHT! WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO TORTURE ME? NOW SHOES? I CAN'T FIND MY SHOES!! IT'S TOO HARD I JUST CAN'T DO IT! I NEED MY BUNNY, THERE IT IS!" she will follow that by sucking her thumb, rubbing bunny on her nose and letting her eyes roll back. As for me, I'm jealous of her for being able to sensory regulate because the hell she just raised is enough to put both of us into the nut house. Now I need to go put on my pretty blue trench coat, as to not be made out by the world of NTS who will judge me for my daughters behavoir. My cloak of chameleon, 1000s of makeup and fashion videos on YouTube, and constantly telling myself to breath normal, speak normal, and not sit with knees to my chest, later and I pass as socially acceptable. If only they knew that their constant clicking of the pen is driving me insane. If they only knew that I am home all the time, don't drive, and suck my thumb at 32. If they only knew that the little girl eating rocksalt off the ground was once the very person they are talking to so normally. By the end of it all I just want to be home, back into my self education, aspiecentral, pinterest, with messy hair, no makeup, and the same clothes for 3 days. That's how it feels to us.

 

[Dee317]

Lately, in a word... Tiresome... [emoji20]

Don't get me wrong, I love my overactive brain [emoji170]; but sometimes, I wish I didn't have to make such an effort to say the "right" thing to avoid hurting someone's feelings...

That's actually the reason I'm joining this chat... I need a safe haven to share my thoughts; a place where people will simply accept what I write for face value instead of muddying it up with "feelings".

I bet I just sounded like a jerk, huh? (I'm used to asking! [emoji4])

I accept u

 

[Cinnamon115]

This reminds me of a quote from my favorite book. "I cannot tell you what it is like to be blind. I can only tell you what it is like to be me."

 

[tree]

This reminds me of a quote from my favorite book. "I cannot tell you what it is like to be blind. I can only tell you what it is like to be me."

What book is that?
I looked but couldn't find a source
for the quotation.

 

[Cinnamon115]

When Christ and His Saints Slept by Sharon Kay Penman

 

[FreeDiver]

I've been asked that question and have found it difficult to answer. It would be like asking an NT, "How does it feel to be an NT?", or anybody about something that they have been their entire life.
View attachment 24783

It's all a matter of "External Observation". Think about this for a moment. Imagine that you are blind, and have been blind from birth. So you have absolutely no comprehension of what light is. So imagine growing up, learning the language and listening to conversions of other people. You start to hear words like "look","light" and "color", And even though you will never know the true meaning to these words. Somewhere in the dictionary of you mind. you've assign some definition to those words. Now bringing "External Observation" back into the equation here, You may start to notice that the meaning(definition) of these word will change all the time, and not be consistent. Here is an examples you might run into.

1) You're in a room. Someone says "turn on the lights". you hear the other person walk over to the switch, they flip the switch and you hear the click. The all of a sudden, you hear the hum of the ballasts in the lights. You've now assign the meaning of the word "light" to the humming sound of the ballasts.

2) Next, you go outside on a sunny day and someone says "look how bright the light is", and points your face in the direction of the sun and you feel the warmth of the sun on your face. You've just now (re)assign the meaning of word "light" to the warm feeling on your face.

As you can see from this example. The meaning of the word "light" will just continue to be more and more convoluted. But because you're blind, you can never know the true meaning of that word.

Just like a man will never know what it's like to be in a woman's body and vise-versa. The only way we know that there is a difference is through "External or Indirect Observation".

 

[Astroganga]

I have always felt 'normal' being who I am because I don't know any other way of feeling or thinking.

 

[danielcollins]

Like your in a school of red fish, and your blue.

And you sometimes forget you're blue, tag a long with the red ones - feel like you're part of the group. Then something happens that distinctly reminds you that you're not red.

 

[Dee317]

something like this

 

[Crossbreed]

I feel like an alien. Like I belong to a different species, or perhaps a different physical universe altogether.

Our bodies still work in a predictable fashion,* so it's probably more like having a Linux OS in a Windows world...

*Expanded: we create fertile young when we mate with them, so... same species!

(Maybe we are a subspecies, like Homo sapiens aspergerianus...?)