How does eye contact 'feel" for you.

[Mr Allen]

I didn't even know about the no eye contact issue until some woman who was interviewing me for Remploy in 2007 delighted in pointing it out.

 

[clg114]

I've noticed that people think that you aren't listening if you don't give eye contact. Ironic, because if I don't give eye contact, I find it uncomfortable and difficult to concentrate and don't listen. I can concentrate far better without eye contact. Also, if people think that you aren't listening, they poke or touch you to catch your attention, which is also unpleasant, so it's best to try and give some eye contact.

I agree, people seem to think that you are not listening if you do not make eye contact. Making eye contact does not bother me, I just do not do it unless I think about it. If I am having a important conversation with someone (my wife or a customer), I make it a point to look them in the eyes. Just for their sake.

 

[interaural]

I find eye contact generally uncomfortable, often just distracting, sometimes inappropriately intimate - like it can be hard to get them out of my head. Before I was diagnosed, I noticed that my eye contact was awkward and that people around me had got used to me staring off into space when talking or listening. If I'm having to think or listen carefully then I can't really do eye contact at the same time.

I used to think this was one of those things about not wanting to multitask, coupled with having to script non-verbal interaction. But eye contact does feel weird and often unpleasant in a way that no other body language does. I don't know of any research that offers a convincing explanation for this.

 

[Ylva]

Like the other person is literally touching my eyes. When it's forced it's painful, but when it's consensual it's fine.

 

[xyzzy]

Ugh...I hate making eye contact; it's so uncomfortable. I can't even look at a picture of a person in the eye. There's something about the human face that I can't focus on, no matter what.

 

[Progster]

I can't even look at a picture of a person in the eye.

The new Arena album cover is extremely uncomfortable to look at (I will post a link rather than pasting it into the thread because I don't want to spook people).
ARENA - Double Vision (2018)

 

[SplendidSnail]

The new Arena album cover is extremely uncomfortable to look at (I will post a link rather than pasting it into the thread because I don't want to spook people).
ARENA - Double Vision (2018)

Wow, is it ever.

That said, I think it's more because of the weird double vision that you feel like I when looking at it than because of the eyes.

My eyes constantly try to adjust to correct it and can't, and I think I'd quickly get a headache if I tried to look at it for long.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

It's hard to describe.

It feels wrong, distracting, and kind of overpowering. It'd difficult to focus on anything else if I'm looking someone in the eyes. Definitely makes me want to look away.

And yet, until I found out I had ASD a year ago, I didn't even realise that this wasn't the case for everyone. I thought everyone only looked people in the eyes for a second or less, then had to look away.

Since I found out I have ASD, I've paid attention and noticed that other people, if having a deep conversation, stare each other in the eyes the whole time. I couldn't do that.

Im just gonna copy that because damn I could write the exact same thing omg this is amazing; ( when i have a doublt about my asd reading nails it well)

I would ad that I have a tendency to look away when someone look at me in the eye, it sure make me look like some coward i guess. Holding it is possible but realy feels uncomfortable and distracting or sometimes stressfull.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I am not comfortable with eye contact and it feels too intimate. I think all eye contact consists of movement in and out of contact actually, but so called normality seems to involve more contact than not. I can fake it somewhat but don't enjoy it.

 

[ECM2018]

It's like that machine at the eye doctor where they puff air into your eyes for a second, looking at someone's eyes feels like the moments right before when you're anticipating that puff of air going into your eye. Incredibly uncomfortable. And I agree that it's like looking way too close at someone's core being, like an intrusion. I've also learned to make a little eye contact, but it's a very conscious effort. I don't try too hard because being awkward about it can make other people uncomfortable too. I never stare too long into someone's eyes, because yes it is distracting and hard to focus.

 

[LadyBird84]

I don't like it. I prefer to go without it unless I know the person very well and even then I won't make a lot of it. (Just regular 'checks' to see if I've missed any information up until that point in the conversation.) It kind of feels like the person is shooting daggers at me through their eyes or something? I dunno. I can't explain. The longer it continues the more uncomfortable it feels.

In work situations I will (try to) fake it when I feel it's necessary.

 

[Pondering]

Eye contact comes to me naturally, and it's often simply a matter of knowing when to look away. However, I do find it more uncomfortable to make eye contact with a person who is significantly taller than me and/or has louder, colder, and more intense energy than I can handle. It doesn't matter how well I know them.

 

[SplendidSnail]

I am really rather unclear about what "normal" eye contact amounts to, in fact. What percentage of the time, when two NTs are talking to each other, would they be engaging in eye-to-eye contact, I wonder?

From my observation, it seems to vary a lot. Definitely if two NTs a having a deep conversion, they will stare into each other's eyes the whole time. But for something more casual, it seems to be more in and out. If there's something else that they have reason to focus on, they will have the entire conversion without looking at each other at all.

 

[Mary Anne]

I am really rather unclear about what "normal" eye contact amounts to, in fact. What percentage of the time, when two NTs are talking to each other, would they be engaging in eye-to-eye contact, I wonder?

It depends on the situation. If one is at a job interview, or having dinner with an old friend not seen in a long time...it would be the entire time.

 

[Lichi]

I’m so uncomfortable with eye contact. The only time I will look in to a person’s eyes is if I’m trying not to look at something else that has caught my attention, perhaps an open fly, a stained shirt, etc. and that is sooo painful to me to do.

I always had a problem with that. If I somehow tried to change that to seem more sincere people told me I looked upset. I was always aware of this, in fact my psychologist thought for the past 5 years it was some kind of a paranoia that made me like that.

 

[Progster]

Do NTs really look at each other the whole time, non-stop, when they have a conversation? When I watch them talking, they seem to look in all directions, and only sometimes at the other person's eyes. I never really paid much attention to eye contact until learning about Asperger's, because I always thought that interaction was all about the conversation, but apparently not, eye contact is important to people. As I mentioned earlier, they think that you aren't listening if you don't make eye contact. If I were to look a person in the eyes all the time, wouldn't that be staring?

 

[AO1501]

Eye contact is very problematic for me, and I can only manage it for a second or two, when at all. When it happens, it is really uncomfortable, like a pressure in my head, and the longer the contact remains, the more that pressure grows.

It doesn't matter who the person is - I have the same issue with my SO as I do with virtual strangers.

In situations where I am forced to make eye contact, such as meetings or interviews, I keep it to an absolute minimum, move from person to person, and hope the pressure isn't too great. But it was largely having to make eye contact in my annual review last year that caused the meltdown in the middle of it!

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I have a very difficult time making eye contact unless I remind myself and force myself to. At that point I can do it but this produces a strange result.

First scenario, I do what comes naturally and keep my eyes directed elsewhere and the other person imagines me to be dishonest. Second scenario, I maintain eye contact and feel dishonest even though I'm not really lying, just not being myself. There is no actual dishonesty in either case.

 

[Mary Anne]

I am surprised at all the comments here, as I never realized it was a problem with people. I have luckily never had a problem with eye contact. I use eye contact as one of my top assessment tools. I am also guilty of “judging” others not engaging in it. Thanks for educating me. Eye contact is extremely important through my daily personal and work life minute by minute. I often probably stare too much at people and if they have “kind” eyes, or beautiful eyes, I will tell them so!

On job interview you will be judged for not having it. If you have a customer service job, it’s super important to have eye contact. For dealing with police it’s extremely important to have eye contact. For dealing with doctors, or therapists, you are assessed for lack of it. Words - or the content there of- are not the only things people are judged by. Eye contact and body language are important communications.

There so many things that are negative “judgements” when one does not have eye contact...liars, thieves, criminals, shyness, unsocial, hiding something, unfriendly, snobbishness, socialpath, crazy, rude, etc. People communitcate hate, disgust, pity, and admonishment with eye contact.

I am sorry for using these triggering words. I know it will upset some, who do not have ability to utilize eye content. Some good things of eye contact can be: love, acceptance. These are totally wonderful things to view in others eyes.

 

[Streetwise]

Hi all, I hope I'm not repeating this. I'd like to hear from anyone willing to share what their inner experiences are when making eye contact. I learned at an early age that I needed to do it for survival. I've had some particular symptoms that we believed were related to my complex PTSD. However, since my psychiatrist discussed exploring ASD, I've been practising limiting my eye contact and have experienced a very significant decrease in the painful symptoms. These are a type of painful arousal (not sexual) that I'm completely unable to self-soothe, and must just allow to settle in their own time. I've also been trying to observe what I'm observing in people's eyes that is sk uncomfortable and painful to experience. I'm extremely new to this (only 2 weeks since my shrink led me to it).

Would anyone please share their experiences? Cheers Mark

panic 90% of the time ,nice 10% of the time