How do you get into a relationship?

[nope]

I feel that I've met the person I'll have my first real romantic relationship with, but I don't know the steps to get there. I remember in high school people would suddenly couple up but I don't know the conversations that took people between them before they became official. Later, when I was hanging out on forums too much, I noticed members who were noticeably interested in each other would meet in person and--boom!--suddenly their status was "in a relationship."

It worries me a little because I'm starting to overthink it and as a result may have ended up "playing games."

 

[Streetwise]

I feel that I've met the person I'll have my first real romantic relationship with, but I don't know the steps to get there. I remember in high school people would suddenly couple up but I don't know the conversations that took people between them before they became official. Later, when I was hanging out on forums too much, I noticed members who were noticeably interested in each other would meet in person and--boom!--suddenly their status was "in a relationship."

It worries me a little because I'm starting to overthink it and as a result may have ended up "playing games."

I've never been in a relationship but from what I've seen and heard people make the mistake of doing it too quickly it's better to become friends with somebody and see whether you would want to spend the rest of your life with them

 

[Judge]

I've always found dating to be absurdly stressful with too many preconceived notions and social protocols. Dating to me is just another form of capital punishment.

Nope. All my relationships developed from making friends of them first, without any direct expectations of them becoming lovers.

So from my perspective, if you can make a friend, it's possible that you can also attain a relationship. Though there's no guarantee.

 

[OkRad]

I've always found dating to be absurdly stressful with too many preconceived notions and social protocols. Dating to me is just another form of capital punishment.

HAHA. Same here. Utter, magnificent torture. I want pne so bad but i cant connect. Also my very rigid routine. Plus the depression and ocd. And trauma. And lack of sleep. GAWD!!! It takes so much to stay alive!!

I had one good relationship so i know they can save your life!! But i got hit a lot so that did not work. And after a good one gone bad??
No thanks. But still i wish

 

[Judge]

HAHA. Same here. Utter, magnificent torture. I want pne so bad but i cant connect. Also my very rigid routine. Plus the depression and ocd. And trauma. And lack of sleep. GAWD!!! It takes so much to stay alive!!

I had one good relationship so i know they can save your life!! But i got hit a lot so that did not work. And after a good one gone bad??
No thanks. But still i wish

I've had five good relationships all go bad. But in hindsight I'm apt to believe that in each of them I was the primary culprit, at a time when I had no idea that I could be on the spectrum of autism, and how it may impact most interactions with people I care about.

 

[Keigan]

Well, sometimes it is real easy to open a package of instant "relationship" though through my experience that relationship will last about as long as it took to initiate the relationship.

There is no recipe for initiating a relationship, other than the individuals talking and communicating that which they think and feel, regarding themselves and regarding each other.

Hopefully, nobody will ever say "you should be doing this....." by now - the most important thing is that you and your partner move along at your pace, and in the direction that you both want.

The hardest part of all of this, is to determine what your true needs are - these are things that you can't compromise. Versus things that are nice to have along for the ride.

Start with that which you value and respect, that which you need - offer those opinions and beliefs in conversation and see if the other person is reciprocating. Additionally, we all change over time, our core values and beliefs stay the same though our interests in the nice to haves do change with time.

Enjoy the journey, seek a destination.

 

[Chance]

I feel that I've met the person I'll have my first real romantic relationship with, but I don't know the steps to get there. I remember in high school people would suddenly couple up but I don't know the conversations that took people between them before they became official. Later, when I was hanging out on forums too much, I noticed members who were noticeably interested in each other would meet in person and--boom!--suddenly their status was "in a relationship."

It worries me a little because I'm starting to overthink it and as a result may have ended up "playing games."

From my experience only... being as honest and friendly as I can... run
If I could go back I would not do what I did... I think it was a trap...
Now I'm trying to find a kind way out of a marriage where I'm hated because of WHO I AM NOT... and hated because I am ASD

Just be careful. I fell for it head over heels and then I found myself in a way worse situation than loneliness can possibly be.

I know people make it work, just take your time and test the waters... let this person see the real you... don't try and hide it. Later you might be EXPECTED to hide what you cant.

 

[StephF]

I have no idea to be honest.

 

[paloftoon]

I would recommend being honest with your potential partner. Tell him or her your concerns of being inexperienced, and figure out together if both of you should just be friends first or not. Maybe this is even worthy of a chat with trusted friend(s) who will give you that time of day or worth a visit for an opinion from a counselor.

It's good to think about what you're going to say before you say it if it's personal. If you're not sure, ask if you can, save it in-person, or don't ask at all.
I had to learn that the hard way in a really bad way

 

[OkRad]

From my experience only... being as honest and friendly as I can... run
If I could go back I would not do what I did... I think it was a trap...
Now I'm trying to find a kind way out of a marriage where I'm hated because of WHO I AM NOT... and hated because I am ASD

Just be careful. I fell for it head over heels and then I found myself in a way worse situation than loneliness can possibly be.

I know people make it work, just take your time and test the waters... let this person see the real you... don't try and hide it. Later you might be EXPECTED to hide what you cant.

Ohhhh, i dont want these words to be true, but i fear they are. I am so sad you are going through this but so glad you wrote this.

I am recently mourning in a way a "lost " relationship that never was because i DID run. I was head over heels, to be sure. There was a bit of return but mot much, thank god because if there had been, god only knows.....

I ran. I often wonder did i mess up? But truly, how can i hide all that i am? The food troubles, the sleep, the trauma, the depression....one or two of those things alone would tank a relationship.

Being alone is bad. But yes, i have been in relationships that were worse than death.

I conclude that being disabled sucks sht. Either way i feel screwed.

So i will continue to be around family who love me and i will continue to love Homer and let him comfort me...... After several thousands of years, he has proved his ability to preserve human sanity......

I truly hope you find comfort in your interests and in that cool place in our minds where only people w autism, aspie, and almost aut can go!!!!!

 

[Alaska]

I feel that I've met the person I'll have my first real romantic relationship with, but I don't know the steps to get there. I remember in high school people would suddenly couple up but I don't know the conversations that took people between them before they became official. Later, when I was hanging out on forums too much, I noticed members who were noticeably interested in each other would meet in person and--boom!--suddenly their status was "in a relationship."

It worries me a little because I'm starting to overthink it and as a result may have ended up "playing games."

I am not sure whether you already have opportunities to see each other and even go on dates yet, from your post on this thread. If it you mean you want ideas of what to talk about, I found this list of questions for you: 200 Questions to Ask a Guy - The only list you'll need.

I hope this is of some help to you.

 

[nope]

I am not sure whether you already have opportunities to see each other and even go on dates yet, from your post on this thread.

See, that's the thing. We've clicked so naturally I haven't had to TRY to ask him questions--they come out organically. Once it occurred to me that a long-term relationship could emerge, though, I started becoming self-conscious and behaving unnaturally. I'm afraid this is what will ruin everything.

 

[Streetwise]

See, that's the thing. We've clicked so naturally I haven't had to TRY to ask him questions--they come out organically. Once it occurred to me that a long-term relationship could emerge, though, I started becoming self-conscious and behaving unnaturally. I'm afraid this is what will ruin everything.

Try to imagine could you maintain being self-conscious and behaving unnaturally every day of your life,this also might!!!!!!!!be a sign that you're not ready for relationship

 

[Alaska]

See, that's the thing. We've clicked so naturally I haven't had to TRY to ask him questions--they come out organically. Once it occurred to me that a long-term relationship could emerge, though, I started becoming self-conscious and behaving unnaturally. I'm afraid this is what will ruin everything.

I think it might be a good idea to be frank about why your behavior changed. That could automatically move your relationship to the next level.