How do you define bullying?

[LovebirdsFlying]

There is the obvious, such as physical assault, taunting, name-calling, ostracism, and other glaring harassment. But I am of the opinion that so-called "innocent" teasing or pranking can also be bullying. if person A *finds out* that saying or doing a particular thing will irritate person B, and then deliberately *does it for that reason,* this is also bullying. There is a t-shirt I have seen that reads, "Nothing is more satisfying than {messing} up someone's entire day with just a few words." To me, that is the attitude of a bully. In addition, I believe that any of the following are the words of a bully:

• "Oh, chill, I'm just messin' with ya." Numerous variations include "rattling your cage," "yanking your chain," "trying to get a rise out of you," etc.
• "What's the matter, can't you take a joke?"
• "You're cute when you're mad."
• "You're just too sensitive. Grow up."

Am I alone in these feelings? Is it that I really am too sensitive, and need to grow up, learn to take it, and shut up when someone is deliberately playing with my head?

 

[IContainMultitudes]

I definitely agree. I had to put up with a little bit of that at one of my past jobs (cleaning offices at the district Department of Transportation office) where there were a few people I had to clean up after who would always ask me personal questions that I didn't want to answer. Whenever I told them that I didn't want to discuss that and that I didn't think that was any of their business, they wouldn't accept that for an answer. When I got angry because of this, they basically reacted by saying "Whoa, what are you so angry about?" (I kind of doubt that they would have treated a co-worker this way; in their mind, it was probably ok because I was just a lowly janitor.) The whole thing really seems like an abusive situation when I think about it now. Maybe I should have complained to someone about this, but I kind of doubt that it would have done any good (It might have actually made things even worse).

Bullying tends to be something that people associate with childhood, but it often continues well after people have finished school. Even if the type of bullying that people deal with in adulthood is typically much more subtle, it can be just as damaging, if not more. The book Asperger's on the Job by Rudy Simone discusses how workplace bullying is often a problem for people on the autism spectrum.

 

[Spinning Compass]

No, I don't think you are being too sensitive. It is bullying taken to a new level. You know that it is bullying and they know that it is bullying, but nobody can prove that it is anything other than "innocent" teasing. For example, I have a co-worker who likes to greet me using an exaggerated tone and volume that she does not use on anyone else. If I were to confront her, no doubt she would laugh and deny it and say I am the one with the attitude problem. So I have to ignore it. There are some others I work with that I am uneasy around because of the way they act towards me. It's not openly hostile, but it isn't the same way they treat others--why? So I am wary towards them. All I want is to be treated like everyone else. I can tell when you are patronizing me or otherwise belittling me. Just because I don't react doesn't mean I don't know. There was a girl I worked with who treated me with contempt. Other people could see it, but not the supervisor. I know other people could see it because they would come to me and say that they noticed how she was treating me. I don't know what they wanted me to do about it. Maybe they thought that I would "feel better" if I knew they knew. Of course it never dawned on them that if they were so concerned about the way this person was treating me that they should take it up with the supervisor. Of course not. I told them I was perfectly aware of the way she was treating me but there was nothing I could do about it. (Nor did they offer suggestions). Well she is laid off now and I am not. So there. I guess there is some justice in this world after all. But you just have to suck it up because this world is no place for the sensitive.

 

[BruceCM]

As well as the above (since I'd avoid people like that, socially, at least), is other variants on name-calling. Although calling somebody 'negative' somehow isn't name calling (supposedly), there's plenty of ways to imply that without using that term that I'd also count, now, as bullying. I've covered elsewhere that I tried to make any other sense out of most of it. It is indeed far worse, really, that simple name-calling, which'd be generally agreed to be wrong. It proves that most people don't change (some may do) & that bullies just learn subtler ways of doing it & to pick their targets.

 

[BruceCM]

By the way, might as well ask (probably offending everybody); please, how DO you 'define' anything? Literally, how do you do that? We don't mean looking in a dictionary? That wouldn't be you defining something. As far as I understood, most of what's been said about bullying here would be agreed by most people, though. If it's each person defining the word individually, doesn't it seem strange that there'd be so much agreement about it? Of course, for those who look in dictionaries, they intend to put the definitions in use generally, which isn't defining, by definition!

 

[Neramo]

Oversensitive. I was just joking, i din't mean to be rude. Why didn't you tell me that i hurt your feel.
Thats what my ****ing boss told me, when i quit my job after being bulllied by him. All my faulth.

Remember him bragging about harassing one of the employers, and thinking it were fun. Just like how he treated me. Fun. I only considered doing suicide for a couple of years, but guess he thought it were fun.

to make a long story short. make your childs tell you, and don't make them feel like their failing you, if they get bullied.