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how do we explain aspergers to a non aspergian?

bethany

bethany

Well-Known Member
well iv told a few of my friends that i have AS but they dont realy kno anything about it except what theyv seen on tv(wich isnt helpful). i want to explain it to them but im not sure how to and what to say without making me seem like a nutcase. how have you guys gone about telling people? and what do you say?
any advise?
 
Im not going to lie, its hard and my mates do not truly understand it, maybe its because they dont want to, im not sure. I mean, i've seen Chris ask and inquire, those are the people who want to learn more, not the ones who stay in the realm of ignorance :)

If you want to try, link them some websites, not wikipedia, I mean, a specialist page perhaps, something that doesn't scare them intellectually. : )
 
I guess AS could be quite difficult to explain to anyone in real life that isn't somewhat understanding, without making yourself sound like a bit of a.. :mellow: :blink:

I think linking them to websites with generalized info like Josh mentioned is a pretty good idea. :)
 
I've only told a handful of my friends. They seem to understand somewhat, but not entirely. Even the friend who understands me the most doesn't fully grasp what it's like. But then, I suppose it's too much to expect. I suppose it's like describing how you feel about certain things. While you can give rough approximation of how you feel, you can't truly get people to understand how you feel (mainly because people think differently).

That said, websites do help a bit to get the point across. In fact, I've found them reassuring sometimes.
 
I've only been aware that I most likely have AS for a month or 2.

Anyone that has known me for a while will know exactly what I am talking about if I explain it to them. I will just say "you know how I used to do this... and this..." and so on. Once I explain that those are symptoms of AS then I don't think there will be a problem. People who've known me only for 5 or 6 years might have a bit more trouble understanding because most of my symptoms are so much milder now.
 
I have not really told anybody about it, a lot of people figured it out before I did.

My family doesn't know what asperger's is and probably would be skeptical about it.

I only discuss it on these forums,the rest of the time there is either no need or

there is simply no awareness of it.
 
TBH, I wouldn't really recommend telling anyone. I've told a couple of my friends and it's not really helped. Unless they're studied extensively into AS and aren't influenced by the media(in terms of it's coverage on AS).
You have to asked yourself what you'd gain out of them knowing. Thew few friends I have told aren't more tolerant in regards to humouring my sensory issues, think I'm deliberately being awkward when I don't understand social concepts, etc. since I told them, they just sometimes patronise me and condescend a lot.
I personally try not to be judgemental because I know how it feels, but a couple of years ago if someone told me they had some sort of disorder, for example, a form of psychosis, I'd treat them differently. Not to be mean, but simply because I wouldn't have been presented with a similar issues(esp. in High School) and thus wouldn't have been able to know how to handle the situation.
The worse thing that happened was when a lot of people found out because I made a podcast about it(long story about how they found the podcast, but I was hardly telling everyone), and people started asking me loads of questions, and there'd be people who'd watched a documentary about some really random condition like ADHD and ask me if that's what I had, etc.
You have to be very careful to know if the few people you do tell you can trust. I thought I could trust one person, but she actually went around telling quite a lot of people :(.
EMZ=]
 
Well, one person that knows is someone who I really trust (and vice versa). I had to tell her because I didn't want her to misunderstand me in certain situations. She hasn't treated me any differently since knowing about it. She doesn't fully understand (in fact, she said something not long ago that disappointed me a bit), but she does give me some leighway if I say something 'wrong'.
 
Obviously there are people that you can trust, but I think, especially in a High School environment, people can be deceiving.
@Chris: I'm not that upset. We don't really talk anymore anyway(I didn't fall out with her, we simply just stopped talking).
EMZ=]
 
Yeah the high school environment is hardly desirable socially, it's all about 'popularity'.. or so it seemed. College is a bit more mature, and I hope uni has lots to offer. :)
 
I told people in my school about my AS as described here. It seemed to work in my favour although they weren't told in great detail. You have to be careful about who you tell and how much.
 
In my last school most people knew about it and were very understanding. I guess you can't expect them to understand completely, because we don't understand them completely. AS is kind of just like an odd personality...maybe. You could try saying that you're just a bit different and don't understand certain social things. I'm not sure tbh. I can't remember how I went about it. I also have dyspraxia and so I'm really clumsy, and everyone got to know me because I was always falling over, and we all laughed about it. I told the majority of people that I had AS in my drama class when we had an 'introductions' lesson and all had to talk about ourselves for a while. I said that I had it and briefly said what it was and then they asked me questions. I think it's important when telling a friend that you give them an opportunity to ask you things about it. I think they'll gain understanding more through asking you things.
 
I mentioned to my wife a couple of months ago that I probably had it. Our son had been diagnosed with it, so she had some idea of what it was all about. But she didn't really have much of a reaction to my news - I'm not sure whether she figured it all along or just figured I was the same person I'd always been, but she agreed that I probably did have it.
 
One of my coworkers mentioned that her son tends to flip out whenever his routine changes on him. I told her that she might want to get him evaluated for Asperger's, and she said she'd never heard of it!

She's a software QA person, married to a programmer. Not the kind of person you'd think would have never heard of it. Anyway, I gave her a quick outline of it, and she said she'd keep an eye on him.

I haven't breathed a word of my own self-diagnosis at work, and I don't plan to.
 
This is one of those great questions, they can diagnose us because 'we find it hard to understand how 'normal' humans think , yet they havent got a clue how we think, yet we have to try and describe how we differ, by knowing how we differ from them in the first place, its kind of silly in a way.

I find it best to focus on the difficulties, I've even got help from teachers doing this without saying that im self diagnosed, I told her "I have problems organising and structuring sequences , she gave me the help I needed.

Though recently I really struggled to explain to someone,

She said what's aspergers?

Me: It's like high functioning autism

Her:What's that?

Me: You know Autism ? but much more able to communicate

Her: What's Autism?

Me: .....I'm Special

baffled her but me and my aspie friend laughed hysterically for ages.
 
You have to get on with life, despite the condition. Just each problem you have, deal with them one at a time. Its not worth trying to make people understand, there's too many ignorant losers around. They see autism as some person rocking in a chair, and walking into walls. They can't grasp that there's a spectrum. You can't let AS define you.
 
I don't tell anyone. I'm pretty private about my condition. If they ask if I have it, I'll tell them because I would figure they must know about it to actually pick up I have it. They maybe have a kid with it or know someone with it or maybe they have it themselves.

I've told a few dumb asses online a few years back, they be a jerk to me and finally they ask me what kind of mental problem do I have and I would tell them I have AS. They would say I'm very stupid and log off.

My ex's knew but the first one refused to read all about it. His excuse was it wouldn't be about me. My second ex read into it online and that was how he discovered he had it too but anything I did was AS AS AS as if I was being defined by a label. My husband doesn't see me as AS and he doesn't pay any attention to my traits or pick out what I do is AS. He says everything is part of me. He's only read a paper about autism his online friend sent him and Pretending To Be Normal. He hasn't read anymore about the condition since.

Kids in my school knew I had it because I was bitching about having it when I was 15. I don't think they knew what it was and I don't know if they ever read into it. I got no bad treatment. I don't think everyone in my school knew I had it because I wasn't treated right and kids get mad at me for asking too many questions and they assumed I never listened or paid attention.
 
League Girl said:
I don't tell anyone. I'm pretty private about my condition. If they ask if I have it, I'll tell them because I would figure they must know about it to actually pick up I have it. They maybe have a kid with it or know someone with it or maybe they have it themselves.

I've told a few dumb asses online a few years back, they be a jerk to me and finally they ask me what kind of mental problem do I have and I would tell them I have AS. They would say I'm very stupid and log off.

My ex's knew but the first one refused to read all about it. His excuse was it wouldn't be about me. My second ex read into it online and that was how he discovered he had it too but anything I did was AS AS AS as if I was being defined by a label. My husband doesn't see me as AS and he doesn't pay any attention to my traits or pick out what I do is AS. He says everything is part of me. He's only read a paper about autism his online friend sent him and Pretending To Be Normal. He hasn't read anymore about the condition since.

Kids in my school knew I had it because I was bitching about having it when I was 15. I don't think they knew what it was and I don't know if they ever read into it. I got no bad treatment. I don't think everyone in my school knew I had it because I wasn't treated right and kids get mad at me for asking too many questions and they assumed I never listened or paid attention.
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I generally describe it as being an autistic spectrum disorder and a somewhat mild form of autism. I wouldn't say that Asperger Syndrome is a mental illness, such as schizophrenia or obsessive compulsive disorder but I would say that it's a neurological condition.

It's really hard to explain to NTs. Though it's perhaps hard for them to understand. I had a spot of difficulty explaining that because I have AS I am therefore autistic - because it is, after all, an autistic spectrum disorder.
 
I normally don't even bother to try explaining it as most ppl I've tried explaining it to just think I'm a retard or they simply just don't understand it at all.

And I think that theory about them not wanting to know about it works very well (ignorance is bliss for the limitminded from my experience). Or they simply lack the openminded thinking that one would need to actually understand something that is completly strange to them. As mentioned before, we sure don't understand them that well either. Even if I think most of us do our best to actually try to get an understanding of the NT. NOTE: I do not consider every NT to have a subnormal intelligence, but even some of the smart NT people tends to lack the will to understand me aswell, which is rather frustrating in some cases.

Those that actually seem to care or try to understand it can bother me aswell, as they mostly go airfishing for answers when they have no clue what to look for.

So well, I don't bother explaining unless I have to or feel they would understand what I'm talking about.
 
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