Broken boy have you considered the possibility that you are too far advanced in cognitive and emotional years relative to your chronological age and hence cannot tolerate the your age set because they are so far behind you?
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How do I stop hating other teenagers?
- Thread starter BrokenBoy
- Start date
Broken boy have you considered the possibility that you are too far advanced in cognitive and emotional years relative to your chronological age and hence cannot tolerate the your age set because they are so far behind you?
Agemaki
Well-Known Member
I'm 30 and I never related to teenagers back when I was one. I had one or two same-age friends who I was close to (who were generally people who were fairly different from other teens) but other than that I did my best to avoid participating in any social activities because I found other people my age to be pretty aversive.
A lot them were actively mean to me so that was part of it. In the small town that I grew up in there was absolutely no tolerance for any kind of difference and my peers generally had a hard time relating to me and found all of my interests to be strange. I was really into poetry and art and was very depressed a lot and usually expressed it through my poetry and art, which they saw as eccentric and also weird because the things I made were kind of dark. I also played a lot of computer games in my spare time and I was really into making fancy desserts. I also liked Japanese culture and history and was in the process of teaching myself the language (because it was a small school that only had French and Spanish). All of these things were considered weird by my peers. I also really liked learning for its own sake (I've always been an information sponge, it's very useful) and my peers didn't like that either and that only made them worse to me. I don't recall what they were into. I think mostly sports and "school spirit" and various pop culture things if I remember correctly. Again, there were a few exceptions and those were the ones I tended to spend my time with (which sometimes just meant that we were bullied together rather than separately).
I also remember that they tended to follow the same clothing fashions. I made a point of dressing differently, more like a middle-aged librarian than a teen. I'd also come up with my own creative fashions and wear them (sometimes more like costumes than regular clothes). Looking back, I am glad that I embraced that I was different from them. Just being myself was an act of defiance that garnered open hostility.
My parents didn't have a fast internet connection so using the internet to make friends wasn't a possibility for me. I think it could have helped me a lot if I had been able to connect with more people (whether older or just to find more people my age who I could relate to). I also wish that the culture of my high school had been less hostile to difference and that I could have felt like there was a place for me there.
So to answer your questions, you're only going to be a teen for a relatively short period of time. Eventually your peers will be older and perhaps a bit more understanding. I've definitely found that people are a lot kinder and more accepting of others as they mature and have more perspective about what matters. Finding friends in general matters more than finding friends who are in your age group. I don't think you are obligated to forgive anyone either. Whether or not to forgive is kind of a personal decision (and I don't think you can force forgiveness for it to be sincere). Some people find that forgiving people allows them to move on from bad experiences that have happened in their past. But it doesn't work that way for everyone.
I wouldn't say that I hate the people who were my peers in high school anymore. It's been 12 years since they were a part of my life and they just don't feel very relevant anymore. At the same time, I have no desire to keep in touch with them either and I wouldn't say that I've forgiven them. I've had no indication that they feel their actions were wrong or that they want forgiveness. I do still live with the effects of how they treated me because it shaped how I interact with people. I tend to keep to myself and I'm very reserved about expressing my opinions around strangers. However, what is important to me is trying to work toward the things that matter to me, which very much involves acknowledging my history of trauma and the various experiences that have taught me what my values are. It has also helped me to see how much the experiences I have had are the experiences of others and that there is work to be done in making things better.
A lot them were actively mean to me so that was part of it. In the small town that I grew up in there was absolutely no tolerance for any kind of difference and my peers generally had a hard time relating to me and found all of my interests to be strange. I was really into poetry and art and was very depressed a lot and usually expressed it through my poetry and art, which they saw as eccentric and also weird because the things I made were kind of dark. I also played a lot of computer games in my spare time and I was really into making fancy desserts. I also liked Japanese culture and history and was in the process of teaching myself the language (because it was a small school that only had French and Spanish). All of these things were considered weird by my peers. I also really liked learning for its own sake (I've always been an information sponge, it's very useful) and my peers didn't like that either and that only made them worse to me. I don't recall what they were into. I think mostly sports and "school spirit" and various pop culture things if I remember correctly. Again, there were a few exceptions and those were the ones I tended to spend my time with (which sometimes just meant that we were bullied together rather than separately).
I also remember that they tended to follow the same clothing fashions. I made a point of dressing differently, more like a middle-aged librarian than a teen. I'd also come up with my own creative fashions and wear them (sometimes more like costumes than regular clothes). Looking back, I am glad that I embraced that I was different from them. Just being myself was an act of defiance that garnered open hostility.
My parents didn't have a fast internet connection so using the internet to make friends wasn't a possibility for me. I think it could have helped me a lot if I had been able to connect with more people (whether older or just to find more people my age who I could relate to). I also wish that the culture of my high school had been less hostile to difference and that I could have felt like there was a place for me there.
So to answer your questions, you're only going to be a teen for a relatively short period of time. Eventually your peers will be older and perhaps a bit more understanding. I've definitely found that people are a lot kinder and more accepting of others as they mature and have more perspective about what matters. Finding friends in general matters more than finding friends who are in your age group. I don't think you are obligated to forgive anyone either. Whether or not to forgive is kind of a personal decision (and I don't think you can force forgiveness for it to be sincere). Some people find that forgiving people allows them to move on from bad experiences that have happened in their past. But it doesn't work that way for everyone.
I wouldn't say that I hate the people who were my peers in high school anymore. It's been 12 years since they were a part of my life and they just don't feel very relevant anymore. At the same time, I have no desire to keep in touch with them either and I wouldn't say that I've forgiven them. I've had no indication that they feel their actions were wrong or that they want forgiveness. I do still live with the effects of how they treated me because it shaped how I interact with people. I tend to keep to myself and I'm very reserved about expressing my opinions around strangers. However, what is important to me is trying to work toward the things that matter to me, which very much involves acknowledging my history of trauma and the various experiences that have taught me what my values are. It has also helped me to see how much the experiences I have had are the experiences of others and that there is work to be done in making things better.
Tom Measor
Well-Known Member
It helps to understand why people do and say what they do. We are basically biological machines with just primitive drives when born, but as we get older we are influence by our genetic makeup to prepare us for being adults. Life is about evolving and competing against other humans to have a better pick of the gene pool, and one technique is to belittle other people as away of boosting our confidence and gaining status. I don't want to play these life games and prefer to be loner in doing so, which is not healthy but I'm used to it now.
How to stop hating teenagers - stop generalising them. Teenagers are just as diverse in their personality, interests, values, and maturity as any other age group. You are a teenager, do you hate yourself? Or do you think you're somehow entirely different from your peers? I can assure you of this, ASD or not, you are not that special. That said, you can dislike whoever you want, just be aware that your hatred is only going to make you unhappy.
I suspect that the reason the people around you are encouraging you to make teenaged friends is because firstly they want you to be happy, and secondly because adults making friends with an isolated teenaged boy is pretty creepy. You are vulnerable to manipulation and people are worried for you. There's also the possibility that if you are spending a lot of time with them they are finding your presence annoying and want you to make friends so that you can clear off hang out with them.
I suspect that the reason the people around you are encouraging you to make teenaged friends is because firstly they want you to be happy, and secondly because adults making friends with an isolated teenaged boy is pretty creepy. You are vulnerable to manipulation and people are worried for you. There's also the possibility that if you are spending a lot of time with them they are finding your presence annoying and want you to make friends so that you can clear off hang out with them.
Alis1998
Active Member
Well why should you put some much effort and emotions in hate ? Like do not get me wrong but hating something can suck up alot of energy. You do not have to love other people your age , but do not try to hate them for yourself. Negative thinking is negative. Try to make yourself comfertable around them, you dont nessarly have to hang out around them or make friends with them. Maybe some mindfullness excersises can make you be less irritated around them. Maybe get to know some of them wich doesn't irritate you so much. Maybe they are okay once you get to know them. You do not have to take everything for granted ofcourse what they do to you. Say something about things that annoy you if it is logically annoying behaviour.
Do not get me wrong, I don't like teenagers when I was a teen, nor do I as a young adult... But hating is too much negative effort to make.
Do not get me wrong, I don't like teenagers when I was a teen, nor do I as a young adult... But hating is too much negative effort to make.
Agree with every post above. It's not a cut and dry issue.
The crux @BrokenBoy is that you get told this by neurotypicals because that is what they need. Most NTs thrive off friendships and human contact and it energizes them. This has the reverse effect on us and social situations drain us.
Understand that the NTs that have taken the time to offer you (pretty rubbish
) advice do care about you. This is common advice given erroneously to aspies in a misguided attempt to help us. So remember that if they didn't care, they wouldn't try. They will never understand. Also remember that you will never understand them. These people who advise you to make friends, imagine advising them to have "alone time"! You might think it will help them (it helps us), but it won't and we will never understand that. There's no point in explaining this, just smile and wave and tell them you are trying.
However, just because we can't understand them, doesn't mean we can't accept them. The world is a brighter, more colourful place for the variation, both with the people trying to "help" you and with the kids your own age. Try to see just one thing you like about them. If you really can't then stay away from them.
And you know to be careful talking to "adults" on the internet right??
The crux @BrokenBoy is that you get told this by neurotypicals because that is what they need. Most NTs thrive off friendships and human contact and it energizes them. This has the reverse effect on us and social situations drain us.
Understand that the NTs that have taken the time to offer you (pretty rubbish
) advice do care about you. This is common advice given erroneously to aspies in a misguided attempt to help us. So remember that if they didn't care, they wouldn't try. They will never understand. Also remember that you will never understand them. These people who advise you to make friends, imagine advising them to have "alone time"! You might think it will help them (it helps us), but it won't and we will never understand that. There's no point in explaining this, just smile and wave and tell them you are trying.However, just because we can't understand them, doesn't mean we can't accept them. The world is a brighter, more colourful place for the variation, both with the people trying to "help" you and with the kids your own age. Try to see just one thing you like about them. If you really can't then stay away from them.
And you know to be careful talking to "adults" on the internet right??
pamelaperejil
Non-player character
Lower your expectations? Accept that other people won't necessarily conform to what you want? Practice apathy? Laugh at them instead? Nurse a healthy sense of superiority? Look for something good in them? This may help you later in life. There will always be stupid people that you don't like.
Ever hear that line from American Beauty: My job basically consists of masking my contempt...
Ever hear that line from American Beauty: My job basically consists of masking my contempt...
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Illumination
Autist
I would recommend that you do what you like, do not allow yourself to be pushed into uncomfortable relationships by neurotypical's that have a different set of needs than you.
There is many of us out there that feel the same way as you; I also personally cannot stand other Teenagers (I'm 18) other than the rare case, which they are usually non-typical or neurodivergent like myself. - In which case I have always flocked to talking to adults than people my own age throughout my life
DiverseWonderland
I can do anything!
I'm the same way But I usually get along better with older adults or little children but as for teens not so much.
Spending time with peers is the best way to become integrated into society, if you are a child. Having friends is healthy. Most ASD have few friends because we don't like the rude and crude ways of the NT world. I, too, have always preferred the company of adults because they speak intelligently and can offer sound advice. In our Politically Correct world, we are supposed to "not notice" differences in social groups, but we see the characteristics anyway and choose not to associate with those who cause us pain or behave in a way that we find unacceptable. You can't warm up to a group of people whose ethical standards are low. Growing up, I thought I was a snob because I didn't like being with kids who broke public phones, threw snowballs at drivers, and stole holiday decorations from a person's yard. Most of the popular music when I was a teenager was simply stupid, as was fashion.
Broken Boy, don't worry about hating teenagers. Put your attention into seeing all the possibilities you have for your life. You have the benefit of the Internet - learn about things that you don't understand. All media is a learning tool. Watch the 2 top films of every year starting with 1940. Watch them with a friend and discuss each one for its message and cinematography. Download questions from an education website to open your perspective on a film's message. You may notice that teenagers always behaved badly, but in a different context from year to year and from one socio-economic group to another. This might help you see that you fit in to society the way other teens have tried. You are the master of your own destiny. Don't get hung up on the negatives in the world. There are many. Stay sane and knowledgable, it can only benefit you.
Broken Boy, don't worry about hating teenagers. Put your attention into seeing all the possibilities you have for your life. You have the benefit of the Internet - learn about things that you don't understand. All media is a learning tool. Watch the 2 top films of every year starting with 1940. Watch them with a friend and discuss each one for its message and cinematography. Download questions from an education website to open your perspective on a film's message. You may notice that teenagers always behaved badly, but in a different context from year to year and from one socio-economic group to another. This might help you see that you fit in to society the way other teens have tried. You are the master of your own destiny. Don't get hung up on the negatives in the world. There are many. Stay sane and knowledgable, it can only benefit you.
mariannle
New Member
I never really got along with people my age either, until I was 21 or something, and it was because I found other neurodiverse people through the internet, not because I suddenly got good at socializing with people my age in general. But recently I realized one of the main reasons I suffered through high school was autistic burnout. Pushing myself to adapt to a system that wasn't built for me, trying to pass as neurotypical, etc. Made me tired, angry, irritable, and I think it fostered a lot of negative feelings that just weren't necessary. So... I figured that if I had information about autism back them, things would have been better. I definitely wouldn't have made lots of friends, because there's still this barrier about me being different, but also I probably wouldn't have wholeheartedly hated as many people as I did. I could have ignored them or just observed from a distance, without entering this cycle of negativity and hate that ended up hurting me, because while feelings are a normal thing and we should allow ourselves to feel them, never letting them go is not precisely a healthy thing to do. So, I recommend looking up autistic burnout, and taking care of yourself as best you can (taking breaks and time alone, meditating, staying hydrated, sleeping as much as you need, having earplugs if you have noise sensitivity, shades if you have light sensitivity, etc.)
So, about making friends your age... I think you don't have to make friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with. All my closest friends are people I met through the internet, many of them are older than me, and they are the best thing that could have ever happened to my social life. Allistic (or neurotypical) people can say a lot, but they don't know what it's like to live life like we do, and to connect with others (or not) like we do. Isolation can be dangerous, because it's proven to be a huge risk factor for many illnesses, physical and mental, so you should try to look for a support net... but internet friends are support, this type of forums and communities are support. There's nothing less real or important about socializing through the internet, because there's real people on the other side of the screen. Also, it allows us to find like minded people, and we usually understand each other way better than some random classmate would. You're not hurting anyone by choosing one type of socializing over another, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you for not making friends like most other people do.
In summary, try to let go of the hate, but also don't force yourself to like people you just don't like. Focus on what makes you happy, on taking care of yourself and your needs, and maybe that would make your interactions with other teenagers less hellish.
Good luck!
So, about making friends your age... I think you don't have to make friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with. All my closest friends are people I met through the internet, many of them are older than me, and they are the best thing that could have ever happened to my social life. Allistic (or neurotypical) people can say a lot, but they don't know what it's like to live life like we do, and to connect with others (or not) like we do. Isolation can be dangerous, because it's proven to be a huge risk factor for many illnesses, physical and mental, so you should try to look for a support net... but internet friends are support, this type of forums and communities are support. There's nothing less real or important about socializing through the internet, because there's real people on the other side of the screen. Also, it allows us to find like minded people, and we usually understand each other way better than some random classmate would. You're not hurting anyone by choosing one type of socializing over another, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you for not making friends like most other people do.
In summary, try to let go of the hate, but also don't force yourself to like people you just don't like. Focus on what makes you happy, on taking care of yourself and your needs, and maybe that would make your interactions with other teenagers less hellish.
Good luck!
As another teenager, I think that's our generation is screwed, so it's impossible. They get triggered by not being able to go into the opposite bathroom from their own, eat soap for some reason, try to lecture adult gun owners about gun control, even if they have never fired a gun that isn't an airsoft gun or outside a video game, they think that causing physical damage to property in the name of "equality" is okay, while claiming to be "peaceful protesters," when what they're doing is damaging things that don't belong to them, and possibly injuring other people. They try to censor violent content from movies, books, TV shows, and video games, claiming it supports and promotes violence and senseless killing to children, when the opposite is true. Many teenagers are loud, annoying, and stupid in general. When I was in middle school, I was possible the most mature student in the entire school. It's impossible, dude. They have no sense in them. I prefer talking to adults who share the same interest, since I have interests that mostly adults have, such as firearms and building PC games.
pamelaperejil
Non-player character
You don't have to like anybody, of course, but I'm curious why they need your forgiveness.
Ezra
Relax, it's just chaos.
When you're in high school that's your whole life. When you graduate and become an adult like I did recently, that whole world goes poof. It just isn't there anymore. Hang in there.
holbrook
Well-Known Member
Most of the people in person who I'd call a friend is/has been either older or younger than I. I'd say I feel more ease with them. I know quite a bit of people through online chat as well, people who I've never met in person and a bit I don't know how old they are which is nice.
Ok, it's my first post in this forum, so im gonna be honest: you are not obligated to be friends with people who you don't like, and that's ok. My problem is that you are generalizing an entire demographic of people as stupid, and as morons. A lot of them are, yeah; But that doesnt mean that you can't give them a chance. They are people, just like you: they've had bad experiences good experiences, and stuff like that. And yet you simply see them as childish or 1 dimensional morons. I know the feeling, i really do, but it's not healthy. Refusing to have friends amd socializing with people your age is gonna hurt you when you grow older, so you should find someone your age and talk to them. Maybe you'll like them, maybe you won't, that's just how it works. Another problem I have isbthaiyou talk about how you can't forgive them. But forgive them for what? Tge teenage demographic hasn't wronged you, you are simply thinking about yourself and how YOU should be able to forgive them for some kind of crime. Viewing the world as full of morons and idiots who've wronged you and putting yourself on a pedestal as if you're superior to them is a really toxic way to see the world. I hope this comment doesn't offend you, because that isn't the point.
Take care.
Take care.
I was physically bullied for many years, and it only stopped because I attempted suicide and then stopped going to school and did some home-schooling thing. So I hated teenagers for a very long time, too! I used to get angry every time I saw one anywhere and have countless hours where I'd just think about it and get angrier and angrier.
But there have been a few people I have known over the years who were so extraordinarily kind that they've changed my life forever. It's rare but some of those teenagers are like that.
And now I work with some teenagers (I'm a piano teacher) and some of them are very kind, thoughtful, non-judgemental. And some are assholes, and I talk to them about that, and I'm not angry anymore so that's actually fun!
I think teenagers are usually awful when they have a lot of negative emotions but don't have the awareness to recognize and deal with them, so they find an outlet, not knowing that's why, and release their feelings in that way. And I think sometimes it's just because they're bad people.
But basically what I'm trying to say is that some people are so loving and don't mind the differences anyone who is "odd" might have, and I think it's important to keep yourself open to the possibility of meeting that person. I'm not saying you should just find someone and be friends with them just to have a friend or to get people to leave you alone about finding a friend. I just think being open to the possibility is all that's ever needed for something wonderful to happen.
And the feeling of validation and acceptance from someone you're with is awesome! I love my friends!
But there have been a few people I have known over the years who were so extraordinarily kind that they've changed my life forever. It's rare but some of those teenagers are like that.
And now I work with some teenagers (I'm a piano teacher) and some of them are very kind, thoughtful, non-judgemental. And some are assholes, and I talk to them about that, and I'm not angry anymore so that's actually fun!
I think teenagers are usually awful when they have a lot of negative emotions but don't have the awareness to recognize and deal with them, so they find an outlet, not knowing that's why, and release their feelings in that way. And I think sometimes it's just because they're bad people.
But basically what I'm trying to say is that some people are so loving and don't mind the differences anyone who is "odd" might have, and I think it's important to keep yourself open to the possibility of meeting that person. I'm not saying you should just find someone and be friends with them just to have a friend or to get people to leave you alone about finding a friend. I just think being open to the possibility is all that's ever needed for something wonderful to happen.
And the feeling of validation and acceptance from someone you're with is awesome! I love my friends!
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