My mom thinks all therapists are the same and also thinks I have more than Asperger's. I've tried them in the past and it made things worse. I need someone with knowledge about Asperger's who won't just dismiss everything as Borderline Personality disorder.
I started going to a therapist a couple of months ago, and I should have done that sooner knowing that I haven't been able to deal with my struggles on my own. After I described to him everything that I struggle with - anger, anxieties, loneliness, social problems, lack of common sense, bad communication, so on so on - he made me take the AQ test (scored 31 the first time and 33 the second; I do have a couple of NT qualities as I have discovered; I'm not opposed to being hugged because it shows that people care about me, won't assume that it's fake; and, I'm not interested in dates but I have been fascinated by certain types of integers). I don't find the score reliable though, it's just an approximation. From my behavior to my struggles to my AQ score, he concluded that I most certainly have Asperger's and said that a formal diagnosis is not necessary.
My plan is to make weekly visits and just have him help me work on various issues. So far we've dedicated some sessions to anxieties, and how to manage them. It's been working for some of them so far - like the "what if I accidentally touched Lysol and rubbed my eyes" anxiety; he helped me realize that if there's no evidence of that happening, like if I was only near a Lysol wipe but don't remember touching it - then I shouldn't assume that I touched it. Plus, the fact that my eyes aren't stinging either. In the past, I would go to the sink and rinse them for 15 whole minutes. Just because I MIGHT have touched a Lysol wipe and then rubbed my eyes. He told me to focus on "what IS", not "what if". It does take TIME to master this though; and for some anxieties it takes slower to apply this method than for others. See this for more info -
Managing Anxieties - the FLOAT Method.
Another thing we've been working on is being needy and clingy. I managed to FINALLY make some friends and I've been expecting too much from them. I've bulk-texted them every day and asked to hang out every weekend. My doc told me that hanging out twice a month is good enough, and advised that I text them sporadically. I've been doing that so far, but some of that neediness might just come back if I don't see them for a very long time - I need to see them, I need to be with them. I cannot afford to be lonely again! But in the general case, I've been able to tone it down with them.
He also gave me some general tips, like wearing my dress shirts without buttoning the top and not making weird grimaces whenever I'm nervous or embarrassed. He told me to practice it in the mirror and that's what I've done. He's happy when he hears that I may have still made such a grimace, but was able to acknowledge it. He also gave me a book to read on what to do if I'm dating (or married to) an NT woman. Not once have I ever gone on a date, and I'm almost 30 years old - and still never been in a relationship. I don't want to push any future gals away and feel lonelier than ever before, so I gave that book a try.
We're in the process of focusing on the way I react to people, that's actually one of my worst qualities. We're just getting started. It's been promising so far, and I want him to have the golden key to my success in life - because right now I'm still struggling. That FLOAT method did work for some anxieties, and I like it. He even told me to add in an extra letter "I" to the beginning - "IFLOAT" = "I Float". The I stands for "Identify", aka identify a thought as intrusive before applying the rest of the approach.
Anyway, while I feel that visiting this therapist is doing something to me, I will keep visiting him as long as I need to. I just hope he's able to make me less angry and less emotional...otherwise I'll continue to push away the people I care about most. I cannot afford to let that happen forever. I want to know that I'm improving, but God forbid someone tells me that I'm not improving...I'd start hating them forever for not believing in me.
