How come there aren't really social skills classes for NTs?

[SunnyDay16]

I notice that there seems to not really be any formal social skills training for neurotypicals. It's just assumed I guess that neurotypicals naturally are good with social interactions, but there are lots of NTs I've seen that are pretty inept socially. I think it would be beneficial for all neurotypes to have to take social skills classes in school, rather than just assume that neurotypicals are great at social skills, because that's clearly not an accurate assumption.

 

[tree]

There are social skills classes at the college level.
People I know who majored in programming or IT
or Business had a class they called Charm School. It was a
'How to Deal with People in a Professional Manner' class.

In "the olden days" or maybe as recently as the 1950s...
which is still awhile ago...there were cotillions/dance and
etiquette classes for boys and girls.

 

[SunnyDay16]

There are social skills classes at the college level.
People I know who majored in programming or IT
or Business had a class they called Charm School. It was a
'How to Deal with People in a Professional Manner' class.

In "the olden days" or maybe as recently as the 1950s...
which is still awhile ago...there were cotillions/dance and
etiquette classes for boys and girls.

Yeah, you do have a point. I guess there are social skills training offered for NTs, its just not as forced I guess.

 

[The Penguin]

There is Toastmasters as well. Many people use it to help improve for public speaking.

 

[Gracey]

I notice that there seems to not really be any formal social skills training for neurotypicals. It's just assumed I guess that neurotypicals naturally are good with social interactions, but there are lots of NTs I've seen that are pretty inept socially. I think it would be beneficial for all neurotypes to have to take social skills classes in school, rather than just assume that neurotypicals are great at social skills, because that's clearly not an accurate assumption.

NT isn't classified in the DSM V or ICD 10 therefore nothing needs to be done. They don't need diagnosing or assistance to cope or fit in.

 

[Nitro]

They don't need diagnosing or assistance to cope or fit in.

I beg to differ with you

 

[Tyrantus1212]

There are social skills classes at the college level.
People I know who majored in programming or IT
or Business had a class they called Charm School. It was a
'How to Deal with People in a Professional Manner' class.

In "the olden days" or maybe as recently as the 1950s...
which is still awhile ago...there were cotillions/dance and
etiquette classes for boys and girls.

Oh man, I did NOT know that! I don't know if my university offered them - but if it did, then the fact that I didn't know about it and didn't take it (this didn't even come to mind, but again I assume things unfortunately) makes me wonder how different my life would have been if I did. Would people not hate me then? Would I perhaps be weird, but not the pariah of the computer science department? All my life though, I was wondering how everyone else just magically gets along with each other and why can't I do diddly squat? I didn't even know about Asperger's back then, and all I wanted to do was get along with people better - NOT push them away!! I swear to God I was the only social outcast at that department...from this point of view it seems like pretty much all my classmates were NT. I should have just been quiet if I had no way of knowing how to better my social skills. I tried way too hard to fit in and ended up being very annoying and very obnoxious without even realizing it - because I had no social skills, and had no way of knowing how to better (or acquire, I should even say) them.

Even now, I still struggle with my social skills at work and especially at home with my parents. I'm kind of thinking of having my therapist guide me on this issue, and not just by "theory". I should have gone to see a therapist back then too - NOT sweep my struggles under the rug. Anyway, can my therapist get me to practice them with him - actually practice them? I'm sure he can't account for EVERY scenario out there though. What do I do if he tells me he can't do that? Has anyone else had a chance to improve their social skills here somehow? Because ever since college my improvement has been extremely minimal. For starters, is there any chance that boosting my self-esteem to a healthy level would do part of the trick? If my skills stay poor, do I simply have no chance of surviving in the NT world?

 

[Suzanne]

I assume things

Me too, with deep shame, but at the same time, I believe it depends on what the person is saying. What if the person, who knows you well, starts the conversation with a major controversial comment? I believe that the person has the responsibilty to not do that, because they are expecting you to not assume.

I fail most times and could kick myself.

ondering how everyone else just magically gets along with each other and why can't I do diddly squat? I didn't even know about Asperger's back then, and all I wanted to do was get along with people better - NOT push them away!! I swear to God I was the only social outcast at that department...from this point of view it seems like pretty much all my classmates were NT. I should have just been quiet if I had no way of knowing how to better my social skills. I tried way too hard to fit in and ended up being very annoying and very obnoxious without even realizing it -

My stint in college, was pretty much what you describe. I just put it down to me having a very obnoxious presence; made worse, the fact that I was already married and in my early 20's and the only one to be married and yet, I looked YOUNGER than the younger ones. So, I was ripe for the bully tactics and had no idea how to rectfy it and had not even heard of aspergers then. I would watch in abject envy as I saw girls getting on with each other. I wanted so much to be a part of that group; but in effect I would seen as a bothersome fly or something.

I made a stupid error, but actually asking one girl was she did not like me and oh, dear, of course she laughed at me and told me that I need to get a life and guess what? She upped her distaste of me!

For lunch, I would sit alone, on a bench, and just wait for lunch to be over. Did I feel ok? Not at all. I sensed how inane it was, especially as my tummy was growling and "kindly" reminding me of how stupid I was being, but I could not walk into that canteen with the noise. I would try and act as though it was completely natural for me to sit there, but really, people did not care a jot who was sitting there alone; it was me, being my worst enemy.

Unfortunately, I have not changed, despite my age. I still would sit on that bench, but perhaps this time, would feel better, because I would have a device on me and talk to people I know online, where I am tons better.

 

[Bolletje]

Oh man, I did NOT know that! I don't know if my university offered them - but if it did, then the fact that I didn't know about it and didn't take it (this didn't even come to mind, but again I assume things unfortunately) makes me wonder how different my life would have been if I did. Would people not hate me then? Would I perhaps be weird, but not the pariah of the computer science department? All my life though, I was wondering how everyone else just magically gets along with each other and why can't I do diddly squat? I didn't even know about Asperger's back then, and all I wanted to do was get along with people better - NOT push them away!! I swear to God I was the only social outcast at that department...from this point of view it seems like pretty much all my classmates were NT. I should have just been quiet if I had no way of knowing how to better my social skills. I tried way too hard to fit in and ended up being very annoying and very obnoxious without even realizing it - because I had no social skills, and had no way of knowing how to better (or acquire, I should even say) them.

Even now, I still struggle with my social skills at work and especially at home with my parents. I'm kind of thinking of having my therapist guide me on this issue, and not just by "theory". I should have gone to see a therapist back then too - NOT sweep my struggles under the rug. Anyway, can my therapist get me to practice them with him - actually practice them? I'm sure he can't account for EVERY scenario out there though. What do I do if he tells me he can't do that? Has anyone else had a chance to improve their social skills here somehow? Because ever since college my improvement has been extremely minimal. For starters, is there any chance that boosting my self-esteem to a healthy level would do part of the trick? If my skills stay poor, do I simply have no chance of surviving in the NT world?

Honestly, my time at university got so much better when I stopped trying to fit in. I started fitting in because I stopped trying. As for social skills training, it's available for everyone in the Netherlands. I know quite a few NT's that have taken a few classes and there's no stigma attached to it.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Honestly, my time at university got so much better when I stopped trying to fit in. I started fitting in because I stopped trying. As for social skills training, it's available for everyone in the Netherlands. I know quite a few NT's that have taken a few classes and there's no stigma attached to it.

Oh wow I didn't know that. Yeah guess I'm wrong.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Oh man, I did NOT know that! I don't know if my university offered them - but if it did, then the fact that I didn't know about it and didn't take it (this didn't even come to mind, but again I assume things unfortunately) makes me wonder how different my life would have been if I did. Would people not hate me then? Would I perhaps be weird, but not the pariah of the computer science department? All my life though, I was wondering how everyone else just magically gets along with each other and why can't I do diddly squat? I didn't even know about Asperger's back then, and all I wanted to do was get along with people better - NOT push them away!! I swear to God I was the only social outcast at that department...from this point of view it seems like pretty much all my classmates were NT. I should have just been quiet if I had no way of knowing how to better my social skills. I tried way too hard to fit in and ended up being very annoying and very obnoxious without even realizing it - because I had no social skills, and had no way of knowing how to better (or acquire, I should even say) them.

Even now, I still struggle with my social skills at work and especially at home with my parents. I'm kind of thinking of having my therapist guide me on this issue, and not just by "theory". I should have gone to see a therapist back then too - NOT sweep my struggles under the rug. Anyway, can my therapist get me to practice them with him - actually practice them? I'm sure he can't account for EVERY scenario out there though. What do I do if he tells me he can't do that? Has anyone else had a chance to improve their social skills here somehow? Because ever since college my improvement has been extremely minimal. For starters, is there any chance that boosting my self-esteem to a healthy level would do part of the trick? If my skills stay poor, do I simply have no chance of surviving in the NT world?

When I was younger, I did go to an ABA program designed to improve social skills, but it didn't really help me that much. What seemed to do the trick for me--was accepting me for who I was entirely, but yet still gently improving aspects of myself, which is hard to do and it took a long time for me to do it. I still need a therapist's guidance to improve my self esteem and stuff, since I tend to be hard on myself if I make a social screwup. So yeah, I do think improving self esteem does have something to do with it, since being hard on yourself won't help social skills. Also, don't worry about fitting in too much, since the more you worry about it the more you'll stand out (trust me I know).

This site seems to be a pretty good resource to learn social skills. I would check it out and see if that maybe can help. The skills may not come naturally at first, but it's baby steps. If you try to force social skills, they tend to come out incredibly forced. Good luck

 

[Momo]

Once upon a time there was such a thing as finishing school or etiquette classes, I know in some parts of China, such as where I used to live, Hong Kong, we still have etiquette classes.

 

[Judge]

The concept of established social etiquette has been around for centuries. Whether one took classes in it or not. Unwritten, yet understood and agreed "rules" where even Neurotypicals could be chastised by their own for not conforming accordingly.

I know in growing up with certain newspaper columnists emphasizing social etiquette, "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers" who didn't specifically cater to any one Neurological profile. Likely unaware of Neurodiversity altogether.

 

[FreeDiver]

Oh man, I did NOT know that! I don't know if my university offered them - but if it did, then the fact that I didn't know about it and didn't take it (this didn't even come to mind, but again I assume things unfortunately) makes me wonder how different my life would have been if I did. Would people not hate me then? Would I perhaps be weird, but not the pariah of the computer science department? All my life though, I was wondering how everyone else just magically gets along with each other and why can't I do diddly squat? I didn't even know about Asperger's back then, and all I wanted to do was get along with people better - NOT push them away!! I swear to God I was the only social outcast at that department...from this point of view it seems like pretty much all my classmates were NT. I should have just been quiet if I had no way of knowing how to better my social skills. I tried way too hard to fit in and ended up being very annoying and very obnoxious without even realizing it - because I had no social skills, and had no way of knowing how to better (or acquire, I should even say) them.

It's probably a good thing that you didn't take one of those "so called" social classes. First of all, these classes DO NOT teach social skills. They only teach etiquette and protocol(Essentially, advance manners.). They do not teach core social skills. For you to take one of those classes would be a lot like a kindergartener taking calculus. Not only would you not benefit from these skills, but they can also land you in to trouble as well since you would not know how to use them properly. Think of it like learning how to drive a car but not learning how to use the breaks.

 

[SunnyDay16]

It's probably a good thing that you didn't take one of those "so called" social classes. First of all, these classes DO NOT teach social skills. They only teach etiquette and protocol(Essentially, advance manners.). They do not teach core social skills. For you to take one of those classes would be a lot like a kindergartener taking calculus. Not only would you not benefit from these skills, but they can also land you in to trouble as well since you would not know how to use them properly. Think of it like learning how to drive a car but not learning how to use the breaks.

I agree. I went to an ABA social skills program and it didn't really improve my social skills. It was mostly about behaving "properly" without focusing on how to really connect and socialize with people. Besides the counselors in that program were pretty condescending, so I'm glad I don't go to that program anymore. I guess it depends on the specific program and what it offers/teaches.

 

[Gracey]

I beg to differ with you

... Doh!!...
I knew I was right,
There's a parody of the Pyschiatric DSM called The Diabolic and Sadistic Manual in which the term Neurotypical is used as a classification.

I'm new to this and have much to learn

 

[Chance]

My social etiquette is being as quiet as possible in any situation that I don't understand... and that often is a social interaction with an NT

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Honestly, my time at university got so much better when I stopped trying to fit in. I started fitting in because I stopped trying. As for social skills training, it's available for everyone in the Netherlands. I know quite a few NT's that have taken a few classes and there's no stigma attached to it.

That's what I should have done - stop trying to fit in, and just remain a lone wolf. I just keep picturing myself as the alternative all the time, due to all the regrets that have since formed. I keep wondering what it would have been like if I were to constantly hang out in the computer labs but barely speak to anyone, and only speak when spoken to (and even so, make the response very concise and limited). This wishful thinking doesn't make me feel good because what's done is done and we can't change the past, yet I just can't get it out of my head.

 

[Flinty]

In theory, one of the goals of primary and secondary education was to impart social skills on the student. In reality, this is probably the number one reason why I dislike the public education system, because it works about as well as a typical restaurant that appeared on Kitchen Nightmares.