how big is your personal space / comfort zone?

[ChrisC1983]

most peoples comfort zone tends to be around their arm length (a 2-3ft bubble around them). so if somebody stands closer than that, they feel uncomfortable.

in my case... it's about as far as i can sense. so until i can't see or hear anybody, i remain uncomfortable. not that i want it totally silent but if i know people are around me then i can't relax

with rare exception when i want somebody around me

 

[Beverly]

For me the size of my personal bubble depends on the person or persons that may encroach into that space and, on the situation I am in.

On stage, for my fellow band members, there was no bubble at all but, for the audience, the entire stage or, off stage with bodyguards near me, 3-5 feet was okay. Without bodyguards, if I could see them, they were too close.

My husband and close friends, again no bubble at all, acquaintances that I trust to a degree six feet or so is fine. Average looking or feeling strangers, fifteen or twenty feet, "shifty" looking or feeling strangers - infinite, I'd rather they nor be in the same universe.

If I am focused and working on something, then my bubble is however far it takes for me to know they can't see my work, and that applies to everyone except musicians and crew working on a song, then no bubble.

 

[ChrisC1983]

good point, let me detail mine a bit
i don't have a girlfriend/wife/similar currently but generally their space is fine. likewise no friends.. i generally would have them at arms length or a distance where it's highly unlikely for us to touch (same for coworkers) with minor exception (ie: if i fall.. thanks for catching me. but don't touch me anymore lol)

family goes back and fourth... i never want to hug anybody and i hate handshakes (though i'll force both for necessity reasons) but on the same hand, if i can see/hear family then i'm still not fully comfortable. moreso than with strangers out in public but not by a significant amount

during a focus... same basic idea. i can't be aware people are around me (any people).... in that case, family is actually worse because my "cloud of judgement" pops up and i must be doing everything wrong no matter what i'm doing (typing online, making food, putting my shoes on..) whereas if it's strangers, i'm still uncomfortable but there's a bit less judgement because strangers (around here anyway) don't really tend to give a crap. but i'm in an area where people will ask for change outfront of the coffee shop


it certainly sounds like having a more public job does help you.

 

[Beverly]

I agree but, for some reason it's different for me with musicians as long as we are either just hanging out, or working on music together. I can relax, flop all over them, let them use me for a pillow or backrest, etc... We hug, slap and playfully hit each other, guide each others hands on our instruments (Musicals ones - get your mind out of the gutter. ) and, dance dances that would put "Dirty Dancing" to shame and, I'm fine with that.

I rarely hug my husband, I will tolerate it if he hugs me from behind, but it isn't entirely comfortable for me. I am estranged form my birth family so, no contact and no worries there but we never hugged when I was still a part of that family. Other than my husband and his family and, my daughter, the rest of those I consider like family now are all musicians so, that's good for me.

Now when my grand kids, or friends with kids come over, I put on the "perfect, fun, slightly eccentric grandma" facade and, they get hugs, cookies and told they play keyboards really well - even if they just bang on my poor Yamaha LOL. I don't feel comfortable with it, but it keeps the kids happy and, cannot stand a crying, whining kid so it the lesser of two evils for me to be the grandma they all love spending time with.

 

[AsheSkyler]

A minimum of four feet, which makes check-out lines rather unpleasant because I have to keep giving impatient bimbos "the look" when they get a few inches away from my feet with their cart.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i think music in itself is a therapeutic part of it....... well, music is therapeutic in and of itself.

the one girlfriend i did have (and even in my mind before her I knew it was fine) i would say her and myself would compare to yourself and your musician friends. and the gutter stuff still need not apply lol (granted it was there since we are talking about different relationships.. but just hand touching in general was fine)

i can't stand crying/whining either.... whether it be from a kid or an adult. sobbing is fine (more quiet crying) but just the loudness of crying and whining makes me angry, pretty much defeating the whole purpose of them being upsetbut



and for the shopping carriage thing... i've kicked carriages (not hard, but enough to be noticed) if they get that close to me. i know it's a necessary part of traffic sometimes (say there is a long line, limited space, and somebody passing through.. so everybody squishes together for a moment) but most of the time they're just jamming themselves in as if it makes things go faster
thankfully i actually have a good amount of patience... because what i actually do is far less than what i want to do

 

[Tom]

Depends on whom it is.

For family and my dogs its practically zero. For my wife its actually a negative value.

For friends something like the arms length mentioned.

Everyone else it varies, but I am aware/monitoring them sometimes depending on the circumstances, but maybe 6 to 10 feet away is usually comfortable.

 

[Flinty]

There are people who are in my personal space just by existing. Unfortunately, many of those people play Magic.

I can't think of anyone who currently would enjoy the privilege of touching me, period. Or even getting within arm's length right now. The last time someone touched my shoulder (never do that) I immediately dived to the floor. Grr.

 

[Datura]

I would say I am fine with arms length for the majority of people, and I have rather long arms. When in a busy area there obviously isn't as much space, but I can generally tolerate it, even if it is sub-optimal.
With friends I would say I generally stick with the arm's length rule, but can also go in for a consensual hug. Some of my friends can be a bit too huggy, mind you. With partners the issue isn't so much distance as it is time.
I can enjoy physical intimacy, but after a while it begins to get irritating and claustrophobic and I need to get away.

Standing in line is something I go out of my way to avoid. I can't explain why, but the whole experience is extremely uncomfortable. I will walk out of a store and come back later just to avoid a long lineup. I seriously cannot comprehend why anybody would camp out in front of a store or movie theater just to be among the first to see/own something or save a few dollars on retail items. I would not subject myself to such misery unless it was a matter of survival.

 

[Progster]

I keep people at arm's length - literally. Sometimes people can get way too close to me in queues and that makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate it when people accidently brush against me in queues, or when they tap my shoulder or touch my arm grrrr!

 

[DogwoodTree]

most peoples comfort zone tends to be around their arm length (a 2-3ft bubble around them). so if somebody stands closer than that, they feel uncomfortable.

I think this depends a lot on culture, actually. I live in a town with a lot of Hispanic immigrants, and even though they're mostly nice people on a lot of levels, their sense of personal space is waaaaayyyy smaller than most other ethnic groups I've been around. Standing in the checkout line with them? They might actually bump into me or stand in contact with me and not have a problem with it. (AAAHHHHH!!!!) If I move away, they follow!

I prefer 4-5 feet if we're talking, less than that with hubby and my kids, more than that with anyone I feel some level of conflict or discomfort with. If we're complete strangers and not really interacting...5-6 feet is better as a minimum, and way more if the situation allows for it.

 

[ChrisC1983]

thats true.. my father's girlfriend is spanish and this 4th i went over her house to visit (i really didn't want to.. but it's a family thing.. my family doesn't do anything together anymore. when they do, it just ends in fighting) so it was myself, my father, and various members of her family.... and yes, a lot of them are big into that hug greeting thing. i've gotten well at forcing myself to do things i don't like (too well really) since it makes them happy. but it still bothers me. i just keep pushing it back like i do everything else