High School grandson never told he has Asperger's.

[adamsgram]

I have six grandchildren and three have been dx'd years ago w/being on the autistic spectrum. Two of those three have Asperger's. I also work with children who are on the spectrum. Therefore, I feel that I do know some about the spectrum. My son and his wife are divorced. Many years ago I talked to them about Adam (my grandson) having many signs and symptoms of being on the spectrum. His wife was furious with me and stopped talking to me. She absolutely refused to have him tested. He use to walk on his toes and do a great dealing of arm flapping. He makes very little to no eye contact. He has always freaked out over loud noises. He has no social skills. He can't understand a joke and takes everything seriously word for word. He's obsessed with certain "things" (when young would watch the wheels on cars as he moved them for hours), now it's history. When he visits, he spends almost the entire time in his room with the door shut looking historical events up on his laptop. He use to spend his time in the large closet playing by himself, but he doesn't do that as much any longer. He had major meltdowns when younger, but is better now. That's just a few on the signs, the list goes on and on. Adam is 16 and he's extremely intelligent. I personally think he needs to be told that he possibly has Asperger's so he could understand why he's "different". His Mother would have an absolute fit to say the least! I've told my son how I feel but he has no response. He recently told me that he knew that Adam probably would not get into an ivy league school (as he and Adam's brother did) because he knows Adam won't interview well. I know it is not my place to tell Adam. He recently asked me questions about his cousins who are on the spectrum. I have thought about saying to him that I saw a video online that will help him understand his cousins and let him watch it. ANY OPINIONS WOULD BE WELCOMED.

 

[wyverary]

I was never told either and only found out several years later (I was 16 at the time of my diagnosis) when a psychiatrist at the hospital I was checked in to at the time reviewed my files.

I am unsure if it would be a particularly good idea to tell him at this point, not unless his parents are willing to accept it and provide him with the proper assistance...and it seems as though, at this point, they are not. I would suggest spending some time with him. If you work with people on the spectrum, then you might already have a good idea how to help him understand and cope, even if you never mention it directly. I wish I had gotten that kind of help when I was his age, and you seem to be in a unique position to be able to give him that.

I hope this helps in some small way. Welcome, by the way!

wyv

 

[Peace]

It does not sound as though you need any advice. You might also mention that there are online tests for people who think they might be on the spectrum.
I did not find out until I was 48, and I so wish that I knew sooner. I could have had the opportunity to educate myself and make adjustments to have a better quality of life.
I'm sure you will do the right thing, you sound like a very good Grandma.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I don't know what you can do in terms of obtaining a diagnosis, or telling him, but, it is very very good that he has at least one person (you) who understands and accepts him.
What is the video?

 

[Daniel]

I am unsure if it would be a particularly good idea to tell him at this point, not unless his parents are willing to accept it and provide him with the proper assistance...and it seems as though, at this point, they are not. I would suggest spending some time with him. If you work with people on the spectrum, then you might already have a good idea how to help him understand and cope, even if you never mention it directly. I wish I had gotten that kind of help when I was his age, and you seem to be in a unique position to be able to give him that.

Yes, I like this approach -- given his parents' attitude, it sounds like you are in the best position to help him. You've got experience working with youth on the spectrum, and you can give your grandson at least some of the special support he needs. You can be the one person who knows how to accept him for who he truly is!

And you could probably just do it without ever announcing that you're doing it. If you never say the words, he'll never know!

I'm in my thirties, recently self-diagnosed. I struggled with employment for a decade. I struggled to be like neurotypicals and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. When I figured it out, it felt good to know I'm supposed to feel like I was different--because I am! And it felt good to discover AspiesCentral and connect with others like me. But it took me a long time before I could accept that label. I had to realize that it's okay to feel "special".

I look back, and though there's no use regretting the past, were I to do it again, I would have pursued computer science in school, because that actually would have been something I liked, but because I didn't like myself for being different, I went another direction. I'm finally getting more into the kind of work I'm naturally good at (I get to work on computers all day, like I aspired to when I was very young) and I found gainful employment as a result.

He'll need help moving into adult life, so if you are able in any way to help in turn his enduring interests into something productive, give him that kind of support.

An Aspie doesn't need to be in an Ivy League school. Most of us, from what I can tell, just want to be happy doing the things we love to do, and we don't care about status symbols. If it were me coming out of high school as an Aspie, I'd want to get into some sort of profession or trade where I got to do something I liked, and where there's applied skills training available.

 

[adamsgram]

Here's the url: Autism Awareness Page

I thought it was excellent.

 

[adamsgram]

My grandson's Mother will not allow me to see him after his father (my son) leaves the country in a few months to work. I'll probably only see my grandson a couple of times a year. Therefore, I have VERY little time with him, so you see why I'm thinking that possibly I should find a way to tell him. Of course, I could always wait until he graduates in two yrs. I just don't know.

 

[Ste11aeres]

My grandson's Mother will not allow me to see him after his father (my son) leaves the country in a few months to work. I'll probably only see my grandson a couple of times a year. Therefore, I have VERY little time with him, so you see why I'm thinking that possibly I should find a way to tell him. Of course, I could always wait until he graduates in two yrs. I just don't know.

I like the idea of letting him watch a video. That way, maybe he can figure it out for himself. If the video is good.

 

[Hadassah]

Well at least you can tell him, when he turns 18 right? Because then his parents don't have the right to refuse this knowledge from him! He sounds very much likely to have AS/autism! It's his right to know. You are an awesome grandma

 

[adamsgram]

Thanks so very much to each and every one of you!!

 

[wyverary]

I like the idea of letting him watch a video. That way, maybe he can figure it out for himself. If the video is good.

I second this, I think...but again, with the caveat that he should have at least SOME SORT of support network in place. Of course, if/when he does find out, you can always send him here. '

You are quite welcome, gram! I hope we were able to help at least a little bit.

wyv

 

[adamsgram]

I JUST FOUND AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE!!! [/FONT][/B]The Importance of Identifying Asperger