hi

[Hareofhrair]

i took too long figuring out what to name this. I have a habit of treating everything like a performance and that part of me was insisting an introduction should be cheerful and funny! But I’m in a really bad place right now, and being cheerful and funny is difficult. I don’t want to just list my hobbies and act like nothing is wrong, but i dont want to be a downer either. What’s the middle ground there? “Howdy yall! I grow lavender and i cry every day! I love embroidery and I feel like an unlovable monster!”

That was a performance too though. I sat here for a while figuring out how to work in the unlovable monster “joke.”

I’m 28. I’ll be 29 next month. Ive never lived anywhere longer than a year. I’ve been basically couch surfing for the last nine years. I’m not sure why. I don’t want to live like this and I keep trying to find somewhere to just stat, but it never works out. Something about me is just unbearable to live with.

I’m a writer, when my brain decides to let me work. I do mainly ghostwriting, lots of amazon ebook romances. But I have a book out with my name on it now, and a sequel if i can stop crying long enough to write the last few thousand words. When the depression isnt so bad, I can work incredibly fast. Which just makes me feel worse when I can’t. It’s so easy on the good days.

I’m tired. I just want to be someone other people want around.

 

[8398]

I hope this forum can prove to be satisfying for you in some way.
I'm growing lavender too. A tiny amount in a tiny pot. I'm not crying right now, but I kinda wish I was because I have severe dry eye. I am curious about your hobbies.

Believe it or not I thought really hard on what to say just now.

 

[Hareofhrair]

I hope this forum can prove to be satisfying for you in some way.
I'm growing lavender too. A tiny amount in a tiny pot. I'm not crying right now, but I kinda wish I was because I have severe dry eye. I am curious about your hobbies.

Believe it or not I thought really hard on what to say just now.

Thank you, i think it’s helping already just venting a little, or being distracted. Or maybe its just my anti anxiety meds kicking in lol.

What kind of lavender is yours, if you know?

I started growing it from seed in February to try and fight the seasonal depression. I have about a dozen small plants now, growing in my window in a shelf i improvised out of a shower caddy. They’re growing slow because they dont get enough sun, but they already smell nice. They’re all either augustifolia vera or latifolia spike. I like to give them silly names like Big Bastard and Charmer and Mr Fantastic.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[8398]

my packet says English tall/vera, specifically lavandula angastifolia. Sounds like what you have
I JUST planted the seeds today. I had an empty container and out of everything in my seed collection, it sounded the nicest. Lavender is very appealing to me. I've also not been sleeping at night so hey, it- well it's going to take forever to grow so. I've had the idea of filling a vase full of fresh lavender and putting it in my room. Ahhh that sounds so nice to get to smell that. My room smells kinda bad right now.

My whole windowsill is full of plants. I should post a picture soon. I have a few cacti and others, my favorite being my morning glory. So yeah nothing scenty yet.

I have a tough time naming things, I think I'm a perfectionist when it comes to that. Neither my frog or tarantula are named yet and I've had them over a year.

 

[Hareofhrair]

Yeah, i think vera is the most common one! I got a kit first that turned out to be augustifolia, then a set of seedpackets that turned out to be augustifolia again + a pack of latifolia. From what ive read vera is more hardy and easier to grow. But the latifolia has been doing better for me so far, lol.

I got them specifically because I wanted something that smelled nice, because scents are a big thing for me. I ended up also planting some lemon balm, basil and sage recently for the same reason. In addition to smelling nice, i also love the way sage leaves feel. Unfortunately the sage is not very happy in the window, lol. Same problem as the lavender, not enough light. But lemon balm is a mint and they dont care about light level at all so it’s doing amazing.
I’m going to be moving soon and I’m worried about how I’ll transport them. They’ve been kind of a life line.

 

[Major Tom]

Hi, welcome.

 

[8398]

No one can stop big bastard, it appears.
I imagine it's difficult to open your window now. rip. For me, I can't shut my blinds completely because of my plants. But it's worth it to make that sacrifice, I imagine you feel the same. also I really like the dried herbs and especially that metal fish. I wouldn't of thought to make racks that way on a window with no sill, I'll definitely do that if I have a window like that. Also, is that a little totoro guy decoration? Or a little bunny maybe. I've been looking into getting mini garden totoro decorations, and maybe little amanita mushrooms.
A kitty to boot, what pretty eyes.I had those same biodegradable pots too. They dried out quickly for me. looks like your plants are doing good in them though.
I moved with plants. I put them in a topless box and had the containers snug together, there was some dirt spilled but all made it. We moved two states over too. Hopefully yours will do okay. My plants were mostly cacti and very hardy.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Hareofhrair

 

[Hareofhrair]

Big Bastard will not be contained, lol.

Yeah, opening the window is a hassle right now. But with the heat i have to keep them closed anyway so the AC can run.
The dried herbs are from the place i lived before this where i had a proper outdoor garden. One is basil, the other is mint. The fish is a powder horn I bought at a ren faire lol.
The bunny does look like a totoro a bit! It was part of this little terrarium lamp i got off a chinese wholesale site for like $5. I don’t use the lamp anymore and i was doing this experiment with making alum crystals— I wanted to see if I could grow them around objects like the little rabbit. Turns out the crystals dont adhere to that kind of plastic at all, so it became a flower pot decoration lol.
The kitty is Peaches, she’s a menace and I love her. Her partner in crime, Percival, is currently laying on my chest. Im not usually awake at this hour ( its 5:30am here) so he probably thinks he’s going to get breakfast early.
The jiffy pots dry out crazy fast, but lavender likes it dry anyway so it doesn’t mind. I just water every other day or if they start to get droopy. If you cant tell by the whole set up, keeping it cheap as possible was a priority lol. Cut up plastic milk jugs make great watering trays btw.
I'm moving by airplane which is part of what worries me. Im hoping I can get them in a carryon or a checked bag, because trying to ship them sounds like a disaster.

 

[8398]

Oh, thank goodness you have AC.
Puts me in such a good mood to look at adorable set ups like yours.
I looked up what a powder horn is. I'm assuming yours more for decoration. lol. at least you have one just in case of an emergency. I need to go to one of those faires. I'm sure there's no shortage here in Oregon. I looked up alum crystal too, that is really cool. I knew about kinda growing bismuth, but not those. I have a lot of rocks/minerals.

Awwww peaches! As pretty as she is, she does look like a little bit of a trouble maker. If my family didn't start getting dogs, and if my mom wouldn't be allergic, I'd have cats. I love dogs but I'm especially drawn to cats. I've never been on a plane, I wish the best luck for their survival.

Isn't nice to have an actual outdoor garden? I miss it so much!!

 

[Hareofhrair]

Lol yeah I rarely have a pressing need for gunpowder, so the fish is just for show. I like to put little things in it, small shells and bells and buttons and such. Its sort of enjoyable to just open it up and pull out something tiny and cute.
I really love ren faires, because i love dressing up. I find historical costume a lot more comfortable than normal clothes. Nothing is form fitting and the fabics tend to be nicer to me. I love compression, it’s soothing, so corsets are a godsend. And with a hoopskirt i can have all the enjoyment of a long skirt without having it constantly up against my legs, and it makes a physical personal bubble so people dont get in my space lol. But i cant wear that kind of thing all the time without getting Looks. So ren faires are great. Plus, costumes are just kind of freeing. Im less self conscious because im not myself. And people expect a certain level of eccentricity when youre in costume, so if i do something weird it just kind of gets shrugged off as part of the costume.

Growing alum crystals was fun but i was not terribly successful lol. I tried using mccormick at first, but its potassium content was too low to crystallize. So i got a two pound bag of the good stuff online, but i messed up and used too much... it was a mess, but an enjoyable one.

I miss having an outdoor garden too, if only because of not having to worry so much about light and containers. But on the other hand, i get stressed about going outside, so finding a way to garden indoors has been rewarding.

 

[8398]

Aww that sounds so pleasant.
I'd have fun dressing up! The benefit with the hoop skirt sounds convincing. I instantly thought of being a dragon. An untouchable dragon in a hoop skirt. I've never done any of that or cosplayed yet, I can imagine feeling the same way. I think I'd be very comfortable too.
Yikes I don't know the process of making those but I picture a mess of a hardened substance everywhere.
It was nice having an outdoor garden to offer to bugs and attract them. But having an indoor garden has the benefits of being able to grow stuff that normally can't be grown out in the harsh weather. Plus have plants right there in my room. I want to make a jungle out of it. Oh and I really like your avatar with moss and mushrooms.
Actually, my indoor plants do attract bugs. Well first off there's me, a praying mantis. and then these little knats that breed in the soil. I kinda hate them but maybe I feel less lonely with them.

 

[tree]

 

[disconnected]

Hi, welcome

 

[rubicks52]

Hello and welcome! I also have a book out with my name on it and a sequel that I'm too depressed to work on. I cry a lot thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life and feeling like I haven't done enough so far. My favorite joke to make myself seem happier about it is "I want to discover a new chemical element and make its symbol an E so I can finally spell my name using only element symbols".

 

[GadAbout]

Welcome, Hare. I too like to garden. I recommend you replant those peat pots (jiffy pots) soon. They aren't really suitable once the seeds have germinated and started to stand up. Especially if you are moving them. I've had ok luck with coffee cans or yogurt containers (Large) although of course a bigger, permanent pot is probably better. Whatever you use, be sure to punch drainage holes..

I have a cat named Peaches, too! She's a torbie.

 

[Tom]

I got a bit disoriented when I got to the Ren Faires part, as I read it as Ren Fairies and dressing them up in hooped skirts to put in your pots. I thought they might be some sort of dolls. But I am all straight now. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Wolfnox]

I also have a book out with my name on it and a sequel that I'm too depressed to work on.

Im trying to get my first one out. Ive actually got several in the works. But if you don't mind a little advice. I would work on your sequel. As a reader nothing drives me quite so crazy as an unfinished book from an author. Its a what might have been secenario.

 

[clg114]

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