Hi there from Barymore

[Barymore]

Hello all

So, quick summary: 44, F, married, gay, run my own little business in Switzerland.

Not an unusual story: growing up feeling like an alien, several diagnosis that didn't fit. Depression, aggression, drugs&alcohol.

Finally, diagnosis of Aspergers almost 10 years ago. Huge relief, felt like I was reading a personal description of me while reading up. Told my boss in my euphoria, was fired a few weeks later due to irreconcilable differences. Bout of depression realising a: this is never going to go away and b: I'm surrounded by aliens.

Met my wife, got married, started a business, living plant based, only enjoy the occasional G&T and far too much coffee. Have a dog who snores and another who makes me go out rain or shine really early.
Struggling a bit with anxiety? Sadness? a few anger issues.

love reading - crime, sci-fy and non-fic on animal behavior

That's a quick overview - looking forward to some chats and exchanges.

Take care!

 

[tree]

 

[Giraffes]

Hi Barymore and welcome, you sound as muddled and as sorted as me, i love crime books and movies, just coming out of a long term relationship and after a late diagnosis, some days am learning to accept and like me, hope you like it here.

 

[Len Huppe]

Hi Barymore - Welcome to the forums. Only been here for a few days and already making friends. Loving it for sure. Would love to have a chat sometime. We share many interests.

 

[AngelaS267]

Good for you for starting a business! I am afraid that because I'm autistic, I can't start a business, so it's so nice to see someone doing it in real time!! Welcome to the community.

 

[Tom]

Cute dog in the picture! What kind is it. Reminds me a bit of a Beagle or Russel Terrier.

 

[Barymore]

Thank you for the warm welcome! This seems like a lovely place to meet and chat

@Giraffes I suppose I am sorted but still muddled - perfect description really (i must admit, I was hoping it would all be a bit less muddled and more sorted by now)

@Len Huppe thats what I am really looking fwd to - the exchanges with like-minded (and less like-minded) individuals. And if its about a good book or movie I'm all in

@AngelaS267 it has its challenges - especially in the executive function areas (planning / organisation) but I am loving it, especially because my business is based on my particular interest.

@Tom - jack russel x chihuahua. He combines speed, tenacity and ferociousness in a teeny-tiny package that manages to disappear in the blink of an eye..... the other dog is a staffxminibull lady who loves sofas, cookies and sleeping!

 

[Albert Wallner]

Welcome Barymore!
I' sure you will find a lot of like minded people here,you seem like a great preson!!

 

[Aspertastic7]

Sali Barymore, greetings from a fellow Aspie from Basel. Congrats to you own business, sounds very cool!
Hope you find some help here, it's a lovely place this forum!

 

[Barymore]

The europeans have started their day :-D Hi Guys, thanks for the welcome!

 

[Len Huppe]

love reading - crime, sci-fy and non-fic on animal behavior
Take care!

What kind of non-fiction reading do you like? I lean towards scientific inquiry and understanding the world we live in. My reading rate is very poor so I prefer to watch videos and documentaries instead. I also like reading self help books but I lack the intuition to take action so I don't do that much nowadays. Instead I look to counselors and forums like this one for advice.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. Sounds like you are getting along pretty well. I hope you enjoy it here.

 

[Barymore]

Hi Len - I mostly read animal cognition / animal training / welfare stuff. Currently: animals make us human - temple grandin, what a fish knows - jonathan balcombe and connection training by hannah weston.
Just finished: the animals among us - john bradshaw. I'm a pretty serious reader!
I like psychology / neurology too - power of habit by charles duhigg was one I really enjoyed! what are you reading?

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Len Huppe]

Hi Len - I mostly read animal cognition / animal training / welfare stuff. Currently: animals make us human - temple grandin, what a fish knows - jonathan balcombe and connection training by hannah weston.
Just finished: the animals among us - john bradshaw. I'm a pretty serious reader!
I like psychology / neurology too - power of habit by charles duhigg was one I really enjoyed! what are you reading?

You certainly are a serious reader! Those are some very interesting topics for sure. I do recognize the name of John Bradshaw. I saw him on tv many years ago and always found his analysis of human behavior to be interesting. I attended college but I never got a chance to explore psychology beyond Intro to Psych and Educational Psych. Educational Psych was interesting and I did my research paper on adult education. I mention that here because its where I am at the moment. Being educated on how to function as an adult living with AS. Animal behavior I'm afraid is beyond me other than the basics. I grew up with animals and like to think that I understand them at some level. I have always known that cats and dogs have feelings just as I do.

As for me, I'm afraid that my personal reading has been placed on temporary hold. A recently failed relationship has me grieving to the point that I am struggling to function. This forum is the reading that I need to be doing right now. It has been a life saver for me. Meanwhile I am in therapy for my AS and my counselor has suggested that I read Barbara Bissonnette's Asperger's Syndrome Workplace Survival Guide. It offers strategies for Aspies to function better in the workplace. I'm sure that it will help with life in general as well. I like to think that its only a temporary diversion and I will return to my personal reading at some point.

When that day does comes I plan to pick up where I left off with Graham Hancock's America Before. Its probably best described as a book on archaeological investigation. In it he tries to piece together what we know about the past to form a picture. The book is ridiculed by mainstream archaeologists but I find it to be very thought provoking. There is evidence to support the view that our history is not at all what we currently think it is. In fact there is circumstantial evidence of a past civilization that is now gone. I have not yet finished the book so I cannot say if I accept that hypothesis or reject it.

If you are willing, I am very interested in hearing your take on The Power of Habit sometime. If I have learned anything about myself recently it is that I am creature of habit. A friend of mine noticed that my routines are what keep me on track, even to the point that when I don't have a set routine I seem lost for what to do. I look forward to hearing from you on that topic.

 

[Barymore]

Hi Len
oh no! I hope I didnt sound pretentious with my 'serious reader' comment.....I just meant I read alot.
I think we have certainly have overlapping motivations when it comes to our non-fic reading - I am *always* keen to understand how those around me function, how I function, why I am different and how I can change my habits/reactions/behaviour in sustainable ways. I am actually just starting to get into some of the adult education literature!

I also have phases where I dont read or read pulpy fiction stuff to escape my day to day - especially in difficult times, so I can very much relate to what you are saying.

I had a look at the Graham Hancock - I realised I have heard of him and his hypothesis. While I am sceptical I remember that many with new ideas were initially ridiculed so try to keep an open mind and look at the evidence presented. I'll be interested to hear your conclusions!

The power of habit is a fabulous book - starts with an intro on the neurobiological basis of habit formation and then expands into various human examples. A large section is about habit formation in customers through advertising. For example febreeze was unsuccessful until they applied some of the ideas of habit formation (added a scent and linked this scent with cleanliness goals) through advertising and sales skyrocketed! Worth reading! For personal change perhaps james clear "atomic habits" might be more suitable, tho. The difficulty i have is not so much understanding how habits occur but successfully changing them in my daily life - clear provides a manual for how this may be done.
BTW: routine formation and "control" (knowing what is going to happen and having agency in situations) is very important for many different species. A loss of this activates fear / anger in many individuals and lack of this on a regular basis is linked to learned helplessness and depression in many species. So I totally respect this need in me and others and feel the "problem" is when it causes me problems - eg I get stuck in a routine. Other than that I have lots of routines, they make me feel safe. I have worked to make some routines independent of time / place to help me be more flexible.

 

[Thinx]

There was a book a while ago called Do something Different, I think it intended to help people get healthy and lose weight by doing something different rather than dieting, and it gave ideas about how to gradually introduce small changes, such as walking a different route to work or the bus stop, going to a new place etc.

I found the ideas quite effective albeit surprisingly hard to introduce at first. I do a lot on autopilot was one thing it made me think, and introducing change is actually quite interesting if done in manageable ways.

 

[Barymore]

yes, that is often the difficulty when wanting to change established routines. The initial cues start us on autopilot sequences and changing those cue "meanings" can be challenging. I, too, find it very interesting and like trying out different techniques. Incremental steps is a very effective approach, my problem: I often dont think of it when in a routine (because: autopilot!) and it requires patience so we dont suddenly demand too much of ourselves.
Thanks for the reading tip!

 

[Len Huppe]

oh no! I hope I didnt sound pretentious with my 'serious reader' comment.....
I just meant I read alot.
I think we have certainly have overlapping motivations when it comes to our non-fic reading - I am *always* keen to understand how those around me function, how I function, why I am different and how I can change my habits/reactions/behaviour in sustainable ways. I am actually just starting to get into some of the adult education literature!

I also have phases where I dont read or read pulpy fiction stuff to escape my day to day - especially in difficult times, so I can very much relate to what you are saying.

I had a look at the Graham Hancock - I realised I have heard of him and his hypothesis. While I am sceptical I remember that many with new ideas were initially ridiculed so try to keep an open mind and look at the evidence presented. I'll be interested to hear your conclusions!

The power of habit is a fabulous book - starts with an intro on the neurobiological basis of habit formation and then expands into various human examples. A large section is about habit formation in customers through advertising. For example febreeze was unsuccessful until they applied some of the ideas of habit formation (added a scent and linked this scent with cleanliness goals) through advertising and sales skyrocketed! Worth reading! For personal change perhaps james clear "atomic habits" might be more suitable, tho. The difficulty i have is not so much understanding how habits occur but successfully changing them in my daily life - clear provides a manual for how this may be done.
BTW: routine formation and "control" (knowing what is going to happen and having agency in situations) is very important for many different species. A loss of this activates fear / anger in many individuals and lack of this on a regular basis is linked to learned helplessness and depression in many species. So I totally respect this need in me and others and feel the "problem" is when it causes me problems - eg I get stuck in a routine. Other than that I have lots of routines, they make me feel safe. I have worked to make some routines independent of time / place to help me be more flexible.

You do not come across as pretentious at all. Being an avid reader is a very good thing and your enthusiasm for it is contagious. You got me thinking about my own reading. I am now ashamed that I allowed my depression to stop me from doing what I need to be doing. I will have to do something about that. Thanks!

Thank you also for pointing out James Clear to me. I am sure that I have have come across him before. I ordered his audio book and I plan to listen to it while I drive to and from work. I have been thinking about doing audio books for a while now and this is going to be my first one. I also signed up for his newsletter.

Your comments about routines got me thinking too. I only recently learned the extent to which I am a creature of habit. Apparently I am one of those people who depend upon certain routines to function. Sound familiar? I don't know yet if that's an Aspie thing or not. I have high hopes for Clear's book. I had stopped reading self help books because I felt like I was understanding the information ok, but not retaining it well enough to put it into action when I needed to.

I came across Graham Hancock on YouTube. His presentation of America Before compelled me to get the book and see what it has to say. Its my first book on archaeology so its new territory for me. I have also seen Hancock on The Joe Rogan Experience and once again I found his arguments compelling. Maybe its his passion for getting to the truth that I like about him.

I was not joking when I say that you got me going on reading again. Call me No. 5 . Malfunction ... need input ... LOL!

 

[Len Huppe]

There was a book a while ago called Do something Different, I think it intended to help people get healthy and lose weight by doing something different rather than dieting, and it gave ideas about how to gradually introduce small changes, such as walking a different route to work or the bus stop, going to a new place etc.

I found the ideas quite effective albeit surprisingly hard to introduce at first. I do a lot on autopilot was one thing it made me think, and introducing change is actually quite interesting if done in manageable ways.

Do Something Different sounds like a great philosophy. There is a saying: Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results is the definition of insanity. If that is true, and I believe it is, then the answer is to try something different. I agree with your analysis. Change can be interesting and even refreshing. Doing it in manageable steps I think is the key to long term success.